Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Remember to bring protection, honey

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Blog Guy, I’m worried sick! I heard there was some problem with protecting Paris Hilton. Is she okay?

She’s fine, but her bodyguards aren’t.

They were hurt while protecting her?

No, they were fired FOR protecting her. Our story, Elite Polish cops sacked for protecting Paris Hilton, says three police commandos were told to resign or they would be fired for serving as Hilton’s bodyguards during a recent appearance at a shopping mall opening.

Wow, that sounds kind of harsh. So what did they do wrong?

Well, I can’t be bothered to do research, so I’m just guessing here, but I imagine Poland must have a law against protecting Paris Hilton. I think a number of countries have similar laws.

No way! An actual law against protecting Paris Hilton! Do you think we should have a law like that here in America?

When the chips are down, in Wackytown

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Say, Blog Guy, I keep reading about those group tours you organize to that place you call Wackytown, the goofiest place on earth.

Right, that’s Krasnoyarsk, in Siberia. Think you’d like to join us on a trip? We’ve got a gambling junket coming up. Why waste your time in Las Vegas when you can go to a Wackytown casino?

Welcome to the Barney Fife Pistol Range

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Blog Guy, I hope you can help me. My chiropractor’s beekeeper just gave me a 9 mm pistol for Labor Day, and I’m wondering…

Wait. You and your chiropractor’s beekeeper exchange Labor Day gifts?

Yeah, it’s just a little tradition going back to the 2008 Oscars. Anyway, I’d like to use it, but I don’t actually want to fire real bullets. Any ideas?

Are those Tic Tacs, or you got a rattlesnake in your pants?

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Blog Guy, I’m looking for some of your sage career advice. I enjoy travel, working with animals, and maybe a little danger. Any ideas?

Have you considered the glamorous world of snake smuggling?

No, I haven’t. What does that involve?

The usual. Ladies’ hosiery, probably some duct tape, and, you know, snakes.

Earn big bucks without knowing anything!

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I swear, I don’t know why I keep getting suckered by these lame “list” stories. For instance, Ten Jobs that Don’t Require a Degree.

Please, let me save you the trouble of reading it. Basically, these are 10 jobs that may not require a college degree, but to get them you have to take really crappy entry-level jobs and work your way up, if you live long enough.

Meet the worst police decoy ever?

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Blog Guy, you’ve written a lot about police decoys in the past. I guess they have to be highly skilled to do that job, right?

Sure, some of them are, but others are just phoning it in.

You take this “undercover” Israeli cop in these photos. The caption tells us he’s “dressed as a Palestinian woman.”

The toughest health club in the world?

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EU-SUMMIT/

Sir, thanks for stopping by for a tour of our health club. We’re very proud of our facilities.

EU-SUMMIT/Is there anything you’re especially looking for in a new gym? Spinning classes? Free weights? Yoga?