Blog Guy, recently you had pictures of John McCain, Barack Obama and Joe Biden all eating ice cream, and you said give Sarah Palin a few days and she would also be pandering to ice cream voters. Well, she’s an independent-minded rebel, so are you ready to take it back?

You should check out these pictures of Palin in Wisconsin yesterday. As I predicted, she’s already cramming those icy scoops past her lips as fast as she can.

That’s awful! I expected more! What flavor did she order?

Something with the unfortunate name “Moose Tracks.”

Oh dear. Why is it called that?

I can’t say for sure, but the shop was named The Chocolate Factory, so you connect the tracks. So to speak.

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Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin tastes her “Moose Tracks” ice cream cone during a campaign stop at The Chocolate Factory with U.S. Republican presidential nominee Senator John McCain in Cedarburg, Wisconsin, September 5, 2008. REUTERS/ Brian Snyder

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Blog Guy, do our presidential candidates have any supporters in other countries?

Yes, I checked it out, and there is a very active group called Spain for McCain.

You didn’t check anything out. You just wanted to use that headline, didn’t you?

Maybe. But there is also an active Democratic group closer to our shores, in Nassau.

This better not be more of your juvenile garbage. What is it called?

Bahama for Obama.

That’s it! I’m never coming back here!

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Members of the “Spain for McCain” platform with a cardboard cutout of Republican presidential candidate John McCain in Madrid September 4, 2008. REUTERS/Susana Vera

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Quick quiz: Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani, who now earns a living telling scary campfire stories for young and old and bills himself as “BOO-liani,” is saying here…

“So the THUMP-THUMP-THUMP was his head, rolling down the old staircase!”

“Then he screamed, ‘That isn’t RAIN on my windshield, it’s BLOOOOOOOD!’”

“Suddenly, she realized! The call was coming from INSIDE the mayor’s mansion!

“If the capital gains tax is raised, we won’t be quite as RICH!”

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Former Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani speaks at the Republican National Convention in St. Paul, Minnesota, September 3, 2008. REUTERS/Mike Segar

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Hey Blog Guy, I’ve been asleep for the last year. What’s the main issue in the upcoming election?

Uh-oh. I slept a lot too, but I believe the big issue is music.

Music?

Yes. Republicans want to make country music our official music. If you watch their convention you’ll see lots of signs saying “COUNTRY FIRST.”

That’s not much of an issue. 

It is if you think how much the Democrats love rock ‘n’ roll.

What about classical music?

Get real. That’s for Europeans and Austrians. They can’t vote here.

Do the Republicans accept any other kind of music at all?

Sure. Some of them are okay with both country and western.

You don’t know anything, do you?

Not much, so it’s nice of folks to read my blog.

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Delegates cheer during a tribute to John McCain’s military service, at the Republican National Convention in St. Paul, Minnesota, September 2, 2008. REUTERS/Shannon Stapleton

U.S. Senator Joe Lieberman addresses Republican National Convention, September 2, 2008.    REUTERS/Brian Snyder

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Blog Guy, looking around the Republican Convention, I saw a fairly famous guy who might have been overlooked for the number two slot on the ticket.

Yeah, I think I know who you’re talking about. He doesn’t seem to be what they’re looking for. He was closely associated with a war, and that’s not the right image. He’s also not very popular in the South, and isn’t likely to bring in those states.

I didn’t think of it that way. What else is wrong with him?

He’s from Illinois but probably couldn’t take that state from Barack Obama.

So he would bring nothing to a ticket?

I  wouldn’t say that. The team who vetted him for the veep slot noted that his Secretary of State, William Seward, bought Alaska. One thing leads to another, and when they went up there to ask the current governor about him, well, you figure it out.

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Missouri delegate George Engelbach, wearing a hat and beard reminiscent of former U.S. President Abraham Lincoln, walks the floor at the Republican National Convention in St. Paul, Minnesota September 1, 2008.  REUTERS/Brian Snyder

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Blog Guy, I worry that the candidates don’t get enough to eat. 

Are  you kidding? They won’t starve. Each candidate eats an estimated six gallons of ice cream daily! They go through a dozen cones at a single stop, so all the photographers can get pictures.

I had absolutely no idea!

Sure. Why do you think a dentist travels on each campaign plane, to make sure tooth decay isn’t an issue despite all that sugar?

But what about that lady candidate, Sarah Palin? I don’t see any photos of her eating mounds of ice cream.

Look, she’s a former beauty queen, so she’s a little timid at first. Give her another week and she’ll have syrupy rivulets of butter pecan rolling down her sticky chin, just like the rest of them.

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Republican candidate John McCain in New Concord, Ohio August 29, 2008. REUTERS/John Gress

Democratic nominees Barack Obama and Joe Biden in Aliquippa, Pennsylvania, August 29, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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Dear Patty, I’m afraid Mom has had another setback in the area of hallucinating.

She has been doing so well, but today at breakfast she dropped her fork, crawled over to the next booth to get it, and claimed she saw the Obamas and the Bidens. Like all they have to do with their time is have waffles and patty sausages here at the Yankee Kitchen!

You may disagree, Patty, but I consider this to be even worse than last month, when she saw all four Beatles over there at Applebee’s!

Anyways, we wouldn’t play along with her. Doc told us to just ignore her, and she’ll soon stop making up this hogwash!

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A woman kneels to get her picture taken beside the table of the Obamas and the Bidens at Yankee Kitchen Family Restaurant, during a campaign stop in Boardman, Ohio, August 30, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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You can tell a lot about a country by the titles they give their officials. You take Samuel Schmid, named in this caption as the Swiss Defense and Sport Minister. Huh? How does THAT work?

Swiss President: What news have you, Schmid?

Schmid: It is horrible! France and Italy are poised to attack us with bombers, missiles and paratroopers!

Swiss President: Okay, but is everything all set for the Alpine Wrestling Festival?

Schmid: Sir, I’m not sure you understand the urgency…

Swiss President: Our football team gonna go all the way this year?

Schmid: Our troops are only armed with crossbows and Swiss Army knives!

Swiss President: I don’t think you have enough to do, Schmid. I’m making you Minister of Fondue and Chocolate, too! Hand me a big Toblerone!

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Swiss Defense and Sport Minister Samuel Schmid of the Swiss People’s Party arrives for the foundation meeting of the new Buergerlich-Demokratische Partei in the town of Glarus east of Zurich August 28, 2008. REUTERS/Arnd Wiegmann

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Geez, this is some kind of horrible nightmare!

I’m in my Econo Lodge motel room in Montana, and I’m ready for a perfect evening - a tumbler of creme de menthe, the TV Guide crossword puzzle, and some good sitcoms. Maybe “Dick Van Dyke” or “Laverne and Shirley.”

But NO! It turns out the only thing on TV here is reruns of  “Those Darned Clintons,” and I’ve seen every episode! That wacky wife who always wants to be in the show, the nutty husband who makes everybody call him “Mr President” even though he isn’t… 

Yeah, here’s the episode where she sneaks onto the podium at a convention and nominates herself. I’ve seen it. Where’s that freaking remote, anyway?

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Democratic presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama, in Billings, Montana, watches Senator Hillary Clinton deliver her speech at the 2008 Democratic National Convention, August 26, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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Okay folks, this new Pepsi ad campaign is gonna make history! I see a kind of slice-of-life commercial, where some big-name spokesman goes into a diner and talks to people about thirst-quenching goodness.

He says, you know, something like, “Is it hot enough for you folks? On a day like this, nothing beats the refreshing taste of an ice-cold Pepsi!

Then the woman says, “I love Pepsi from a bottle, but does it come any other way?”

And then the spokesman says, “YES, WE have a CAN!”

Now, who can we get for an ad like that?

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Democratic presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama speaks to patrons during a campaign stop at Longstreet Deli in Petersburg, Virginia, August 21, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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