Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Luncheon is served in the taffy-teria…

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Blog Guy, I see the foreign ministers from the G8 nations just met up in Canada. I guess with the world situation, they had lots to talk about, right?

Probably, but they didn’t get a chance to communicate much.

taffy combo 260No? Why not?

Because their Canadian hosts served taffy. Maple taffy. After a few bites their teeth were gooey and sticking shut, and they could barely mumble.

By mid-afternoon, fillings were coming loose and unfilled cavities were throbbing. Our own Secretary of State Hillary Clinton couldn’t even get the stick out of her mouth.

Most of the foreign ministers wound up in Canadian dental chairs.

That’s a rotten shame! So they went home empty-handed?

Of course not. They still got to keep their free blue jackets and the official photo.

Who ordered the cream of bream?

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I swear, some days it seems like all I do is settle bets for people. Everybody wants Blog Guy to judge their stupid bar bets, just because I have access to lavish media resources all over the world.

JAPAN/

“Bob,” a reader writes in, “please settle a bet I have with my great-grandmother. In a fight between a sumo wrestler and a fish, who would win?”

Shay, can I get more of thish water?

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PAKISTAN-USA/

 

Lamar, where are you? I know you’re in this storage room, I saw you come in.

hillary glass face crop 240There you are. My God, you’re drunk! Here’s a liter of 100-proof vodka, and it’s almost empty!

He’s got the cash on him, I know it!

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silva pocket 490

Blog Guy, I heard you sometimes help with schoolwork.  Like reports and stuff.

Yeah, if you don’t mind virtually no research and getting a D in a course at a mediocre college and graduating into a dead-end job you’ll have until they sack you for incompetence, I can help.

Does Obama have your back?

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Blog Guy, you know a lot of inside Washington stuff. I hear President Obama is very savvy as far as technology is concerned.

OBAMA/Not really. He tends to prefer doing backberry messages, which are very low-tech.

Well, she’s got MY vote!

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politics performer 490

Okay guys, this is a REALLY tough presidential campaign for us. We need some very successful rallies, so let’s brainstorm this.

politics performer vertical 180Well Boss, how about some entertainment? Some kind of performer to bring in the crowds?

Two, four, six, eight, who we gonna radiate?

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Hi Blog Guy, it’s me! The aspiring photojournalist you’ve been mentoring. Looks like you’ve got me for another semester!

Cripes. What do you want now?

icon combo 490 this one

Well, I have kind of a devious question. Let’s say I’m shooting a politician, but I want a very, very subtle way to make him look good, so readers will form a subliminal positive opinion.

I’m ready Lamar, go have that pork chop now!

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Warning, this is an adults-only scene. It’s evening in the boudoir, a woman is wearing a black satin nightie and red stiletto heels, there’s chilled champagne beside the bed…

“Are you as turned-on as I am, Lamar?” pork viagra combo 490

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“I sure am, Sweetheart!”

“Then go eat that ham sandwich and have your porky-porky way with me!”

They’re brainy, and zany, and just a bit insane-y…

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Blog Guy, you used to have a regular feature called “Those Wacky Foreign Secretaries!” Remember? You’d show how really goofy the world’s foreign secretaries really are, despite having such a serious job. Can you please bring that back?

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Sure. Here we have U.S. Secretary of state Hillary Clinton losing her shoe climbing steps, while some French guy does nothing but watch…

This just in! Blonde comes to Congress!

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Boy, Blog Guy, what a huge news day! Stunning election upset in Massachusetts, incalculable horror in Haiti … I guess that must push everything else off the old news plate, huh?

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I’ll say! When Michaele Salahi, that woman who crashed a White House dinner back in November, came to testify on Capitol Hill today, we barely covered her.