Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, I see the foreign ministers from the G8 nations just met up in Canada. I guess with the world situation, they had lots to talk about, right?
Probably, but they didn’t get a chance to communicate much.
No? Why not?
Because their Canadian hosts served taffy. Maple taffy. After a few bites their teeth were gooey and sticking shut, and they could barely mumble.
By mid-afternoon, fillings were coming loose and unfilled cavities were throbbing. Our own Secretary of State Hillary Clinton couldn’t even get the stick out of her mouth.
Most of the foreign ministers wound up in Canadian dental chairs.
That’s a rotten shame! So they went home empty-handed?
Of course not. They still got to keep their free blue jackets and the official photo.
I swear, some days it seems like all I do is settle bets for people. Everybody wants Blog Guy to judge their stupid bar bets, just because I have access to lavish media resources all over the world.
“Bob,” a reader writes in, “please settle a bet I have with my great-grandmother. In a fight between a sumo wrestler and a fish, who would win?”
Blog Guy, I heard you sometimes help with schoolwork. Like reports and stuff.
Yeah, if you don’t mind virtually no research and getting a D in a course at a mediocre college and graduating into a dead-end job you’ll have until they sack you for incompetence, I can help.
Hi Blog Guy, it’s me! The aspiring photojournalist you’ve been mentoring. Looks like you’ve got me for another semester!
Cripes. What do you want now?
Well, I have kind of a devious question. Let’s say I’m shooting a politician, but I want a very, very subtle way to make him look good, so readers will form a subliminal positive opinion.
Warning, this is an adults-only scene. It’s evening in the boudoir, a woman is wearing a black satin nightie and red stiletto heels, there’s chilled champagne beside the bed…
“Are you as turned-on as I am, Lamar?”
// // //
“I sure am, Sweetheart!”
“Then go eat that ham sandwich and have your porky-porky way with me!”
Blog Guy, you used to have a regular feature called “Those Wacky Foreign Secretaries!” Remember? You’d show how really goofy the world’s foreign secretaries really are, despite having such a serious job. Can you please bring that back?
Sure. Here we have U.S. Secretary of state Hillary Clinton losing her shoe climbing steps, while some French guy does nothing but watch…
Boy, Blog Guy, what a huge news day! Stunning election upset in Massachusetts, incalculable horror in Haiti … I guess that must push everything else off the old news plate, huh?
I’ll say! When Michaele Salahi, that woman who crashed a White House dinner back in November, came to testify on Capitol Hill today, we barely covered her.