Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Damn it, Jim! I’m a doctor not a…

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Blog Guy, you’re a very well connected Washington insider. Now that it looks like we’re really going to have health care legislation, will there be these so-called “death panels” that decide whether folks live or die?

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Sad to say, I believe there will be, and in fact a few of the Death Panels have already started working. As this extraordinary photo shows, the anonymous masked panel members even render their God-like verdicts on small children, like this helpless tyke in a hospital bed.

Wait a minute. Hold the damned phone. I think that’s Pippi Longstocking!

hospital doll crop 260I’m not so sure, but if it is, do you think celebrities should get special treatment from the Death Panels?

You’re missing the point, Blog Guy!

I hear that a lot.

Now try to follow me here. It appears to me that this is only a doll, not a real person. Do  you understand now? Is it sinking in?

The core of a great news photo…

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Dammit Johnson, we’ll make a photojournalist out of you yet! You finally did something right!

I did, Boss?

apple others combo 260Sure. When I sent you out to shoot  the Business Secretary yesterday I didn’t dream you’d manage to get so many shots of him eating an apple.

I don’t remember HER from the revolution!

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Comrade Johnson, thank you for coming in. We have just a few questions before we renew your license to paint revolutionary Communist heroes.

We’ve dropped by your workshop, and most of your portraits are very nice. Good job on Deng and Mao. Very inspiring…

Honey, your torch is out on the porch!

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Blog Guy, a lot of times I hear politicians talk about the “torch-bearing peasants” to describe the mob mentality. They don’t really have those any more, do they?

Good question. Actually, torch mobs seem to be making a comeback, as you can see in these recent photos of people protesting something, somewhere.

Who WAS that masked man?

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Dammit Johnson, you call yourself a NEWS photographer? I send you out to shoot a government official at a press conference, and THIS is what  you come back with? Half his face is missing!

Sorry Boss, but there are problems with his mouth…

Oh? He doesn’t have one?

Yes, he has one, but I believe his lips are covered in giant cold sores, and he has a purple rash all over his chin, and, uh, most of his teeth are either missing or rotten, and his gums…

A balloon shaped like a WHAT?

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Blog Guy, you must be familiar with the works of the prophetic writer Nostradamus. What was the three-word phrase which he predicted would trigger the end of life as we know it?

You know very well what the phrase is.

Yeah, but I want to see it in your blog.

Fine. It’s “turd-shaped balloon.” Are you happy?

The only reason I’m willing to use it is that it showed up in a photo caption this week, so the cosmic chain of events has now begun. We are told in this actual caption that folks in a protest march are carrying a “turd-shaped balloon.”

Ultimate fantasy photo throw-down?

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Blog Guy, prepare for your ultimate throw-down! You’re good at coming up with fantasy photos for your readers. Do you think there’s any limit to your archive?

None whatsoever.

Okay, I’m drawing random names from two different drums. One contains the stars of the old sitcom “Seinfeld,” and the other contains everybody else who ever lived. First, I’d like to see, uh, Jason Alexander, with, let’s see, U.S. Senator Richard Lugar.

Hang on to your Stetson, Jetson!

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Blog Guy, I’m contacting you because I think you have an open mind about conspiracy theories. Am I right?

You betcha. Every nutjob is welcome here. As long as you’re reading me, it keeps you off the streets.

A way to cut down on filibusters?

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Blog Guy, I’ve decided to do my doctoral thesis on the inner workings of the Maldives government. Great idea, huh?

Uh, yeah. I presume your scuba gear is all packed and ready?

Scuba gear? I can’t even swim. Is that a problem?

It might be. It seems they hold their cabinet meetings underwater these days.

They do? Why wasn’t I informed? What is the point of that?

Well, I can’t be bothered to read the photo captions, but if I had to guess I’d say it cuts down on long-winded speeches.

Please don’t smile anymore!

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Blog Guy, you’ve written about that Smiley Geithner guy – you know, the treasury secretary who scowls all the time. Don’t you have ANY photos of him smiling?

I’m not sure.

Not sure? What do you mean by that? It’s a very simple question.

Is it? Look at this picture we took yesterday. I mean, some people might call that a smile, but others…