Blog Guy, whatever happened to James Carville, that bald Cajun political adviser to Bill Clinton? You know, the guy who married that actress Marlee Matlin?

Actually, I think Carville married Mary Matalin, the Republican consultant.

Isn’t that what I said? So what’s Carville up to these days?

I think he’s a brain-eater now.

Excuse me? A brain WHAT?

It’s the darndest thing. I was looking at pictures of zombies at the Toronto Film Festival a couple of days ago, and I’m SURE I saw Carville among them.

That’s amazing! Isn’t that like a really big story? Former Presidential Adviser Now Eats Brains?

Nah, here in Washington that’s not such a big deal. Remember that similar post I had a few weeks ago.

Ah, right, the Hillary Clinton one. So then what’s Mary Matalin doing now? Has she got any new movies coming out?

I don’t know. I’m so confused now…

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Top left: Secretary of State Hillary Clinton walks into meeting in London, April 1, 2009. REUTERS/ Jason Reed

Top right: Actress Marlee Matlin uses sign language during ceremonies unveiling her star on Hollywood Walk of Fame, May 6, 2009. REUTERS/Fred Prouser

Bottom: James Carville on Meet the Press.

Bottom: Man in zombie make-up waits for director George A. Romero at Toronto Film Festival, September 12, 2009. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni

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Quick quiz: Former president Bill Clinton is saying to President Barack Obama…

a) I’m not kidding you, Barack, at Quiznos they’ve got a Primo Meatball sub THIS long, full of seasoned meatballs and zesty marinara!

b) PLEASE act like you’re listening to me, Barack! I don’t wanna have to talk to Hillary and George!

c) So that Kim Jong-il dude has a pumpkin head this big! It’s SO gross!

d) Psssst! Barack, this is a Catholic service - I’m pretty sure it’s time to applaud!

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Former president Bill Clinton talks with President Barack Obama during funeral services for Senator Edward Kennedy in Boston, August 29, 2009. REUTERS/ Brian Snyder

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Blog Guy, I’m afraid this suicide bomb trend is spreading, and it scares me.

Me too. There are way too many kinds of explosive gadgets. I saw this photo of a woman wearing a device made of an alarm clock and sausages.

Sausages? They don’t even explode, do they?

Sure. In many parts of the world they’re also called bangers.

But if you look at the real caption, you’ll see she’s actually protesting on the right side of an issue.

Maybe, but she could still have terrorist links…

Links? LINKS? I get it, Blog Guy. You’ve hit rock bottom.

I know, but it’s a Saturday in August. So if you want frank news in the wurst way, look no furter….

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Activist wearing belt with sausages and an alarm clock takes part in rally protesting Afghanistan’s “Family Law,” in Kiev, August 21, 2009. Afghan authorities passed a law allowing men to deny their wives food if they refuse to obey their husbands’ sexual demands. REUTERS/Konstantin Chernichkin

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Blog Guy, please help settle an argument. My girlfriend says that in some countries, accordion players can actually run for public office. I think she’s wrong.  I know you have written about the accordion problem in the past, and thought maybe you could shed some light.

Your girlfriend is right. Through a loophole in Germany’s election laws, there is an accordion player currently campaigning for office over there.

Incredible! What’s his name?

I believe it’s Jurk.

Okay, wait a minute. Somebody is playing a joke on you.  A dude named Jurk who plays the accordion may actually be elected to office?

Hey, I said he’s RUNNING, not that he could win.

The election is three weeks off, which leaves plenty of time for voters to find out all about his unsavory musical background. Meanwhile, share these photos with every German voter you know!

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Thomas Jurk, top candidate of German Social Democrats for the upcoming Saxony state elections, plays the accordion during a campaign rally in Leipzig, August 9, 2009. REUTERS/Tobias Schwarz

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For those of you who are always badgering me for female Democratic Secretary of State gossip, do I have some juicy stuff for you!

The photos down below, from a party in Nairobi last night, show Secretary of State Hillary Clinton really cutting loose on the dance floor while hubby Bill was having no fun in North Korea.

But here’s the thing. Note the Hillary photo captions are carefully marked, NOT FOR ADVERTISING CAMPAIGNS!

What’s that about? Washington insiders know it’s a slap at former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, who now runs The Secretary of State Dance Studio and is desperate for pix to show the chicks who hold that position being hip and with-it.

Since these pictures are off limits until Hillary decides to open HER OWN dance studio, that leaves Madeleine scrounging for those shots of former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice doing the twist, and we’re already tired of those!

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Above: U.S. Secretary of State Madeleine Albright participates in a traditional dance in front of children in a 2000 file photo. REUTERS/Carlos Linares

Blog Guy, I was reading a history book and saw a word I didn’t know, defenestration. Rather than look it up, I thought I’d ask you what it means.

Defenestration is throwing something out a window. As in, “Close that damn refrigerator door! You’re defenestrating my hard-earned money!” Or like, “Here comes the parade, let’s defenestrate this ticker tape on them!”

Why would that be in a history book?

Centuries ago, in what is now the Czech Republic, angry mobs defenestrated people from tall windows. The events are still celebrated today. Check out this old painting and this new photo reenactment.

Wow! That looks TOO realistic. Um, what happened to that poor guy in the photographs?

Our caption doesn’t say. I fear he may have become a…

Don’t say it!

Too late. A bounced Czech. Or worse.

Worse?

A canceled Czech.

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Re-enactment of a defenestration in Prague, July 31, 2009. The 1419 event began when demonstrators demanded the release of some prisoners but were refused. The outraged crowd burst into the building and threw officials out the windows. REUTERS photos by David W Cerny

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What’s wrong, Blog Guy? I don’t understand!

Huh? You don’t understand what?

I’ve been seeing pictures of former governor Sarah Palin yesterday serving hot dogs as she left the governor’s job.  Isn’t that a natural for you? Why aren’t you all over it?

Oh, that. It’s just too obvious. Too easy. What would I even say?

Come on, straighten up, Mister! You’d say like, Sarah Palin’s wurst job? Or look at the buns on that governor? Or losers and wieners? Or I know, Sarah the Redhot Mama?

Those are awful. I wouldn’t stoop that low, to be frank.

Frank? I get it! I knew I’d see a smile on that face. Now slap a goofy headline on this sucker, and you’re done for the day. It’s like putting lipstick on a pig!

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Alaska Governor Sarah Palin serves hot dogs to well-wishers at the annual Governor’s Picnic in Fairbanks, Alaska, July 26, 2009. Former Republican U.S. Vice-presidential candidate Palin stepped down as Alaska governor on Sunday. REUTERS/ Nathaniel Wilder

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Blog Guy, it’s me. That aspiring photojournalist you’re patiently mentoring.

Yes, yes, what is it now?

I’ve been shooting a lot of politicians and government officials. Should I go for photos of them waving, smiling or what?

Combing. Folks love to see shots of officials combing their hair. If a leader is about to announce your currency has tanked or you’re going to war, his hair should look good, right?

I notice all these examples show males. Are you some kind of a sexist?

No, I just can’t find a single photo of Hillary Clinton or Sarah Palin or Angela Merkel combing or brushing, because women are smart enough to take care of that in private.

It’s only the men who think we want to see some big oily comb disturbing white clouds of itchy dandruff flakes.

I see. Is there a gold standard for this kind of shot?

Yes, it’s a shot of Turkey’s prime minister dropping his brush at a military parade while his wife looks on in disbelief. It’s the Best in Show. Look and learn.

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Above: European Enlargement Commissioner Olli Rehn combs his hair at a news conference at the Macedonian government in Skopje July 23, 2009. REUTERS/Ognen Teofilovski

Right: Assorted guys combing their hair. REUTERS photos.

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Blog Guy, what is Rod Blagojevich, that former Illinois governor, doing since he left office in disgrace?

Good question. That has been a real mystery, until very recently. It appears he took one of those two-week online matador courses, bought a silly outfit, and is now working as a bullfighter in Spain. I spotted him in a photo from Pamplona.

You’re right! I mean, the governor’s smirk has been replaced by a contemptuous sneer, but I’d recognize that trademark hair ANYWHERE! What was it that first tipped you off?

Well, for starters, this bullfighter goes by the nickname of “El Gobernador.” A coincidence? I think not.

Plus, I would imagine that working in proximity to Chicago’s stockyards must look pretty good on a bullfighter job application, don’t you think?

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Former Governor Rod Blagojevich, of Illinois, in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Jeff Haynes

Spanish bullfighter Juan Jose Padilla adjusts his montera (hat) before a bullfight at the San Fermin festival in Pamplona, July 12, 2009. REUTERS/ Susana Vera

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Blog Guy, what can you tell us about yesterday’s meeting between Ukraine’s prime minister and Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi?

It was a fiasco. It seems his people asked her people what topics she would like to cover, and they said she ”always discussed issues.” Now, say that out loud, and it sounds just like TISSUES. Go ahead, try it.

So as you can see here, a perplexed Gaddafi got the most ornate tissue box he could find, and…

“Care for a Kleenex, Madam Prime Minister.”

“Er, yes, thank you, Mr. Gaddafi I see you like the large white variety.”

“Oh yes, I don’t like the pastel-colored ones with lotion in them very much.”

“Very nice. These come out of the box easily, one at a time. May I take some more in case I need to blow my nose later?”

“But of course. Take four if you’d like. Now perhaps we should turn our attention to toilet tissue?”

And so it went, for hours. Then Gaddafi gave her a ceremonial nine-pack of Bounty, and she headed back home to Kiev…

Blog Guy, you’re spinning this whole insane story just because you have photos of Gaddafi with a fricking Kleenex box!

No! That’s a tissue of lies!

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Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi talks to Ukrainian Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko in Tripoli May 26, 2009. REUTERS/Ismail Zetouni

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