Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

I can kill a man with my business card…

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Blog Guy, I love it when you give us Inside Washington stuff that nobody else knows. What’s the latest hot topic among President Obama’s inner circle?

BUSINESS cards clinton 260Oh man, it’s an ugly one! You didn’t hear this from me, but it turns out Obama expects his people to carry oversized business cards. He thinks it’s classy.

So now they lug around cards the size of a bumper sticker. They need a briefcase just to hold them. Each card weighs two pounds, mounted on plywood.

Here you can see Treasure Secretary Timothy Geithner presenting his card to a visitor a couple of days ago, and a shot of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton with one of her cards.

…so help me God. Hey, where are my cookies?

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USA-AFGHANISTAN/

Why are you looking so happy today, Blog Guy?

USA-AFGHANISTAN/Thanks for asking. Because I’m going to testify before the U.S. Senate. I volunteered when I saw that they gave chocolate chip cookies to General Petraeus when he testified.

Okay, wait a minute, Blog Guy. What are you going to testify about?

Huh? I didn’t know it involved actually knowing something. I figured they would ask me how my weekend was and stuff. Look, that guy from BP testified before Congress and claimed he didn’t know anything at all. Can’t I just do that?

Hey! Who wants a piece of the first lady?

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Blog Guy, I see all these very inspiring pictures of first lady Michelle Obama visiting classes in schools, and the kids seem to love her. How does she establish that instant rapport?

I believe normally she begins by challenging them to a fistfight.

WHAT? Are you out of your mind?

michelle muscles 2 300Yes, I probably am, but let’s answer  your questions in order. I think she says, “Hello class,” and they say, “Hello Ms. Obama.”

Too many Singapore Slings, I guess…

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THAILAND/

Quick quiz: a REALLY stupid place to pass out drunk is…

jury drunk vertical 240a) at your wedding, just before your turn to say “I do”

b) in a third-grade classroom, even if it’s the second time you’ve done that grade

c) at the annual Taliban Board of Directors meeting

d) in an anti-government street protest while shooting your slingshot at army troops

Let’s hear it for Number Two!

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PHILIPPINES-ELECTIONS/

Quick quiz: The photos you see here show…

manny rally 2 220a) the staff break room at a typical workplace in heaven

b) the foyer of Hugh Hefner’s mansion at 7 a.m.

c) a thoughtful “Welcome Back” gift for golfer Tiger Woods

d) a rally for a presidential candidate in the Philippines

Surprisingly, the correct answer is that political rally thing. This was one of the final campaign events for candidate Manny Villar before voting day.

What surprises me isn’t so much that this is how Manny’s rallies look, but rather that, according to recent polls, he’s only in SECOND place.

Bring on the dancing bodyguards!

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Blog Guy, I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of seeing photos of world leaders and their bodyguards. You can always spot them, and they just look menacing. Isn’t there a better way to protect important people?

BRITAIN/Indeed there is. This man is Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, with the guards who travel with him.

Honey, did you see another ghost?

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Blog Guy, thank  you so much for your comprehensive coverage of that election campaign over there in Britain. Some of us really do care about foreign news.

cameron wife crop 300Now, you wrote about that Conservative leader, David Cameron. Does he have a wife?

And the crowd is going WILD!

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Blog Guy, I love that you are branching out and giving us foreign news, like about that election over there in Britain.

cameron combo 240You said Prime Minister Gordon Brown is running against an Elvis impersonator, but is there anybody else running?

Bring your banker, we’re grilling out!

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OBAMA/Well, you really screwed up this time, Blog Guy!

You’re talking about yesterday’s posting, right?

You bet. You got all up on your high horse about the British elections, and made it sound like the Europeans are barbaric because they dissolve governments and hang parliaments. Like the U.S.A. is so much more civilized.

I know. Don’t rub it in.

So what happens? That VERY afternoon I go to the lead story on reuters.com, and what do you think I see?

You have the right to remain silent…

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AZERBAIJAN/

Blog Guy, are you forgetting something? You haven’t given your coveted Visual Irony Award for this month. That’s the only reason many of us read your blog.

Wow, is it really that time again? Thanks for the reminder. The latest Visual Irony Award goes to a plain-clothes policeman in Azerbaijan.