Okay guys, this action show concept is a guaranteed hit, so help me brainstorm it. 

It’s called ”Police Pope!” See, this guy used to be a cop, and when he becomes the Pope he still misses police work. So they call him in on tough cases. You know, he’s out on that little balcony a lot, and when they need help they flash a signal. He puts on his cop hat, and he’s off! 

We need fast-paced theme music played on a church organ. Are you with me? And he’s got to have a catch phrase. I know, when he’s onto something, he says “Bingo!” Is that too subtle?

Now, in the first episode, they show him a crime suspect and say, “We need a confession,” and he just winks and smiles knowingly. Is that great, or what!

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Pope Benedict XVI wears a police cap as he meets a former Australian police officer at the Kenthurst Study Center, in Sydney, July 16, 2008. REUTERS/Osservatore Romano/Pool

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Blog Guy, I collect pictures of popes with snakes. Do you have any? All I have so far is one of a guy with a rattlesnake, and to tell you the truth I’m not sure he’s a real pope.

Well weirdo, this is your lucky day. A big glossy shot of Pope Benedict and a python!

Wow, thanks! I guess that man holding the snake must be a respected theologian, if they let him meet the pope. Any idea what wisdom he imparted?

Yes. He said, “They eat things like possums.”

Incredible! Was there anything else unusual about the event?

Only that our caption said Pope Benedict XVI (L), so that easily-confused readers would know the pope was the one on the left dressed like a pope, and not the young blond guy with a snake on his shoulders.

Pope Benedict XVI (L) pats a python at Kenthurst Study Centre where he is resting ahead of World Youth Day in Sydney July 16, 2008. REUTERS/Osservatore Romano/Pool

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When President George Bush went to visit Pope Benedict,  of course he wanted to take something nice. So what did he offer? Um, a picture of himself together with the Pope.

I know it’s hard to shop for a pope, but still this seems odd. Doesn’t the Vatican have its own printers to grind those out in the event the Pope wants a photo of himself with someone who is going to be a world leader for seven more months? And what did the Pope give Bush in return? Oh. That would be an autographed picture of the Pope. Seriously.

So here’s what I think would be cool. I’m going to send them a big copy of this picture of Bush and the Pope holding the picture of Bush and the Pope. Then, if I can just get a picture of the Pope holding the photo of him and Bush holding the photo of him and Bush…. Well, you get the idea. It’s the Perpetual Papal Presidential Present!

Related: Your Holiness! We’re MELTING!

Pope Benedict XVI receives a picture from U.S. President George W. Bush and first lady Laura Bush (L) after a meeting in the medieval St John’s Tower in the Vatican Gardens on June 13, 2008. REUTERS/ Filippo Monteforte/ Pool

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Blog Guy, I’ve heard there’s a super-secret society of prominent people in religion, politics and entertainment who communicate with each other through their own private hand gesture language.

I understand they are very active lately, indicating something big is about to go down. Is this true or not?

Please get a grip. Wouldn’t somebody in the media also have to be involved, to make sure they could all see the messages to each other? Trust me, I would notice if stuff like that started showing up!

Pope Benedict,
REUTERS/Dario Pignatelli

Dinara Safina,
REUTERS/Vincent Kessler

Pedro Martinez ,
REUTERS/Robert Galbraith

Bill Clinton,
REUTERS/Shannon Stapleton

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Blog Guy,

Please settle a bet I have with my sister. Can the Pope fly? I say no, but Sis is sure she remembers something about that.

Well, no, not exactly, although his attire is quite aerodynamic. Sometimes it takes on a life of its own, as these pictures show. But I think your sister is confusing the Pope with Sally Field’s character in The Flying Nun, which went off the air, so to speak, some time ago.

Related, sort of: Your Holiness! We’re MELTING!

TV publicity photo

Pope: REUTERS/ Giampiero Sposito

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I have a deep fear that wax museums will totally confuse the future civilizations that discover them centuries from now. What will they think, finding a waxy Paris Hilton in prison stripes? 

But I must say that a couple of days ago I had a brief flash of appreciation for this art form, upon seeing a tableau of assorted politicians, all grinning at a waxen Pope Benedict around his birthday cake. 

I thought surely the plan was to implant big honking wicks into their heads, and use the statues as  lifesize candles to surprise the real pope when he arrives in DC this week. What a sight!

Well, that was SO NOT THE PLAN, that it turns out I’m supposed to stick close to home for a few days, and be available for questioning. That’s the last time I say what I suppose everybody else is thinking!

Related post: Political paraffin-alia on display

Wax figures of Pope Benedict  and President George W. Bush are pictured “attending” a birthday party with wax figures of presidential candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, and former President Bill Clinton in Washington, April 10, 2008. REUTERS/Jeff Snyder/Handout

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You remember Mehmet Ali Agca, the guy who tried to kill Pope John Paul II, right? Well, he has requested a day’s leave from jail this week. Why?  It turns out the new pope is in Turkey, and Agca would like to meet with him.

I’m not making this up. Agca says he would like to meet with Pope Benedict, to discuss  “theological issues.”

Sure, Mehmet.  But you’re on your honor to lock the cell door behind you when you come back, okay? 

Mehmet Ali Agca, the man who shot Pope John Paul II in 1981, reacts as he detained by Turkish police in Istanbul January 20, 2006. REUTERS/Anatolian

These women have a proud tradition of making fine lace stuff - even a pope got some of it. 

But now there’s something new on their doily cart (obligatory pun for opera buffs), and now you can order their sexy undergarments on the Internet.