Quick quiz: Prince Charles’ wife, Camilla, is seen here reacting violently upon learning…

a) The guy who “married” them was not an actor, but was in fact a real clergyman

b) “Duchess of Cornwall” is just sort of a sarcastic title

c) Her neighbor’s dog is sending her messages again

d) Their supposed two-hour stopover in Canada is actually an 11-day visit

Here’s a tip for readers who are easily confused. Please note our actual caption, below, indicates that the duchess is on the LEFT in this two-person photo, and is not the one in a dark suit holding an umbrella. I know, it surprised me, too.

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Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall (L) reacts as she waits for her husband Prince Charles to fire the gun on the HMCS Haida in Hamilton, Ontario, November 5, 2009. Prince Charles and Camilla are currently on an 11-day tour of Canada. REUTERS/ Fred Thornhill

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Okay gang, you all know the deal. We’ve actually persuaded Prince Charles to endorse our brand of coffee for a TV commercial!

Yeah, he said it’s only Canada so nobody will see it anywhere important, and he can use a few extra bucks.

It’s a real advertising coup, but we only get one take, so it has to be perfect the first time.

Now, the prince is going to just be walking along doing prince stuff, and ask for a cup of our coffee. He’ll try it, and then give us a big smile of delight.

Oh my God! This is our one take? This is supposed to make people buy this crap?

Well, we’ve paid for it so we have to use it, but at least edit out that last few seconds where he drops to his knees and spews his lunch on the crowd.

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Britain’s Prince Charles samples naturally grown coffee in traditional farmer’s market, at the Evergreen Brick Works Restoration site, in Toronto November 6, 2009. REUTERS/Fred Thornhill

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Blog Guy, recently your readers voted overwhelmingly that Prince Charles is the coolest world leader. In light of that, can you give us more news about him? Maybe something like that Queen for a Day thing you did on his mother?

I guess so. The problem is, Charles doesn’t seem to do much. We sent a camera out and what we got back was this combo, taken over a span from noon to 6 p.m., showing Charles trying to get comfy for a nap in his Royal Bed.

Wait, Blog Guy. You’re telling us Prince Charles, with his own palace, sleeps in a single bed with no blanket?

Yeah, those so-called “palaces” are really pretty small. They look impressive from the street, but they’re really more like studio apartments.

And he sleeps in his SUIT?

His choice. He says it’s easier than getting dressed and undressed every day. Tuesdays are different, of course.

Why are Tuesdays different?

On Tuesdays, Charles and Camilla get in the carriage and take his suit in for One-Hour Martinizing.

And what does he do for that hour?

He sits in the carriage, of course. What else would he do in his underwear?

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A combination of pictures shows Britain’s Prince Charles trying out a mattress at an organic mattress company in Ammanford in Dyfed, Wales, October 23, 2009. REUTERS/POOL/Arthur Edwards

Charles and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall ride in a carriage after the official greeting of India’s President Pratibha Patil by Queen Elizabeth in Windsor, southern England, October 27, 2009. REUTERS/Toby Melville

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Ever since my readers voted Prince Charles the “Coolest Leader Dude,” it seems to me he’s doing more “normal” stuff in public.

Like yesterday Charles the Prince of Wales and his typical average wife, Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall, visited a grocery.

Charles demanded to “see where the groundlings buy their bangers and mash and spotted dick.”

Charles pondered shelves of “East Anglia carrots,” whatever those are, while his wife was surprised to find some kind of cheese that didn’t even stink.

The royal couple gathered up peasant-style food to take home and show to the family, but were then confronted by an unexpected check-out line and a cashier who demanded some variety of payment.

“I would have thought you just give them some of your pearls, Camilla dear,” Charles advised.

“But not too many! They should be insulted if it seems as though we’re twits!”

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Top: Prince Charles visits a Waitrose supermarket in Belgravia, central London, September 10, 2009.

Middle: Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, tastes some cheese.

Bottom: Charles and Camilla pay for some groceries.

REUTERS/Johnny Green/Pool

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There’s no point keeping you in suspense any longer.

Our week-long scientific reader poll is over, and by overwhelming majority you selected Britain’s Prince Charles as the Coolest Leader Dude, beating U.S. President Barack Obama and Russia’s Prime Minister Vladimir Putin.

Here you see an emotional Charles hearing the good news today and letting it sink in. Actually these may be photos of some other events, but I imagine he looked pretty much like this.

To quote from a few of the reader ballots:

• 
• Charles was our paperboy when we lived in El Paso. A fine lad!
• I like the looney ones. I bet he laughs like Woody Woodpecker.
• I had all of Prince’s CDs before he changed his name.
• It takes a real man to wear a kilt. My dad wears a skirt, but it’s just not the same.
• It’s so cool not to have a last name! Wait. Is Charles his last name?
  
• I’m voting for Charles, Blog Guy, just to spite you for trying to ‘fix’ the poll results!

To see the whole week’s Coolest Leader posts

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Above: Assorted REUTERS photos of Prince Charles.

Right: Britain’s Prince Charles dances carimbo, a traditional dance of the Brazilian Amazon region, on his visit to the jungle town of Maguari March 14, 2009. REUTERS/ Paulo Santos

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If you wanna know
If he loves you so
It’s in his kiss!
(That’s where it is!)

Yesterday was supposed to be the last day of voting in our Coolest Leader Dude reader poll, comparing U.S. President Barack Obama, Britain’s Prince Charles and Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin.

However, the Online Polling Commission has ordered us to accept votes through this weekend on the grounds that with Charles ahead, there must have been irregularities.

So now I’ve got Jimmy Carter on my sofa going over polling data. The winner will DEFINITELY be announced on Monday, even if God forbid it turns out to be the British guy.

Meanwhile, today we take a look at the guys showing off their charisma by planting big romantic kisses, the kind women expect before you get to the other stuff.

Here’s Obama kissing his wife, Charles kissing his mum and Putin kissing a horse.

Ladies, look at the photos, close your eyes and decide if you’d rather be Michelle, the Queen, or, um, Nelly.

Ya want some more coffee, Jimmy?

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U.S. President Obama kisses his wife Michelle as they dance at an Inaugural Ball in Washington, January 20, 2009. REUTERS/Jim Young

Left upper: Britain’s Prince Charles kisses the hand of his mother, Queen Elizabeth, during a visit to the Chelsea Flower Show in London, May 18, 2009. REUTERS/Sang Tan/Pool

Left lower: Russian President Putin nuzzles a horse in a 2005 file photo. REUTERS/Itar-Tass

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Okay, it’s the last day of voting in our scientific Coolest Leader Dude poll, designed to confer that title on one international leader - Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, Britain’s Prince Charles, or U.S. President Barack Obama.

I must warn you that after a week of balloting, Charles has a massive lead. I plan to spend my whole weekend cooking the results, but I do need something to work with, like a couple of votes for Obama or Putin.

Today we’re looking at the three nominees in hats, which can make a guy look very cool if it’s chosen right and worn well.

For want of official names, we’ll refer to this headgear as Obama’s Indiana Jones hat, Putin’s Aussie bush bonnet and Charles’ uh, groom-on-the-wedding-cake thingy.

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Above: Britain’s Prince Charles attends the first day of the Royal Ascot race meeting, June 16, 2009. REUTERS/ Eddie Keogh

Left upper: U.S. President Barack Obama tours the Egyptian Great Pyramids of Giza and the Sphinx in this handout photo taken June 4, 2009. REUTERS/Pete Souza/The White House/Handout

Left lower: Russia’s President Vladimir Putin fishes in the Yenisei River in Siberia in a 2007 file photo. REUTERS/RIA Novosti/KREMLIN

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We’re almost done with our week-long scientific poll to determine which of three international figures - Britain’s Prince Charles, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin and U.S. President Barack Obama - will be named Coolest Leader Dude.

So far, Charles is confounding the bookmakers by being far ahead in the reader poll.

Today we look at how a cool leader handles a specific requirement of office, consuming ice cream in public to appear to be a man of the people.

Putin goes after the whole thing at once, so he can get back to wrestling a killer shark or whatever. Obama eats his methodically; no drip, no waste, no looking uncool with rivulets of sticky waste cascading down his chin.

And Charles, who apparently has never seen the curious icy substance, is jamming it up his nose just to be a jolly good sport.

Over to you, readers. Vote early and often, and tell your friends to do the same.

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Top: Britain’s Prince Charles smells a spoon full of ice cream in a 2004 file photo. REUTERS/Barry Batchelor

Left upper: Russian President Vladimir Putin eats an ice cream in a 2000 file photo. REUTERS/ Alexander Natruskin

Left lower: U.S. President Barack Obama eats an ice cream in Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming, August 15, 2009. REUTERS/Larry Downing

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Today we continue our scientific poll to find which international figure - U.S. President Barack Obama, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin or Britain’s Prince Charles - will be named the Coolest Leader Dude.

While I am absolutely neutral on this issue, I must point out that Charles has taken a disturbing and baffling lead in early voting, heading toward a result that could be an affront to all mankind.

Today’s photo selection shows the nominees interacting with horses and camels, which are two very cool animals.

Please get everyone you know to participate in this important survey.

Those of you tempted to try casting multiple votes should be aware there’s no way on God’s green earth our polling software will catch you.

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Above: Then U.S. Senator Barack Obama holds a camel at an animal market in Wajid, Kenya, in a 2006 file photo. August 27, 2006. REUTERS/Daud Yussuf

Right upper: Russia’s Prime Minister Vladimir Putin rides a horse in southern Siberia’s Tuva region, August 3, 2009. REUTERS/ RIA Novosti/Pool/Alexei Druzhinin

Right lower: Britain’s Prince Charles makes a face as he walks cautiously past a Clydesdale horse, in a 2000 file photo. REUTERS photo.

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As I hope you recall, I am conducting a scientific reader poll to decide which of several world figures - U.S. President Barack Obama, Russia’s Prime Minister Vladimir Putin and Britain’s Prince Charles - is the Coolest Leader Dude.

It’s not like I especially care or anything, but all the other poll questions have already been taken.

So this week I’m running daily random photos of these guys, so you can make an informed decision based on sunglasses, hats and attitude and stuff.

One hard thing about being a cool leader is not being eclipsed by cool Hollywood celebs. If you can seem cool next to folks who make movies, you’re well on your way to being the Coolest Leader Dude.

So here we have our nominees alongside famous actors George Clooney, Jack Nicholson and, um, Eric Idle, who happens to be in drag. Whatever.

If you’ve aleady voted, well, vote again. I frankly don’t have any way to stop you. And feel free to share this post with large Facebooks groups, like Hannah Montana, with 490,000 fans, and the U.S. Postal Service, with its 512 fans.

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Above: Actor George Clooney alongside Senator Barack Obama in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/ Jason Reed

Right top: Actor Jack Nicholson talks to the Russian President Vladimir Putin in a 2001 file photo. REUTERS/Itar Tass

Right bottom: Britain’s Prince Charles meets British actor Eric Idle (L) in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Alastair Grant/Pool

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