Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

When party smalltalk gets out of control

Photo

Blog Guy, I have a very specific fashion need and I hope you can help with it.

I go to a lot of very fancy affairs, but I have a tendency to say nasty things, and then other guests throw punches at me. What can I wear to protect myself at the holiday parties coming up?

Excuse me. Back up just a minute. You become SO offensive that upscale guests at festive Christmas parties want to punch you out? Is that what you’re saying?

Yes. I’ve never understood why they’re so sensitive, you stupid dumbass.

I think I’m starting to understand. Well, this season you’re in luck. Obnoxious women by the thousands have been flocking to a designer who makes this chic protective helmet called the “Holiday Punch Bowl.”