Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

My armadillo needs a pillow…

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Blog Guy, I have a recipe for armadillo. Do you know a place to buy good ones?

Sure, I go down to Brazil and get mine from Leonardo’s Armadillos.

Leonardo? Didn’t he used to have a shop in Amarillo?

Yes, but Leonardo’s Amarillo Armadillos got closed down for certain peccadillos.

Say no more, I’ve heard all about those armadillo peccadillos! How does Leonardo sell his armadillos?

By the kilo.

Yummy! Armadillo by the kilo! So if I go down to Brazil, how will I know Leonardo?

He’ll be smoking a cigarillo…

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Leonardo Lima da Silva, 17, offers for sale to passing vehicles an armadillo that he and his brother hunted to earn cash, near Maraba in the Brazilian Amazon region, August 18, 2009. REUTERS/Paulo Santos

Exploding wieners, run for cover!

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Blog Guy, I’m afraid this suicide bomb trend is spreading, and it scares me.

Me too. There are way too many kinds of explosive gadgets. I saw this photo of a woman wearing a device made of an alarm clock and sausages.

Tail from the Crypt?

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Hey Blog Guy, sometimes I see funny stuff in the news and I’m sure you’ll use it in your blog, but then you don’t. Do you take bribes to ignore certain things?

Well sure, but folks don’t try to bribe me nearly often enough, even though it’s not hard to do. The truth is, I ignore some stuff because it’s just too obvious, and I do have some pride.

I’m not walkin’ down all these stairs!

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Blog Guy, I was reading a history book and saw a word I didn’t know, defenestration. Rather than look it up, I thought I’d ask you what it means.

Defenestration is throwing something out a window. As in, “Close that damn refrigerator door! You’re defenestrating my hard-earned money!” Or like, “Here comes the parade, let’s defenestrate this ticker tape on them!”

Palin leaves office with relish?

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What’s wrong, Blog Guy? I don’t understand!

Huh? You don’t understand what?

I’ve been seeing pictures of former governor Sarah Palin yesterday serving hot dogs as she left the governor’s job.  Isn’t that a natural for you? Why aren’t you all over it?

Oh, that. It’s just too obvious. Too easy. What would I even say?

Come on, straighten up, Mister! You’d say like, Sarah Palin’s wurst job? Or look at the buns on that governor? Or losers and wieners? Or I know, Sarah the Redhot Mama?

Derringer a harbinger? Don’t shoot the messenger!

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Blog Guy, I just saw that Johnny Depp movie “Public Enemies.” Somebody told me they were auctioning off one of John Dillinger’s real guns.

Yep, it sold on Saturday, for $95,600.

Wow! What kind of gun was it?

A derringer.

Are you kidding me? The Dillinger Derringer?

I don’t kid. They wouldn’t identify the winning bidder, but it may have been actor Tom Berenger.

A box of castanets for my pink bird, please…

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Blog Guy, like many of your readers I have very special fashion needs. I dance the flamenco.

You mean those festive pink birds like I have in my front yard?

No, those are flamingos. I dance the flamenco. You know, with castanets.

That candy you get at the movies?

No, those are Raisinets! Please try to follow me. I clap my hands and stamp my feet a lot.

A dozen decent docents?

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Blog Guy, I read your item about the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop. Are you hiring qualified museum guides? What’s that fancy word for people who do that?

You’re thinking of “docent.” Yes, we can always use a decent docent.

Abe Lincoln, the Big Cheese!

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Happy July 4th, Blog Guy. I just saw an Abe Lincoln statue made of cheese. Isn’t that disrespectful?

No. If you know your history, you know Lincoln was a passionate cheese enthusiast.

Just block my damn spam!

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“I have protected your site from 80,526 spam comments already, but there’s nothing in your spam queue at the moment.”

I get regular personal messages like this one from the tool I use to produce my blog, telling me he is protecting me from spam. Of course, these regular messages seem like a form of spam.