Blog Guy, can you tell me some stuff about high wire?

You mean the 50th state, home to President Obama?

That is the worst pun I’ve ever read. I’m talking HIGH WIRE, like in the circus.

Well, I know that just PLAIN tightrope walking is for sissy weenies these days. These photos show guys competing in a high wire SPEED RACE.

Awesome! So that high wire speed racing is the new macho thing?

It is if you don’t think you can cut it in the MAIN event, Speed Racing Blindfolded on a Flaming Gas-Soaked Tightrope in a Lightning Storm Amid 2,500 Dive-Bombing Rabid Bats.

I see. Hey, what’s that thing left behind on the wire by the guy who dropped his bar?

I’m not sure. It could be some kind of adult diaper.

That’s what I was afraid of.

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Alfred Nock Jr. of Switzerland helps Ya Kefujiang Maimitili of China after Ya dropped his bar in the speed race of the 2009 Hangang High Wire World Championship in Seoul, May 10, 2009. REUTERS photos by Jo Yong-Hak

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Blog Guy, you have written lots about exotic homes of the world’s leaders. Interesting stuff about 10 Downing Street, where Britain’s prime minister lives, and your amazing look at the unique home of Russia’s president. Can you tell us about other official residences, please?

Lots of them are named for colors, like our White House, South Korea’s Blue House, and Canada’s Pink House, the prime minister’s Ottawa home, named for the pink flamingos all over the lawn.

Why is it in Ottawa?

It turns out that’s the capital. Who knew? The locals call the flamingo-strewn residence “Tackytown,” but they prefer it to the former garden gnome motif, called “the Gnome Home.”

What’s your favorite official residence of all?

That would be the UK Prime Minister’s country home, called Chequers. The official residence of China’s top leader is an exact copy of the place.

You don’t say. And what is theirs called? No! Wait! Don’t say it!

You’re too late. Chinese Chequers.

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Canada’s Prime Minister Stephen Harper looks at plastic flamingos placed on the front lawn of his official residence, while walking with his daughter Rachel in Ottawa, April 30, 2009. Staffers placed 50 plastic flamingos on the lawn to mark Harper’s 50th birthday. REUTERS/ Chris Wattie

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Blog Guy, I was interested in the item you had with the dude dressed like an angel to pick up hot chicks. I think that’s what I need, some kind of a new gimmick.

Have you thought of covering your body with 50,000 live bees?

Would that work?

Are you kidding? Chicks LOVE bees! You show up at happy hour looking like this guy, you’re golden! Just practice this classic pickup line: “Would you care to go back to my residence and enjoy my bees and my tennis shoes?”

Sold! I’m heading for the bee store now. Allow me to compliment you on not filling this post with a bunch of juvenile puns like “Hey, honey!” and “I’ve got hives” and stuff like that.

Hey, do you really think I’m that bumbling?

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Beekeeper Wang Dalin, 40, stands with a mantle of around 50,000 bees covering his body with the help of his wife at Chenjiawan village of Zigui County in Yichang, Hubei province, China, April 28, 2009. REUTERS/ Stringer

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Blog Guy, it’s me again, the aspiring photojournalist you’ve been helping. I know shooting photos of celebrities is a huge part of news photography, and I think I’m ready. Who is THE hardest celeb to photograph?

I’m thinking that would have to be Tilda.

Tilde? That squiggly punctuation mark?

No. TILDA! Swinton!

That British actress who was in…um… whatever she was in?

She’s the one.

That seems strange. Why?

Just look at all these attempts in our photo archive. I gather she moves her head up and down so you can never get a full frame, and she makes horrible faces.

You mean you didn’t crop those photos like that?

Nope. And as you can see below, she doesn’t pose too well in a chair, either.

Yikes! Think I’ll stick with the punctuation mark!

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Above: Combo shot of British actress Tilda Swinton at a news conference in Berlin, February 5, 2009. REUTERS/Johannes Eisele

Below: Swinton poses during an interview with Reuters in New York, April 29, 2009. REUTERS/Mike Segar

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Photos courtesy of Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop

Blog Guy, I know you follow the advertising business. I was wondering if successful ad campaigns in the States work well overseas, as well?

Not always. You know those insurance commercials where that obnoxious duck keeps saying “AFLAC!” until you want to wring its neck?

Duck? I thought that was a goose.

Really?  I’ll take a gander at Google…

A gander?  So anyway, what happened?

They tried shooting that commercial in Hungary, and the duck did his AFLAC! thing near a line of riot police.

And?

Turns out the cops weren’t discussing insurance. They were talking about dinner, and Hungarian cuisine relies heavily on ducks and geese. You do the math. 

Is any of this true?

No, but it’s like that saying, ”If:it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…then let’s roast it in sauerkraut and caraway seeds and eat it!”

No animals were harmed in doing this blog

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A goose is seen in front of a police line after being released by anti-government protesters during a rally in front of Budapest’s parliament building April 14, 2009. REUTERS/Laszlo Balogh

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Blog Guy, what did you think of President Obama’s tour of Europe? I was very moved when I saw that somebody in Turkey had done his image on a baklava.

You mean one of those Russian stringed instruments?

Sigh. No, that’s a BALALAIKA. Here’s a picture of Vladimir Putin playing one. The Obama portrait I’m talking about was done on a BAKLAVA.

Oh, right. Those ski caps people wear to cover their faces.

You’re a dunderhead! The cap is a BALACLAVA. Not a BALALAIKA or a BAKLAVA, which is a dessert. Look at this photo of a guerrilla arranging his balaclava. He is from Albania.

The New York State capital? I know it’s cold up there, but this seems excessive.

You’re a total moron, Blog Guy. I can’t take it. I’m out of here!

Fine. Leave me in peace to strum my baklava in Upstate New York.

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Above left: Russian President Vladimir Putin tries a balalaika in 2005 file photo. REUTERS/ Itar-Tass

Above right: Ethnic Albanian National Liberation Army guerrilla arranges his balaclava in 2001 file photo. REUTERS/Radu Sigheti

Below: Nadir Gullu holds pan with baklava with Obama image, dubbed the Baracklava, in Istanbul, April 6, 2009. REUTERS/ Finbarr O’Reilly

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Blog Guy, I see President Obama seems to be going to every country in Europe.

Get a clue! Obama himself went to a couple of important countries, then flew home. Now they’re just shipping cardboard cutouts around so the leaders of other nations can have photo opportunities.

The cutouts stand in front of a cardboard version of Air Force One, pose with some locals, and then they’re quickly put back into their flat travel carton.

But aren’t the leaders of those countries insulted?

They know the score. Having their photo taken with a cardboard Obama surrounded by cardboard Secret Service agents impresses their citizens. They even pay a hefty fee for the “presidential visit.”

I’m stunned! So do they pay a per-photo amount for the cardboard Obama?

No, it’s um, a flat fee. So to speak.

Damn! I should have seen that one coming!

Maybe you’re not cutout for this.

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Reuters photos of cardboard Barack Obama cutouts, except for the one on the lower left, showing the real Obama shaking hands with Turkish Prime Minister Tayyip Erdogan in Ankara, April 6, 2009. REUTERS Turkey shot by Murad Sezer.

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Today’s political protesters don’t seem to have the commitment we saw in the turbulent 20th century. I’ve ranted about golf-playing protesters, radicals who don’t quite get it, and protesters who only rally in historical costumes.

But this may be the worst. A photo of guys demonstrating against the G20 summit, IN FRICKING DECK CHAIRS!

That’s right. It’s like they came prepared to see fireworks or an eclipse or something.

“Excuse me, Alain, avez-vous the croissants?”

“Mais Non, Henri, but try some brie and champagne!”

We asked for comments but rally organizers reclined, so to speak. One protester did explain that lounge chairs make it easier to leave in a hurry when police are coming.

“You’ve gotta know when to fold ‘em,” he said.

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Demonstrators sit on deck chairs in front of the former Paris Stock Exchange during a rally against the upcoming G20 summit, March 28, 2009. REUTERS/ Benoit Tessier

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Blog Guy, I love  your fashion coverage, but please write more about accessories.

You’re right. As the lady in “Steel Magnolias” said, “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” This season, it’s garden gloves. See how much better this outfit looks by adding big honking weed-pullers?

Brilliant! What else?

For the first time in years, swords are back. Sabers, scimitars… Cutting edge fashion.

Great, I’ll be en garde for them. And what about hats?

Strictly stovepipe. It’s the Babe Lincoln look this season, all the way.

Hold on Blog Guy. You can’t tell me well-dressed women will look like Abraham Lincoln.

Honest! And not just for accessories, but basics.

I hope this isn’t going where I think it is.

Maybe. It’s the season of the Gettysburg Dress!

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REUTERS photos by Carlos Barria, Adnan Abidi, Stefano Rellandini

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Blog Guy, I heard the newest fashion fad is wearing bread on your head. Is that true?

Absolutely! At Milan Fashion Week, “head bread” was the toast of the show.

Toast of the show? I’m warning you!

All the models were wearing flours in their hair.

Okay, that’s it! Bring back the goofy-faced tennis players!

Look, if you don’t like bread puns, I’ve got plenty of readers who do.

Yeah? I’d like to know who THEY are!

Mostly upper crust snobs, living along the Yeast Coast.

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A model presents a creation as part of the Agatha Ruiz De La Prada Fall/Winter 2009/10 women’s collection during Milan Fashion Week March 3, 2009 REUTERS/ Alessandro Garofalo

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