Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

The unpaid working for the undead?

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Blog Guy, I really want to get into the movie business. Can you help me out?

I suppose I can pull a few strings and get you an unpaid production assistant job on “World War Z,” that new zombie movie starring Brad Pitt.

Wow! I would get to be Brad Pitt’s assistant?

Slow down, Speedy! No, you get to assist the zombies. Stack them in a truck, drive them from scene to scene, use a pitchfork to put them where they belong, and so on.

Can’t they just lurch from place to place?

Hardly. They may be the walking dead, but they are still stars who want to be pampered.

This sounds like very menial work, Blog Guy. I wanted to use my brains.

Trust me, when you’re working with zombies that isn’t really what you want.

Bridesmaid Festival, attendants required?

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Blog Guy, I have a common problem. I’ve been a bridesmaid in three weddings this year alone, and I don’t know what to do with all my stupid bridesmaid dresses.

I mean, they’re all hideous and I can’t wear them anyplace. There must be something they’re good for.

When the top brass goes to Europe…

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Hey Blog Guy, we could use some of your famous travel advice. My brass ensemble is going to Paris, and we….

Are you out of your mind? Don’t you know the French can’t stand brass instruments? You could be arrested before you play a single note.

Then the queen says to this fishmonger…

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I say, my good man, are you the local fishmonger?

You’ve come to the right plaice, your majesty. I’m the o-fish-al monger!

Well, I must say, there is a vile odor here!

You smelt something bad? Say, did you come to carp, or are you here just for the halibut? Get it? Halibut? I got a million of ‘em!

I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore

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Blog Guy, I come to you for all my news about the movie industry. I worry that the big stars are demanding so much money these days, Hollywood will just stop making new films. Is that a real possibility?

No, but we will see some serious changes. One studio has already begun making movies with pugs in the starring roles.

A sure way to get their attention…

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We’ve got another fashion show today, Lamar, and money is still very tight. Did you manage to find us a model who works cheap?

I did, Boss. She’s dressing now.

What’s wrong with her, Lamar? There’s always something wrong with those cheap ones you get.

Putting in a good word for good words

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Most of us have favorite words, and it is a very personal choice. We enjoy the images they evoke and the sound that they make.

I remember hearing that someone’s favorite word was marmalade. Damn, that is one fine word. It brings to mind color, taste, aroma and sweet childhood summers.

Getting down with ducks?

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CHINA/

Citizens, you all know why we’re here. We need to do something about these killer ducks that have been preying on humans. Look, here’s a grisly photo of their latest victim.

I believe Sheriff Lamar has been searching for these vicious killers. Lamar?

china ducks crop 260That’s right, Mayor. I’ve been tracking the killer ducks on wet ground.

And this is from my dumbass collection…

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Blog Guy, recently you wrote about an upcoming auction where they were going to sell a rare signed photo of the outlaw Jesse James for an expected $20,000 to $30,000. When is that auction?

pope alexander 240It’s over. It was this week, and they had autographs of Somerset Maugham, Pope Alexander VII…

The best TV crime show on the heir?

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crime queen this 490

Okay, you know why we’re here. We owe the network one more high-concept police procedural to match our earlier hits, “Police Pope” and “Monkey See, Monkey Blue.”

crime queen 240So who’s got an idea for us to pitch? Lamar?

Well Boss, the public just can’t get enough of those crime sceneĀ  forensic science shows.