Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Eft, eft, eft wite eft…

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RUSSIA/

Okay Colonel Johnson, thank you for appearing before the Senate Defense Committee with your blueprint for a strong military in our new breakaway republic.

Now, as I understand it, all of your emphasis is on strong teeth and good oral hygiene for our troops, is that correct?

RUSSIA/Exactly, Senator. That’s why I called my document “The Gums of Navarone.”  It’s crucial that each fighting man be able to carry a desk in his teeth, in case he needs to fill out a form or write home.

I see. But Colonel, why can’t they carry the desks with their hands?

They’re TROOPS! They need their hands free for their guns. You could say they need their hands for their arms, heh heh…

When gifted bikini models need my help

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Blog Guy, I work for a bikini modeling agency that hires only gifted models.

COLOMBIA-FASHIONThat must be fascinating. What’s the latest methodology for telling if a bikini model is gifted?

I know you’re not gifted yourself, Blog Guy, but are you really that stupid? Look at the pictures. We have brightly-wrapped GIFTS  attached to our heads. That shows we’re gifted. There’s no mystery.

Hey, you’re just a pretender vendor!

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Blog Guy, I saw some Reuters photos of street vendors in San Salvador, having a protest. There were THOUSANDS of them. How can there be so many street vendors in one city?

That’s easy. There are no indoor shops there. Everything is sold on the streets by vendors.

Bring me that one, the SAUCY wench!

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JAPAN/

Blog Guy, I have a problem. I love giving dinner parties, but I don’t have enough storage space in my kitchen for all of my pots and pans and cooking utensils. What should I do?

JAPAN/You’re in luck. There was just a fashion show that addressed this very need, for chefs who are under your kind of, uh, strain.

The latest ingenews from Cannes!

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zombie women 490

Blog Guy, are you covering that big-deal Cannes Film Festival that’s going on now?

zombie cannes 2 240Sure, if  by “covering” you mean sitting 3,000 miles away from it and looking at our photos and making stuff up, then you bet I am!

Honeydew you have any melon news?

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Blog Guy, I hate to complain, but you used to do a better job of covering melons. The main reason I come here is to get my melon news.

INDIA/Then you’re in luck. It’s the season, and melons are on the move!

Now that’s more like it. How do they get them across the Ganges River?

Some use camels, some use boats. There are big local melon transport firms, most of them owned by women. You know, Angie’s on the Ganges, Helen’s Melons, Dromedary Queen…

A man who appreciates a nice bust…

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Blog Guy, as long as you’re covering foreign news like the British elections, can you fill us in on the Italian Government?

berlusconi statue 1 280I’ve heard some slightly disturbing stuff about the prime minister’s health.

I’ll have a root beer vanilla flotilla…

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ITALY

Blog Guy, I read with interest your piece on the upcoming regatta for the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop. But isn’t a regatta just the same thing as a flotilla?

flotilla godzilla 220No, not to a careful wordsmith. Flotilla has more of a military connotation, like a small fleet of ships. Very often, a flotilla is organized for a specific tactical purpose.

We got a regatta!

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PERU/

Blog Guy, I was intrigued to read about your festival at the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, with the Prom Queen and stamps. What other activities have you planned for the event?

PERU/Well, we’re having a majestic sailing regatta on the Potomac.

So you have a ship?

No. One ship is not a regatta. We have dozens.

Wow! That’s a lotta regatta!

And they’re all carrying those famous clay warriors from China. It’s a terracotta regatta.

Brief query: what’s in a boxer’s drawers?

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BOXING/

Blog Guy, help settle a bet with my boyfriend, please.

Here we go again with the settling of stuff. That’s all I do anymore. I should be a contender for that Supreme Court vacancy.

boxer briefs 240Enough about you, Blog Guy. This is a sports question about fighters and undershorts. Do professional boxers really WEAR boxers?