Quick quiz: Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani, who now earns a living telling scary campfire stories for young and old and bills himself as “BOO-liani,” is saying here…

“So the THUMP-THUMP-THUMP was his head, rolling down the old staircase!”

“Then he screamed, ‘That isn’t RAIN on my windshield, it’s BLOOOOOOOD!’”

“Suddenly, she realized! The call was coming from INSIDE the mayor’s mansion!

“If the capital gains tax is raised, we won’t be quite as RICH!”

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Former Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani speaks at the Republican National Convention in St. Paul, Minnesota, September 3, 2008. REUTERS/Mike Segar

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Quick quiz: The guy in this photo is saying…

“Hi! Looks like we’re seatmates all the way to Tokyo!” 

“You don’t mind if I fly naked, do ya Bob?

“You take the middle seat. Sometimes I have to get to the lavatory REAL fast!”

“Bob, those bloggers make me CRAZY! I’d love to get my hands on one! So what do YOU do?

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Meir Ezra prepares before competing in the Mr. Israel bodybuiding contest in Tel Aviv August 30, 2008. REUTERS /Sharon Perry

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Quick quiz: You find graphic evidence that your husband has been unfaithful. You…

a) toss his cheating butt out on the street with the evidence close behind

b) hand the evidence over to your lawyer and take hubby to the cleaners

c) put the evidence up for sale on eBay

Pay attention, folks! If it’s humiliating, tawdry or tacky, you can make money out of it, which is what a wife is doing with the lacy black panties and condom wrapper she found in her bed.

Adding insult to injury, her ad stresses the condom is small, and the panties are very large.

But here’s the really scary thing. She’s only selling a PHOTO of the panties, because it turns out eBay prohibits selling used underwear . Now, this is news! If it’s necessary for them to make a rule like that, then this counts as another genuine sign of the upcoming Apocalypse!

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Screenshot of eBay listing taken on August 13, 2008.

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Quick quiz: the words this guy LEAST wants to hear are…

“Sorry hon, looks like we left the sunblock at home!”

“Wow, I didn’t think the tide would be coming in for hours!”

“Hey Dad! Here comes the Beach Dentist!”

“Yikes, what the heck is a Zamboni machine doing way out here?”

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Mohmmed Emad is buried neck-deep in the sand at Siwa Oasis, Egypt, August 12, 2008. The people in Siwa believe that being buried in the sand during the hottest time of the day can cure rheumatism, joint pain and sexual impotency. REUTERS/Nasser Nuri

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Quick quiz: To make sure they’re comfortable around animals, young children should spend time with…

a) Mr. Donkey
b) Mrs. Moo-Cow
c) Miss Chimpanzee
d) Mr. Deadly Cobra

Yeah, that doesn’t seem to be a tough one. It makes you wonder what’s gonna happen when this snake gets irritated by a tune he doesn’t like, or decides he wants something yellow for lunch today or whatever.

Come along, little Sally, now it’s time to go pet Mr. Snarly Hyena and Miss Rabid Bat…

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Women offer prayers to a cobra snake on the occasion of the Hindu festival of “Naag Panchami” in the central Indian city of Bhopal August 6, 2008. Naag Panchami is a unique festival dedicated to honoring the snake god. REUTERS/Raj Patidar

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Quick quiz: If you are a professional truckdriver, a good thing to haul is…

a) jelly doughnuts
b) bunny rabbits
c) designer shoes
d) highly explosive fireworks

I know campus recruiters are promoting what they call “the exciting field of fireworks transport,” but think twice. Lightning season is coming up, and I notice in this photo that the gasoline tank is pretty close to the goodies.

If you DO choose this career, here’s some advice. At the gas station, go to the FULL SERVICE pump, say “Fill ‘er up,” and hurry inside to buy a bag of Cheetos. If something goes wrong, you can snack while enjoying the show through the window.

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Fireworks are prepared on the back of a military truck for a rehearsal of the opening ceremony for the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games.  REUTERS/Alvin Chan

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Quick quiz: what personal hygiene chore is acceptable at a public parade?

* flossing to get big chunks of meat out of your teeth

* clipping your big old curling yellow toenails

* cleaning your ears with a waxy cotton swab you found

* brushing your hair

Yeah, I suppose if you have to do one of those, hair brushing would be the best.

Unless of course you try one of those Arthur Fonzarelli moves and you can’t even hold on to your brush, and the woman next to you gives a look of disgust, and then the parade marchers start shouting “Dork! Dork! Dork! over the loudspeaker.

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Turkey’s Prime Minister Tayyip Erdogan drops his hairbrush while combing his hair as his wife Emine looks on during a military parade in northern Cyprus July 20, 2008. REUTERS/Andreas Manolis

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Blog Guy, will you help settle some bar bets about what beats what if you match them against each other?

Sure. I can set up any kind of test match for you. My budget is huge.

Okay, a guy leaping like a frog, against a Yamaha motorcycle. Who wins?

As you can see in this photo, the Yamaha creamed the leaping frog guy.

Cool! A race horse against a massive container ship. Who wins?

Surprisingly in our test match the container ship beat three horses.

Lastly, two young punks with hammers against an older woman with a broom?

I even shot video of this one. The broom-lady creamed the punks.

Wow! This is the best online service I’ve ever seen. I’m joining your Oddly Enough Blog Facebook network.

Welcome, italic-font stranger. Lots of others are doing likewise.

(above) Yamaha MotoGP rider Valentino Rossi of Italy (L) celebrates after winning the 2008 U.S. Grand Prix in California July 20, 2008. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

(below) Jockeys race horses as a container ship and a ferry pass by during traditional horse and trotter race meeting in Duhnen on the German North Sea coast, July 13, 2008. REUTERS/Christian Charisius

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Quick quiz: The German phrase on this fashion model’s chest translates to…

a) “How’s my driving?”

b) “I can text-message with my bosom!”

c) “Help me get this ridiculous pink thing off my head!”

d) “Your call is very important to us”

I’m told it may mean “Fashion is a beautiful charade.” Then again, it may relate to that Schiller dude, whose missing skull is the stupidest story of the year, and his concept of an aesthetic illusion. Or, if the model is using her navel for punctuation, that could change everything.

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A model shows a creation from the label ‘Susanne Wiebe’ during ‘Fashionweek Berlin Spring Summer 2009 ‘ in Berlin, July 17, 2008. REUTERS/Tobias Schwarz

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Quick quiz: This photo shows…

a) a popular one-woman Broadway tribute to all six wives of Henry VIII.

b) the television scene where Lucy wants to meet the Sultan of Brunei, so she uses Fred’s old Vaudeville props and….heck, I don’t even have to finish this sentence!

c) a woman who, for no apparent reason, was stopped from going up to the stage at a John McCain rally. 

But here’s the really unusual thing about this photo. Our caption says it can’t be used for advertising campaigns. Seriously. Can anybody please tell me what product is so horrible that you’d use this photo to advertise it?

A model presents a creation by the label ‘Basso&Brooke’ during the ‘Fashion week Berlin Spring Summer 2009 ‘July 18, 2008. The event runs from July 17 to 20 in the German capital. REUTERS/Hannibal Hanschke  FOR EDITORIAL USE ONLY. NOT FOR SALE FOR MARKETING OR ADVERTISING CAMPAIGNS.

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