Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

One man’s way of avoiding a layoff?

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Quick quiz for tough economic times. What are some effective things you can do to help prevent being laid off?

a)  Be a model worker. Don’t surf the Internet, hang around the coffee machine, leave early, etc.

b) Take on extra responsibilities and learn new skills; make yourself indispensable.

c)  Offer constructive suggestions for cutting costs in other ways.

d)  Have your boss killed.

Yeah, there’s nothing funny about that last option. We have a story about a guy who was arrested after the police suspected he hired a contract killer to murder his boss in a desperate bid to avoid being laid off.

A place to get gas and gassed…

Quick quiz: Where would be a really stupid place to sell booze? a) churches b) kindergartensc) hospitals d) gas stations Okay, they’re all pretty stupid, but I guess I’m going to say gas stations, because you really can buy liquor there in Lithuania. I’m not making this up.But in a clear example of jack-booted repression, on January 1 it became illegal for gas stations to sell liquor at night.I mean, what could go wrong with a carload of yokels pulling off the highway, filling their tank, buying a couple of handles of vodka and roaring off into the darkness?To answer an obvious question, police data show that alcohol-related accidents have dropped by 45 percent since the ban was imposed. Nevertheless, an oil and gas company is fighting the ban, saying it may force them to start closing their stations at night and laying off workers.Well boo-hoo! My own personal opinion is that they should continue the ban at gas stations, and just sell their booze at highway toll booths, instead.

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Above: Women play in mud during international music festival “Be2gether” in Lithuania, June 13, 2009. REUTERS/Vasily Fedosenko

You had garlic bread for breakfast, didn’t you?

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Quick quiz: Well-to-do socialite Paris Hilton and this guy here are…

    Discussing if they can get to the bar in time for Wednesday night $1 margaritas. Singing that Captain and Tenille hit, “Muskrat Love.” Shooting a mouthwash ad that will only be seen in Japan. Flirting shamelessly; She’s saying, “I’ve done hard time, big boy, that changes a girl!” and he’s saying, “You’re a socialite? So you think the government should own everything?”

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Socialite Paris Hilton and her friend Doug Reinhardt kiss as they arrive on the red carpet for the screening of the film “Inglourious Basterds” by director Quentin Tarantino at the 62nd Cannes Film Festival May 20, 2009. REUTERS/Eric Gaillard

Honey, the guide says they serve IMPORTED rats here!

Quick quiz: Thousands of live rats in Cambodia, shown in crates below, are being shipped to Vietnam to…

a) enjoy a getaway at one of the world’s top rat vacation destinations.

b) be used as Happy Rat Day gifts.

c) take part in a rat exchange which could lead to a foreign exchange program involving real students.

Hiking in the Alps, a bit of clothing halps?

Quick quiz: hiking amid the stunning alpine beauty of the Appenzell area of Switzerland would make any nature-lover want to…

a) belt out a favorite song from “The Sound of Music.”

b) bounce a hearty yodel from peak to peak.

c) stop on the trail for a fondue feast.

d) strip and expose buck-naked leathery flesh to innocent strangers.

I’m afraid the correct reply is the naked hiking thing, which is why this place has just banned the activity, known locally as “Birthdaysuitinfloppinwalkin.”

Harry Potter and the murder rap?

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Quick quiz: These smiling, fresh-faced kids…

a) Have been cast to star in a new Harry Potter movie.

b) Were accepted to the leafy New England college of their choice.

c) Are going to the senior prom together.

d) Seem to really be enjoying their murder trial.

If you guessed the murder trial you win, although the reason for the smiles is a mystery to me.

The two, Amanda Knox and Raffaele Sollecito, have been on trial for several weeks, and some of these happy snaps were taken as recently as today. Whenever we get new photos from the court, I marvel again at the degree of levity.

And what became of the monk, the monk, the monk?

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Quick quiz: The man in this photo…

a) is a professional aspirin tester, giving himself a routine headache at the start of his workday.

b) is a Kindle reader who just HATES the new John Grisham book!

c) is disappointed to realize he could’ve had a V8.

d) is killing flies by a method that isn’t doctor-recommended.

This item is for all you college seniors writing in to ask me about careers in the exciting field of iron sheet disposal. I can tell you from tough personal experience that it’s not as glamorous as it looks.

I’ve been napping on the railroad, all the live long…

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Quick quiz: if you feel tired at work and you need to catch a few winks, a good place to do it is…

a) a cot in the office.

b) the back seat of your car.

c) the barstool at your watering hole

d) a railroad track, on April Fool’s Day.

Unfortunately, this guy chose d).

I imagine his buddies in the work crew said something like, “Lonnie, you’re lookin’ kind of sleepy. Go on, close your eyes. Those tracks are real comfy, and the 12:06 to Shanghai is always late.”

Way to hover, lover!

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Quick quiz. The secret of this impressive levitation illusion is…

a) That pole is steel, buried six feet into the pavement, and it has a small seat on it that is hidden by her dress.

b) An army helicopter hovers overhead, suspending her by transparent cables.

c) An industrial blower hidden under the sidewalk shoots a super-strong column of air through that shag bathroom rug, holding her in mid-air. Her hair is glued to her back so it won’t blow and give away the secret.

Be as classy as a drug lord!

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Quick quiz: Business is good, you have a lot of extra cash, so you use it to…

a) make a major donation to Doctors Without Borders

b) build a new homeless kitchen in your city

c) establish a scholarship fund for Katrina victims

d) cover your gun, your cellphone, your patio furniture and your grandma in gold and diamonds.