Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Hey look! Isn’t that Fonzie?

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Quick quiz: what personal hygiene chore is acceptable at a public parade?

hair-brush-crop-120.jpg* flossing to get big chunks of meat out of your teeth

* clipping your big old curling yellow toenails

* cleaning your ears with a waxy cotton swab you found

* brushing your hair

Yeah, I suppose if you have to do one of those, hair brushing would be the best.

Unless of course you try one of those Arthur Fonzarelli moves and you can’t even hold on to your brush, and the woman next to you gives a look of disgust, and then the parade marchers start shouting “Dork! Dork! Dork! over the loudspeaker.

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Turkey’s Prime Minister Tayyip Erdogan drops his hairbrush while combing his hair as his wife Emine looks on during a military parade in northern Cyprus July 20, 2008. REUTERS/Andreas Manolis

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What beats what, Blog Guy?

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frog-and-cycle-220.jpgBlog Guy, will you help settle some bar bets about what beats what if you match them against each other?

Sure. I can set up any kind of test match for you. My budget is huge.

Okay, a guy leaping like a frog, against a Yamaha motorcycle. Who wins?

As you can see in this photo, the Yamaha creamed the leaping frog guy.

jockeys-360.jpgCool! A race horse against a massive container ship. Who wins?

Surprisingly in our test match the container ship beat three horses.

Lastly, two young punks with hammers against an older woman with a broom?

I even shot video of this one. The broom-lady creamed the punks.

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I can text-message with my bosom!

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Quick quiz: The German phrase on this fashion model’s chest translates to…

model-german-words-120.jpga) “How’s my driving?”

b) “I can text-message with my bosom!”

c) “Help me get this ridiculous pink thing off my head!”

d) “Your call is very important to us”

I’m told it may mean “Fashion is a beautiful charade.” Then again, it may relate to that Schiller dude, whose missing skull is the stupidest story of the year, and his concept of an aesthetic illusion. Or, if the model is using her navel for punctuation, that could change everything.

Mom! You didn’t hafta come to PTA!

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Quick quiz: This photo shows…

fashion-brooke-140.jpga) a popular one-woman Broadway tribute to all six wives of Henry VIII.

b) the television scene where Lucy wants to meet the Sultan of Brunei, so she uses Fred’s old Vaudeville props and….heck, I don’t even have to finish this sentence!

c) a woman who, for no apparent reason, was stopped from going up to the stage at a John McCain rally. 

Who made your sub, Bub?

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Quick quiz: which of these are really great homemade?

sub-160.jpga) fresh peach ice cream
b) blueberry pie
c) buttermilk biscuits
d) submarines

Exactly. Not the subs. Submarines just seem better when they’re made in a shipyard, not some bozo’s hobby shop. Yet despite my warnings in posts like Gosh, this sub really dives fast!, there is now a whole frickin’ FLEET of homemade subs smuggling cocaine from Colombia. They found nine last year alone! 

Her cups runneth over?

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Quick quiz: you can tell if a woman has class if you offer to buy her a glass of wine and she says…

wine-3-180.jpga) Thank you, I’ll have a supple Margaux
b) Thank you, I’ll have an earthy Syrah
c) Thank you, I’ll have an overpriced Pinot Grigio
d) No thanks, hot-shot, I got me a brassiere full of cheap sweet red, right here!

Gimme a C! Gimme an H! Gimme a sexy outfit!

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dream-combo-180.jpgQuick quiz: The women below are…

a) Weather ladies on a local TV news show
b) Berry Girls at a strawberry shortcake festival
c) Cheerleaders

They are Chinese cheerleaders. I was surprised too, since this isn’t how most guys think cheerleaders should look. I’m pretty sure these outfits were patterned after the ones worn by Puritan cheerleaders at the Salem witch trials, but clearly the designer also was influenced by “I Dream of Jeannie” reruns.

The most protected folks on Earth

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It’s winter in Antarctica, and the residents are ready for months of total darkness. Quick quiz: among their last supply shipments were…

    the new HBO John Adams series on DVD books and movies about early Antarctic exploration 20 sets of Trivial Pursuit 16,500 condoms

Yeah, it’s the condoms. There are only about 125 people there now, so the math suggests total debauchery. But the supply is supposed to last all year, even after the sun rises again on August 20. The manager of the base station says condoms are given free to staff. Everyone knows everyone, so it’s embarrassing to go buy them. Maybe even more embarrassing to be the only guy who doesn’t ask for some….

Papa John’s? Me ‘n’ Ernie want a million pizzas!

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Quick quiz: In this photo, a cadet is…

    playing the oldest practical joke in the book: “It’s for you, Mr. President!” helping Bush leave a voice mail drafting Scott McClellan. having Bush call his Latin professor a “big fat poo-poo head” dumping his fiancée by having Bush say, “I need Ernie for a secret mission!”

bush-crop-360.jpgPresident George Bush talks on cellphone handed to him by a cadet during Air Force Academy graduation in Colorado Springs, Colorado May 28, 2008. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

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Now, share those grenades, Joey!

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weapons-2-160.jpgQuick quiz: your kids are pestering you for the so-called “day of fun” you promised them a couple of years ago when you were half-asleep.

A really good place to take them just to shut them up would be…

Yeah, I was surprised by that last option, too, until I saw our pictures of small children playing with assault rifles, grenade launchers and I don’t know, maybe even nuclear warheads. It’s anybody’s guess what they sell at the souvenir shop.