Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Care to check your shoulders, Ma’am?

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hannibal-eyes-140.jpgQuick quiz:

You’re the maitre d’ at an elegant restaurant, and this model walks through the door. You say to her…

    “This way, please, Mrs. Lecter. I believe Hannibal has already begun chewing through his restraints…” “How lovely! Many men find freakish shoulder development most attractive…” “Whatever happened to those two adorable dogs you used to bring here?” “The calls came from inside the house?”

Related link: Do you, Hannibal Lecter, take this bride…

hannibal-360.jpgModel displays creation by designer Jose Miro during Pasarela Cibeles Autumn/Winter 08-09 fashion week in Madrid February 14, 2008.  REUTERS/Sergio Perez 

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You never saw a guy pulled apart before?

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Quick quiz: this picture shows…

    A dude paying the price for not knowing this is the “Year of the Rat.” His guess, ”Year of the Miniature Schnauzer,” was just plain stupid.  A grotesque version of our wishbone tradition. One of the rope-pullers will get his wish, but the victim certainly won’t. A performer who tours as ”The Human Hammock.” Sadly, this is the extent of his act, which has been described as “pathetic.”

More “Human Hammock” news

stunt-2-360.jpgStuntmen perform in a park to celebrate the new Chinese lunar year in Xiangfan, China, February 9, 2008. REUTERS/ Stringer

“Sluggo, is that Aunt Fritzi I hear?”

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Quick quiz: this model is….

a) the co-star of an off-Broadway ”Nancy & Sluggo Tribute Show
b) not exactly a shoo-in for PETA’s Humane Achievement Awards this year
c) Just grateful he wasn’t with this same designer’s Milan show last year, covered here as Taking a shine to men’s fashion…, or the one the year before that, posted as Unveiling the veil…

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A model displays a creation as part of Alexander McQueen’s Fall/Winter 2008/09 men’s collections during Milan Fashion Week January 13, 2008. REUTERS/Alessandro Garofalo

And the rockets’ red glare, I smell gas in the air…

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fireworks-2-140.jpgBlog Guy, in the past you’ve given great tips to help dudes like me figure out whether we made good career choices. Is there any single litmus test that works?

Well, I do have a quick quiz I often use. Look down. Are you standing on top of thousands of fireworks? Now, look in your hand. Are you pouring gasoline on those fireworks?

Your whole stomach came out your mouth, huh?

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“Dagnabbit! Looks like the engine’s stalled! We’re stuck here awhile.” Quick quiz: the place you least want to hear that sentence is…

    a commuter train an elevator a roller coaster, just as you’re at the top of a huge loop

Yeah, roller coaster has to be the answer. Some poor folks got stuck like that with their legs in the air for 30 minutes on New Year’s Eve. They were treated at a hospital for “dizziness,” which I think is a euphemism meaning plastic surgeons had to sandblast a look of pure horror off their insanely frozen faces.

Ewwwww! Buddy, get a hanky!

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Quick quiz: the guy in this newsphoto…

a) should have had that growth on his face looked at long ago
b) needs to learn to use a handkerchief in public
c) believes this ugly thing will earn more than $200,000 at an auction

Amazingly, the auction answer is correct. This hideous clump is the biggest truffle unearthed in 50 years, and some chef with way too much money will buy it to use in whatever you use truffles in. As a semantic oddity, you don’t use truffles in making truffles – I went to a Godiva shop and checked.

So you want kebabs for dinner again?

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Quick quiz: The woman in this photo…

    is a professional hustler in high-stakes apple-bobbing tournaments  is part of Apple’s very, very edgy new ad campaign stars in a new rock opera about the William Tell story, “Pardon my Overture” would love to meet you online, if only she could type

fashion-apples-300-this.jpgA model presents a creation by Belarussian designer Elena Iushkevich during the International Festival of Vanguard Art, Mammoth in Minsk November 16, 2007.  REUTERS/Vasily Fedosenko

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How ARE they smuggling in Christmas Trees?

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Quick quiz: the last words this model will ever hear are…

    “Folks, stay away from the panda’s cage, he LOVES stealing ice cream!” “You should’ve had this growth looked at sooner. It may be too late alrea…” “Honey, bring me an hors d’oeuvre from over there under that ceiling fan…”

More stories from the Oddly Enough Blog

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A model presents a creation for Bandi-Panda fashion show by Chinese conceptual artist Zhao Bandi at China Fashion Week in Beijing November 4, 2007. REUTERS/Jason Lee

Do not make eye contact with the models

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Quick quiz: the model in this fashion photograph…

a) isn’t likely to wait long to meet the teachers at Parents’ Night
b) is wondering if she should have chosen a simple black dress and pearls
c) is boldly concealing a massive zit on her forehead
d) is seen in her one-woman play about a Hostess Twinkie riddled with angst

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A model presents a creation by the Russian fashion house “Fresh Art” during a show at the Russian Fashion Week in Moscow, October 20, 2007. REUTERS/Sergei Karpukhin

Hey, these questions are stupid!

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dog-200.jpgHey, Blog Guy – I go to this college, and they said if I took some of your quizzes and passed them,  they could count as my midterm exams. Okay, it isn’t a very good school.  If you could repost some of those tests today, I’ll have all weekend to work on them.  

Actually, many colleges and universities do offer credit to students who pass my quizzes, although my lawyer says I’m not allowed to identify them.  If you pass all of the tests below, it’s probably good for a degree somewhere: