Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

The strain on Cain is changing his campaign?

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In case some of you missed it because of the freak snowstorm, I’m going to mention an unusual political story from Saturday. It involves Herman Cain, one of the front-runners for the Republican Party’s presidential nomination.

According to the Associated Press, Cain said he will “dial back” his campaign and media appearances in order to avoid missteps.

For those of you who don’t speak slang, “dial back” means he’s going to reduce them. There have been a number of recent stories about Cain having to “clarify” his own comments on issues such as immigration, abortion and terrorism suspects.

According to the AP story, Cain blames a grueling campaign schedule for the problem.

Stir that succotash, will ya, Newt?

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Excuse me, I hate to complain and everything, but…

Yes, what is it, Governor Gingrich?

Well, I’m not a governor. I used to be the Speaker of the House of Representatives. I’m running for the Republican nomination, and I was wondering, how come I have to eat in the kitchen, standing up?

Oh, this is Iowa, Governor. Everybody eats in the kitchen.

Hang on just a minute, I can see that Rick Perry guy getting his picture taken with folks, and there’s Michele Bachmann signing autographs and what-not, and here I am standing next to some lady in an apron…

Come back, Sarah, it’s not too late!

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Blog Guy, you look pretty upset. What’s wrong?

Are you kidding me? It’s the race for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination. All the potential fun is evaporating before my eyes!

What do you mean?

I still can’t believe it. Sarah Palin now says she’s not running!

Two days ago, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie opted not to run. Donald Trump flirted with a bid, then dropped out.

She’s the Darjeeling of the Tea Party?

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Blog Guy, I see Sarah Palin, the possible future former potential presidential candidate, spoke at a Tea Party gathering over the weekend. I’m not sure I get the whole Tea Party thing. Wasn’t the 1773 Boston Tea Party a protest against being taxed by people we didn’t elect, and don’t Americans now get to elect their lawmakers?

That’s generally true, although for example, I don’t get to elect them.

Do you recognize this candidate?

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Blog Guy, I come to you for all my news about the 2012 presidential race.

Please explain this sentence from a Reuters story about a debate: “But Bachmann, Cain, Gingrich, former Senator Rick Santorum, Representative Thaddeus McCotter and former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson all participated from sites across the country.”

What’s wrong with it?

Who the hell is Gary Johnson? Is he a candidate?

Ah. Good point. I don’t think so. I just Googled “Gary Johnson” and “corn dog” and didn’t get any matches.

Abe! How’s life at your Gettysburg address?

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Blog Guy, is it just me, or am I seeing lots of photos of Abraham Lincoln in the news these days?

Yes, I’ve noticed it, too. Most recently with presidential candidate Michele Bachmann greeting a Lincoln lookalike at a Republican dinner in Iowa a couple of days ago.

Eat it off the stick, Rick!

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Blog Guy, when Michele Bachmann came out ahead in that Iowa straw poll thing you did a pithy analysis attributing the success to eating a corn dog in public. So where does that leave the newest candidate, Texas Governor Rick Perry, who didn’t compete in the Iowa event? Is he home free?

Hardly. He had to race to Iowa yesterday for some serious catch-up.

Heh, heh, heh. You mean Ketchup?

Stop punning with my punditry. The fact remains, no candidate has ever not won the nomination without not eating an Iowa State Fair corn dog.

Michele Bachmann, the wurst winner ever?

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“I am Ioway born and bred, and on Ioway corn I’m fed…” **

Hey Blog Guy, so Michele Bachmann won that Iowa thing. What do you think swung it her way?

Politicians and their pork…

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Blog Guy, can you settle a bet I have with my bartender’s pedicurist?

More bets between random unlikely professions, huh? What is it this time?

That Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney. Has he ever seen a porkchop?

You know, I don’t think so.  In these photos from the Iowa State Fair he’s eating a grilled porkchop on a stick, and it looks for all the world like he’s about one bite away from chewing the napkin.

How do you get corn to stay on this thing?

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Quick quiz: the politician in this photo is…

a) Just noticing they have strange microphones in Iowa.

b) Wondering why these people attach corn to a stick before they eat it.

c) Wishing he’d brought some toilet paper with him to take to the outhouse.

d) Thinking of beating himself to death to get away from all these farmers.

This was an easy one. I’ll accept any of the above answers because I’m so happy to have another goofy person entering the 2012 presidential race.