Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

I’m calling this ring Mini Pearl!


From Switzerland comes news that a Hong Kong tycoon who bought a flawless blue diamond for a record $9.5 million has now named it the “Star of Josephine.”************I’m not sure why this is important. Naming jewelry is no big deal. For years, my wife has been naming the tokens of affection I’ve given her on romantic occasions.******It started with her engagement ring, an admittedly very modest ruby which she christened the Dinky Pinky.******Soon, the Dinkster was joined by a diamond named Mr. Chips, followed by a pearl she calls, well, Poor Pitiful Pearl.******These adornments now share space in her jewelry box alongside El Shrimpo, Mr. Measly and Li’l Sapphire. Last Christmas, they were joined by Pretty Boy Flawed. So take that, Josephine!***

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************Model displays the diamond during an auction preview in Geneva May 6, 2009. It was found in 2008 and weighs 7.03 carats. The buyer will have the honor of naming the diamond as the first owner of the stone. REUTERS/Denis Balibouse***

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Run! It’s Señor Zorro the Pig!


Hang on just a dad-gum minute there, Blog Guy!

What’s wrong, stranger who talks just like Jed Clampett?

You had a purty good sign of the Apocalypse a couple days back, but I reckon you overlooked a better one. I saw some Reuters photos of…

Yes, yes, I know. I’ve had nightmares. You mean the dressed-up pigs?

Durn tootin’ I do!

Yeah, they dress pigs up like humans at this festival in the Philippines. I saw Zorro, a bride and groom, some boxers, then I passed out.

You had garlic bread for breakfast, didn’t you?


Quick quiz: Well-to-do socialite Paris Hilton and this guy here are…

    Discussing if they can get to the bar in time for Wednesday night $1 margaritas. Singing that Captain and Tenille hit, “Muskrat Love.” Shooting a mouthwash ad that will only be seen in Japan. Flirting shamelessly; She’s saying, “I’ve done hard time, big boy, that changes a girl!” and he’s saying, “You’re a socialite? So you think the government should own everything?”

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Socialite Paris Hilton and her friend Doug Reinhardt kiss as they arrive on the red carpet for the screening of the film “Inglourious Basterds” by director Quentin Tarantino at the 62nd Cannes Film Festival May 20, 2009. REUTERS/Eric Gaillard

“You may now kiss the bride.” “No thanks.”


Blog Guy, I’m planning a June wedding and I’d like it to have a sophisticated feel. Are there any foreign wedding customs we might want to use?

Well, in Romania the brides all go sit out on the curb and smoke a butt together on the big day.

Dressing the swine for the flu?


Lots of guys have written in asking me how they should dress during a flu pandemic, if we have one.

“Bobby,” one of them said, “chicks will need my sweet lovin’ to get ‘em through this, so I have to stay alive and keep lookin’ hot.”

To bee or not to bee?


Blog Guy, I was interested in the item you had with the dude dressed like an angel to pick up hot chicks. I think that’s what I need, some kind of a new gimmick.

Have you thought of covering your body with 50,000 live bees?

Would that work?

Are you kidding? Chicks LOVE bees! You show up at happy hour looking like this guy, you’re golden! Just practice this classic pickup line: “Would you care to go back to my residence and enjoy my bees and my tennis shoes?”

Gumby, my pliant giant!


Blog Guy, I’m the happiest woman in the world! I’m engaged to marry Gumby! But I can’t seem to find an appropriate bridal gown. Can you help?

Sure, check out this lovely creation from a show in Moscow yesterday. It’s perfect. And congratulations! Gumby is quite a catch, even if he WAS working as a rickshaw-puller on a farm in China the last time we found him.

Honey, will you marry… Ewwwww!


So now they’re selling a diamond and gold-leaf “carat cake” as a $2,500 gift for guys to give when they propose marriage. I see disaster ahead.

“Honey, we’ve been dating for two years, and I have something to ask you…

So she’s in a stable relationship?


“Melanie, would you just look at that! Can you BELIEVE the trash they’ve invited to this party? Makes me so damn mad!

“There’s Grace Johnson! She’s messing around with her gardener! My God, she still has the brambles in her hair! The NERVE!

Last tango in Hyderabad…


Blog Guy, I’m a man who LOVES ballroom dancing. I’m taking a trip to India, and I wondered where I might enjoy an elegant evening over there?

There are some places, but judging from pictures I’ve seen they do things very differently. You may not like it.