Oddly Enough Blog » Ronald http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough News, but not the serious kind Thu, 15 Dec 2011 07:12:41 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.2.5 She’s goin’ for your knee again, Ronald http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/2011/12/11/shes-goin-for-your-knee-again-ronald/ http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/2011/12/11/shes-goin-for-your-knee-again-ronald/#comments Sun, 11 Dec 2011 14:51:19 +0000 http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/?p=72231

Blog Guy, with your blog going away soon, we need some closure regarding Ronald Basler.

You mean that total stranger whose spam keeps landing in my rbasler e-mail account?

Yeah. Remember, the last time we looked at the spam Ronald seemed to be shopping for a Russian bride, but then it looked like he was being unfaithful to her, getting photos of single women. So what’s he up to now?

I’m still getting mixed signals from his spam. He may be worried about the future, going the tarot card route. He appears to be in a holiday mood, what with a letter from Santa AND personalized Christmas ornaments.

And his career?

He seems to be considering being an event planner, a school counselor or maybe even a marriage counselor, though I’m not sure I’d want marital advice from somebody with his personal track record.

What do you think he looks like, anyway?

Judging from his spam, I don’t think he’s any Brad Pitt. He’s still trying to do something about his severe acne problem, and looking for free laser hair removal.

Ewww! I notice Ronald also seems to have chronic knee pain, Blog Guy. What do you suppose that’s about?

The guy is being unfaithful to a volatile Russian bride who wears stiletto heels. You do the math.

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Top: Screen grab from my actual e-mail inbox

Left: Antonio Vazquez Alba alias “El Brujo Mayor” holds Tarot cards while making a prediction in Mexico City April 27, 2011. REUTERS/Jorge Dan

Bottom left: A woman puts on a high-heeled shoe during a high-heel race in St.Petersburg, Russia, July 21, 2007. REUTERS/Alexander DemianchukLopez

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You’re Putin that drill in my mouth? http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/2011/11/16/youre-putin-that-drill-in-my-mouth/ http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/2011/11/16/youre-putin-that-drill-in-my-mouth/#comments Wed, 16 Nov 2011 10:37:19 +0000 http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/?p=71203  

Blog Guy, you haven’t updated us on Ronald Basler recently. You remember, you keep getting his spam at your e-mail address?

Things seemed to be looking better for him the last time, what with getting a Russian bride and taking a Napa getaway and everything.

Yeah, it’s hard to say which way Ron’s life is going these days. Too many mixed signals from his spam.

On the one hand, it looks like somebody will pay him to take surveys, he may get his book published and he could be driving a flashy new BMW.

But he also needs to get his windows replaced, and he’s been asked to join a “Prozac lawsuit.” That can’t be good.

The worst thing is, it seems he wants photos of single women, so I feel very sorry for his Russian bride.

I take your point, but it also appears he’s found dental insurance, so he can do something about his teeth.

Not so fast. I’ve checked out that policy and while it is indeed affordable, you have to get the dental work done by Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin.

Ah, so you’re saying if Putin finds out how Ronald is treating his Russian bride while he’s holding painful dental tools…

Exactly. Ronald may need to learn Russian really fast. Good thing there’s some spam about that, too…

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Top: Actual spam

Left: Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin (L) holds a dental drill as he jokes with Governor of Belgorod region Yevgeny Savchenko at a dental room of a local hospital in the village of Golovchino in Belgorod region November 15, 2011. REUTERS/Alexei Nikolsky/RIA Novosti/Pool

Right: A model stands in front of BMWs during the Luxury Auto Show in Budapest, October 18, 2007. REUTERS/Karoly Arvai

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Suddenly, it’s GREAT to be Ronald! http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/2011/10/19/suddenly-its-great-to-be-ronald/ http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/2011/10/19/suddenly-its-great-to-be-ronald/#comments Wed, 19 Oct 2011 09:31:22 +0000 http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/?p=69538

Blog Guy, awhile back you showed us lots of spam you were getting by mistake. It was meant for a guy named RONALD Basler. He seemed to be having a pretty rough time, what with debt, depression, a leaky roof… Have you checked on him lately?

It’s kind of you to ask. I’m still getting tons of this guy’s spam, but his fortunes seem to have improved.

What makes you say that?

Check out his latest spam, above. It looks like Ron’s got a sweet gig in the lucrative postcard-sending field.

Plus, folks are offering him good deals on cars and insurance, and he might be planning a getaway to Napa.

He seems to be treating himself to nice restaurant meals, even the Outback Steakhouse.

Best of all, love is in the air, and Ronald may be getting a Russian bride. Perhaps he’ll pop the question to her at the Outback, while they…

Hang on just a damned minute, Blog Guy! I can’t help noticing that Ronald is also getting spam from your own Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop!

Well sure, we might as well get some of his money before he squanders it all on his Russian bride at that steakhouse.

But…but…but…Why would you send spam to Ronald when you KNOW it’s just going to come to you?

Hey, I like museum deals as much as the next guy, and Natasha says I don’t take her out enough…

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Top: Screen grab of my spam basket

Right: An Outback restaurant is seen in Riverside, California February 5, 2009. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni

Left: Fishermen drink and watch a newly married couple kiss on a bank of the Yenisei River in Divnogorsk, a town south of the Siberian city of Krasnoyarsk, August 13, 2010. REUTERS/Ilya Naymushin

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I’ve got all your spam, Ronald! http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/2011/09/26/ive-got-all-your-spam-ronald/ http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/2011/09/26/ive-got-all-your-spam-ronald/#comments Mon, 26 Sep 2011 11:05:22 +0000 http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/?p=68753

Believe it or not, I’ve found something even more irritating than getting spam.

Getting SOMEBODY ELSE’S spam.

Just when I thought unwanted e-mails couldn’t get any stupider, along come some spammers mistaking me for a guy named RONALD Basler. The actual screen grab above shows just a small sampling of the offers Ronald is getting at my e-mail address.

Judging from Ronald’s spam, which I presume is carefully targeted to his personal needs, he may be going through some hard times.

Ronald gets frequent offers of depression treatments, along with information about how the stimulus package can help him cllimb out of debt. Gosh, it even looks like his roof leaks and his oil needs changing.

I gather Ronald is looking for a new job, and there are opportunities for him as a nurse, an ultrasound technician, a school counselor and a pharmacy assistant.

Anyhow, it wasn’t until I saw the offer to buy a $250,000 insurance policy for Ronald for only $10 a month that I figured out how this e-mail mix-up might work to my advantage. It may not be totally legal, so don’t share it with anyone else.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Acme Insurance Company, please accept my $10 and insure Ronald Basler for a quarter of a million dollars. You may list myself, Bob, his close relative, as the beneficiary.

Oh, I should probably warn you, I expect Ronald to be spending a lot of time way up there fixing his leaky roof. He has been very depressed lately, he’s in debt, and he may be tempted to jump, so you might want to set aside my $250,000 pretty fast.

By the way, don’t worry about Ronald’s burial. It’s covered.

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Left: Cans of Spam at a market in Naha on the southern Japanese island of Okinawa, March 5, 2008. 5, 2008. REUTERS/Issei Kato

Right: A person dressed as “Spammy”, the Hormel Foods Corp Spam character, greets guests before a news conference in Tokyo, December 11, 2008. REUTERS/Michael Caronna

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