What’s wrong, Blog Guy? I don’t understand!

Huh? You don’t understand what?

I’ve been seeing pictures of former governor Sarah Palin yesterday serving hot dogs as she left the governor’s job.  Isn’t that a natural for you? Why aren’t you all over it?

Oh, that. It’s just too obvious. Too easy. What would I even say?

Come on, straighten up, Mister! You’d say like, Sarah Palin’s wurst job? Or look at the buns on that governor? Or losers and wieners? Or I know, Sarah the Redhot Mama?

Those are awful. I wouldn’t stoop that low, to be frank.

Frank? I get it! I knew I’d see a smile on that face. Now slap a goofy headline on this sucker, and you’re done for the day. It’s like putting lipstick on a pig!

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Alaska Governor Sarah Palin serves hot dogs to well-wishers at the annual Governor’s Picnic in Fairbanks, Alaska, July 26, 2009. Former Republican U.S. Vice-presidential candidate Palin stepped down as Alaska governor on Sunday. REUTERS/ Nathaniel Wilder

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I understand this is a tad anticlimactic, since we’ve already announced this blog’s most popular posts for all of 2008.

But for you folks who wager on the best of the month, and you know who you are, these were the five most popular posts for December.

Naturally I was disappointed that my post on tipping your favorite bloggers wasn’t in the top five, but the readers have spoken.

Happy New Year to all, and please remember: friends don’t let friends not read this blog!

5. Trust me, you don’t wanna see this…

4. A large coffee and 60 drums of Napalm, please!

3. Your call is important to us…

2. Palin’s a MAVRIK! What’s that?

1. Revenge of the jacuzzi floozy!

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Paris Hilton: REUTERS/Fred Prouser

Sarah Palin: REUTERS/Hans Deryk

Britney Spears: REUTERS/Fred Prouser

Jacuzzi model: REUTERS/Mihai Barb

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Cripes. Here’s one of those end-of-the year stories where experts talk about the language in 2008. A dictionary publisher has listed the words that received the highest intensity of lookups over the shortest period.

I’m all for improving vocabulary, but first on the list was BAILOUT, and third was SOCIALISM. If people really needed to look those up, they should also look up PATHETIC in connection with our schools.

Also among the words were BIPARTISAN - really - and MAVERICK, which maybe the candidates wouldn’t have used so often had they known how confusing it was. Heck, I can remember when Maverick was a television show that everybody watched.

While I’m ranting about words here, I’d like to mention an unfortunate byproduct of our financial woes.

If I read or see one more journalist or pundit using variations of “From Wall Street to Main Street,” I may regurgitate over the PRECIPICE, another word lots of folks had to look up in 2008.

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Above: Maverick publicity photo.

Below: Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin and Republican presidential nominee Senator John McCain, October 28, 2008. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

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I’ve received a number of e-mails this weekend from undecided voters, asking for last-minute advice. I’m afraid I can’t help those people. If you’re undecided 48 hours before voting, I’m guessing you can’t even choose a breakfast cereal for yourself.

However, it has been a long campaign and it’s worth revisiting some of the themes we’ve featured in this blog.

Photo-wise, we’ve covered all the major shots: Shoes, stair climbing, sunglass reflections, hugs and ice cream.

As far as issues, we’ve addressed all the big ones: UFOs, literary scenes, fuel efficiency and country music.

So here is some recommended reading, just to get you in the mood:

Oh sure, Mom, you saw WHO?

Politics 2008! The MONSTER movie!

Refrain in Spain: Vote mainly for McCain!

Hi! I’m running for the Pepsi Challenge!

Please look at me, Senator!

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Republican presidential nominee John McCain reacts to almost heading the wrong way off the stage, October 15, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Bourg

A woman (front) kneels to get her picture taken beside the table of Democratic candidates Barack Obama and Joe Biden, August 30, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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Okay gang, listen up! Ernie came up with a GREAT idea I want to share with you!

As you know, we ordered WAY too many McCain Palin bumper stickers, considering most people can’t afford to drive their cars anymore.

But instead of just going to waste, Ernie sent them over to the rally, to have people stick ‘em on their heads! Kind of like hats, only cheaper! Ernie says it’s a solid sea of supporters with bumper stickers on their foreheads over there!

Is that GREAT, or… Huh? The sticky stuff is industrial strength glue? Permanent? Loss of hair and skin? Emergency rooms?

Um, Ernie, you might wanna warn the candidate not to spend too much time workin’ the crowd over there…

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A supporter cheers at a campaign rally with Republican presidential nominee John McCain in Miami, October 29, 2008. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

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Hey, Blog Guy! I’m in Las Vegas this week, and you won’t even believe who I saw at a strip club! It involves a certain…

Let me stop you right there. You saw a Sarah Palin look-alike stripper contest, right? Now see, if the real candidate had been there, our reporters would have written it up.

Oh. Yeah, the one I saw did seem to change outfits very quickly. So those tough guys guarding the stage weren’t Secret Service?

No, bouncers. That explains the leisure suits and pork-pie hats.

Still, if it HAD been the real candidate, it would have been the weirdest-ever thing involving the vice presidency, right?

Not even close. Back in 1804, Vice President Aaron Burr killed a dude in a duel. And I didn’t even mention the Dick Cheney hunting thing.

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Contestants take the stage during a Sarah Palin look-alike stripper contest in Las Vegas, Nevada October 23, 2008. Contestants competed for $10,000 in prize money and a trip to Washington D.C. for the presidential inauguration. REUTERS/Tiffany Brown

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Blog Guy, I saw a picture of presidential candidate John McCain using “air quotes” yesterday. What was that about?

It could have been a couple of things. I think when he talks about his time as a prisoner of war he puts air quotes around “Hanoi Hilton,” because he wants people to know it wasn’t a REAL Hilton, which in many cases would be nicer than a prison cell.

Ah. Or what else could it be?

He also may have been talking about his running mate, “Governor” Sarah Palin. Traditionally, the chief executives of certain “states,” like Alaska, are referred to as “governor,” not governor.  Similarly, you will recall that Bill Clinton was once the “governor” of “Arkansas.”

Exactly what determines the difference?

I’ll let you figure that out.

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Republican presidential nominee John McCain speaks to supporters during a rally in Downingtown, Pennsylvania October 16, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

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A McCain supporter from Pennsylvania writes to say she attended a rally there yesterday and was impressed with Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin.

“I just wondered if you have any news photographs of Palin’s legs and shoes at that event, which I can save for my grandchildren?” she asks.

We sure do! Take your pick. From yesterday’s rally we’ve got half-calves blurred, full calves and shoes in focus, front shins blurred, etc….

In the event you want news photographs of the candidate’s actual face, well, as Palin likes to say, “I’ll try to find ya some and I’ll bring ‘em to ya.“

For more Sarah Palin shoe shots, click here and here and here.

Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin attends a rally in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, October 8, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

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It’s not a real presidential campaign until people start claiming to be dead-ringer lookalikes for the candidates.

One of these two guys will spend the next few years appearing at birthday parties, used car lots, and so on. Indeed, an obscure chick named Tina somebody is already cashing in by playing Sarah Palin.

Mort, a handyman in Boise, is turning heads with his John McCain mannerisms. As the woman in this photo said, “I can’t believe how much Mort looks like McCain in that Navy hat! Hey, Mort, can you fix our front stoop tomorrow?”

Meanwhile, Ernie, who carries groceries at a Kroger supermarket in South Bend, is honing his Barack Obama routine and refers to the tips he lives on as “Change I can believe in.”

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above: Republican nominee John McCain greets people gathered outside a hotel in Sedona, Arizona, October 5, 2008. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

below: Democratic nominee Barack Obama walks out of a barbecue restaurant with an order of takeout food in Asheville, North Carolina, October 6, 2008.  REUTERS/ Jason Reed

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Blog Guy, a few days ago you did an item about how photographers cover the shoes of women candidates. I think you were just putting us on, and I’ll prove it. What kind of shoes did Sarah Palin wear at last night’s debate in St. Louis?

The highly technical term for those in the fashion industry would be reddish-brown shoes with high heels, made from some kind of reptile or something.

Hmm. Then show me a photo.

Be more specific. You want the left shoe or right shoe? Full calf, or just ankle?

Cripes! You’re right! Just out of curiosity, what kind of shoes did Joe Biden wear?

Are you serious? He’s just a guy. For all I know, he wore flip-flops.

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Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin shoe shots, October 2, 2008, by REUTERS/Carlos Barria and REUTERS/Don Emmert/Pool

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