Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Nine ways to lose weight and live forever

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People say to me all the time, “Bob, your blog is SO stupid, how do you get people to read it?”

These folks don’t understand how online journalism works. You can write anything you want, and if you put a good headline on it people will read it. Especially if you hint at immortality, easy weight loss or better sex.

If your headline offers a numbered list, that’s even better. The best thing of all is a moderately clever play on words, which will attract people who think they are smart, and improve your demographics.

Toss in a photo of a nice dog or the Duchess of Cambridge, and it’s a hit.

You feelin’ fertile, Myrtle?

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Blog Guy, I’m hoping you can help answer a question for me. Where do babies come from?

Er, uh, you should probably ask your parents about that.

They told me to ask you, then they went off to work in their haberdashery.

Oh. Well, when a a man and a woman love each other very much, they pick up the phone and order a delivery from the Sperm Bike, which pedals over with a gallon of baby-starter.

O brothel, where art thou?

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This is kind of a delicate subject, but we’re all adults here, so we’re cool.

The caption on these photos says these are prostitutes protesting against a police crackdown on brothels.

This just in, Arnold has a driveway!

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Blog Guy, I was stunned by the news that actor and former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child with a member of his household staff.

We were all shocked, believe me. We expect more than that from people in entertainment and politics, don’t we?

Honey, we need to talc…

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powder dating 490

Okay, the folks in these pictures are coverd in talcum powder from a traditional Powder Day festival in their Spanish village.

SPAIN/The caption tells us that festival participants “hurl talcum powder at each other until they are completely covered with it,” and that in the past, “young men used this game to seduce girls.”

The key to a great Valentine?

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locks shoes 490

Blog Guy, I really need your help with a relationship problem. I’m pretty sure my girlfriend is stepping out on me.

fashion locks vertical 220Stepping out?

Yeah. You know what I mean…

Oh. Jeez, can’t you try one of our other blogs written by smarter people? Like Faithworld or Felix Salmon?

French kissing? Call ze Love Police!

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FRANCE-PENSIONS/

Blog Guy, I need some travel advice. My wife and I want to go someplace really romantic, where folks are free to be very much in love. Any suggestions?

Of course. I’m an incurable romantic, too. I’d say Paris. City of lights, city of love…

You gals ready for somethin’ real goofy?

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chippendales billboard 490 this

Blog Guy, I see you’re suddenly laughing. What have  you got to be happy about? Come on, no fair holding back! Let us in on it, too.

NEWYORK-CATSHOWOkay, I guess there’s plenty to go around. A few days ago, Chippendales – you know, those male exotic dancers – lost a trademark case on their bow tie and shirt cuff outfits.

World’s ugliest shoes? Quite a feet!

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red shoes 490

Lamar, I put you in charge of creating our label’s signature new shoe for spring. Our competition is the Holy Grail of of shoes, the stiletto in the top photo. The stuff dreams are made of. Sleek, sensual, five straps, platform soles, 14-inch heels. Lusty Cherry Red!

Let’s see what you’ve come up with to blow that bad boy out of the water!

Male models? Models of WHAT?

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male combo 490

Blog Guy, my friends and I are guys who sincerely want the same thing most young men want.

Girls?

NEWYORK-FASHON/Exactly. But we have a problem. We’re not exactly George Clooney in the looks department, if you take my meaning.