Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, overcome with emotion, pockets a coveted Anachronism Award given to him at a Playboy Mansion party honoring Playboy’s new Playmate of the Year.

Yes, they really still have one of those, and we moved TWENTY photos of the event, including some showing the winner leaning against her prize, a shiny new red Cadillac. Yes, they still have those, too.

Hef is seen here at the party with his great grand-daughter…oops, no, the caption says it’s his girlfriend! Anyway, after the party everybody went home to read some Playboy articles. Yes, they still have those.

Philippines Playboy, sent in a Manila wrapper?

Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy magazine and girlfriend, Holly Madison, attend a party honoring the 2008 Playboy Playmate of the Year, at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles, May 8, 2008. REUTERS/Fred Prouser

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Blog Guy, I’m very interested in how news is covered. Let’s say you hear about something new. How do you cover it?

Well, let’s take news from Victoria’s Secret. It turns out they’re going to be selling their swimsuits in stores, instead of just online and in catalogs. This is big news, because with summer coming, women are facing a shortage of places to buy beach wear. Some cities are down to their last four or five thousand shops!

I hear you. That IS a big story, especially with online and catalog shopping being so tough. So then, you would send a reporter to learn more about this and write a story, huh?

Are you stupid? No! We’d send a photographer to shoot the swimsuit models! Heck, another major news organization sent TWO photographers on this story!

Other posts about Victoria’s Secret

Victoria’s Secret model Marisa Miller (2nd R) poses with models during a store appearance at the Victoria’s Secret store in New York April 2, 2008. Victoria’s Secret announced they will be selling their swimwear collection in stores nationwide. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid

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Here in America, we have a saying, “pulling a fast one.” Let me try to give an example.

Okay. Say some French dudes gather 100 people together to set a record for a human chain of French kissing, and then start going at it.

A record? A hundred lousy people? Have they never been to a semi-rowdy junior high party?

“The French kiss has to be the new symbol of happiness and freedom,” explains one of the guys on our video report. Well, maybe English just isn’t his native tongue, pardon the pun, but I believe that just translates to “We don’t have enough money to go on a date, but we’ve heard people will do anything if they believe it’s for a world record.”

Related post: Honey, let’s just skip right to second base

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With all the change in the world, it’s nice to hear that some traditions endure.

Now, you take Playboy magazine. It’s about to launch a Philippines edition, and who are they aiming at? “Mature men who like well-written articles…” That sounds about right. That cliche was around when I was a kid. We all wanted Playboy for the “articles,” whatever those were.

And there’s more. The editor of the new edition says he doesn’t want to be ashamed to show the magazine to his mom.

Yeah, how many times did I push open the old screen door and say, “Mom! I just got the new Playboy! Here, flip through this and see if you wanna read anything!” Of course she always did, and that evening we’d all have Jell-O by the fire, while Mama read Hef’s “Playboy Philosophy” out loud. Ah, good times.

Related posts: sex

Olympic swimmer Amanda Beard signs autographs on a July issue of Playboy in 2007 file photo. REUTERS/ Lucas Jackson

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Blog Guy, I’m looking for someplace decadent to go for spring break. I hear it gets very wild in Hungary. Is that true? Where is Hungary?

You mean the “sprinkling” ritual. Young men throw buckets of water on young women, but it’s not like you think. They also throw cologne and recite funny poems.

I don’t know any funny Hungarian poems. Do you?

Just that one limerick, “An actress named Zsa Zsa Gabor…” No, I can’t use that.

But the water thing is about getting “wet and wild,” am I right?

No, it’s about making the women fertile.

Fertile? Uh-oh, that’s not good. I’ll go to Acapulco, instead.

Related post: What happens in a fishing boat stays in a fishing boat?

Men in traditional outfits throw water on women in Mezokovesd, Hungary, March 20, 2008. Locals celebrate Easter with “watering of the girls”, a fertility ritual rooted in Hungary’s tribal pre-Christian past. REUTERS/ Laszlo Balogh

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Quick quiz: These lavatories, with mannequins in sexy outfits, are…

a) in the Playboy Mansion
b) at the Emperor’s Club escort service
c) in the lobby of the Victoria’s Secret home office
d) at a regular shopping mall in Portugal

The answer is d. I missed it, too. Of course, the real question about these things is, what do you do when your five-year-old child needs to go? “Joey, Daddy doesn’t know why those silly ladies are dressed like that. Listen, can you just hold it in, and we’ll be home in a few hours?”

Public lavatories decorated with mannequins at Sao Joao da Madeira shopping centre in northern Portugal in a March 13, 2008 picture. REUTERS/Jose Manuel Ribeiro

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Welcome to today’s episode of “Fun With Statistics.” A widely-reported story tells us that two out of three Australian travelers are members of the Mile High Club, or would like to be members.

Pretty amazing, huh? Oh, wait. Doesn’t that cross the line between reality and fantasy, by lumping people who would like to have sex in a plane, together with those who actually have had it? If that’s how we’re going to play, prepare to be dazzled by my blog’s exclusive survey results:

• 72 percent of women have been the Queen of England, or would like to be.
• 62 percent of us have run a really bad driver off the road, or else said at some point, “Why, I ought to run that jerk off the road!”
• 84 percent of all Americans have walked on the moon, or enjoyed a Dilly Bar.

Hey, this is fun! And that Zogby polling guy makes it sound so darned complicated…

Journalist inspects double bed first class suite during media tour of the Airbus A380 superjumbo, in 2007 file photo. REUTERS/ Vivek Prakash

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This dude wrote a book about picking up women. He says he was named “world’s greatest pickup artist” for three years. I never won that title, and didn’t even know there was a contest. But the thing is, this expert’s advice just sounds funny.

Take rule number one: When you walk into a room look like you are having fun and don’t look around for attractive women. Now, if you see a guy walk in by himself looking like he’s “having fun,” you’re probably going to wonder what he’s on, and why he isn’t looking for attractive women like the other guys are, right?

Rule number two: Have a simple question to ask people, like who sings a certain song, so you can move around the room easily. This cracks me up. When women learn this guy is asking who sang Funkytown, over and over, they’re gonna think he has attention deficit disorder, which may not make him a chick-magnet.

The expert says even if a guy is really obese, he should just spray on a tan and put on jewelry, and he’ll get women. Right. They’ll be, like, “Who’s that rotund guy with jaundice, and why is his man-jewelry so oily-looking?” Here’s our story, by Belinda Goldsmith:

photo REUTERS/handout

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Readers, who do you think get more sex?  Chiseled, muscular guys, or wimps? Go ahead, take your time and think about it carefully. Wow, you got it right on the first guess?  Me, too. 

Researchers at UCLA actually did a study on this, and came to the mind-boggling conclusion that women are “predisposed to prefer muscularity in men. I hope they didn’t spend more than $10 on the study, because that would have bought them a seat at Oceans Thirteen and answered all their questions.

But what I found most fascinating is that a noticeable number of stories about the study used the same phrase, which probably means it was in the press release. They referred to the muscular men’s “less-chiseled peers,” which has to be the euphemism of the month. As a spokesman for LCPs, thank you, UCLA! Here’s the story:

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Roman Sebrle of the Czech Republic flexes his muscles for photographers after wining the decathlon at the European athletics championships in Gothenburg (Goteborg) August 11, 2006.      REUTERS/Phil Noble

The writer George Orwell would have enjoyed this one. He understood the awesome power of words. It turns out Britain is thinking of removing the term “prostitute” from criminal statutes because - I’m not making this up - it carries too much stigma.

Aiming to find new words for the world’s oldest profession, a new bill refers simply to persons who sell sex persistently, which is defined as twice or more in three months. “It’s been around since 1824, so it was a bit outdated. It just wasn’t really helpful to label people,” a Justice Ministry spokeswoman said.

This worries me. If we’re going to knock out words for being old, there go Shakespeare, the King James Version of the Bible, and, well, a few other noted works. Readers, please use Post a Comment to propose other trendy new names for old crimes.

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A prostitute wears a creation of the Daspu Spring/Summer 2007-2008 collection show in Rio de Janeiro May 22, 2007. Daspu is a fashion house founded and run by prostitutes whose designs have become the talk of Brazil’s fashion industry. REUTERS/Bruno Domingos