Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Grazie! I’ll be here all week!

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Blog Guy, what can you tell me about that Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi guy, who seems to be involved in lots of controversy these days? Have you seen him speak in person?

He doesn’t give speeches. He does comedy shtick. He patterns his stage act after hip ’60s comics like Shelley Berman and Bob Newhart, with imagined telephone chats.

Awesome! Is he funny? “

He’s hilarious! Well, uh, actually I don’t speak Italian, but I guess he’s probably okay.

Ah. And what’s this stuff about Berlusconi’s scandals involving young women? Any truth to that?

That picture is too EXTREME!

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People say to me, “Bob, where do you GET those danged bizarre photos you use?”

I comb our daily photo file, but the weirdest ones are served up to me on a silver platter, in an “Extreme Monthly” selection of shots hand-picked by some really twisted minds on our photo desk. Here are some caption snippets from their latest batch:

Scarlet hussies save men’s souls?

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Blog Guy, you know where you can find really loose chicks?

Uh, no.

New York City. Yeah, it surprised me, too, but lots of those women in stiletto heels smoking outside office buildings aren’t as prim and proper as you might suspect.

That sure surprises me, but why are you bringing this up?

Because amid this wanton cesspool of harlots and floozies and doxies, I met two angels yesterday.

Floyd, my olive floated out of reach!

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Blog Guy, I have a question about the space program. How do those astronauts unwind after a tough day of space walking and stuff?

Are you stupid? You’ve never seen Battlestar Gallactica? They have a Space Bar up on the space station now.

So, you like shoulder skulls, Liz?

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Hi, are you Liz? It’s me - Lamar – your Internet date!

So, at last we meet!. That’s quite an outfit, Liz. I guess you must have just come from some theatrical thing or something? Oh. You just came from the dentist, huh? Well…

I hope you like it here at Denny’s. Their country fried steak is… Excuse me, Liz, um, that little skull on your shoulder just said something to me.

Maybe she’s about to sneeze?

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Blog Guy, what is that actress Pamela Anderson up to these days?

It’s a sad story. Judging from new photos of her, she’s lost all control of her face muscles. Still, the Serbs were nice enough to put her on the cover of their Playboy magazine.

Well, sure. Who looks at faces in Playboy, if you take my meaning? What does the magazine translate to in Serbian, anyway?

Okay honey, bring your big Schwinn in here!

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This brothel in Berlin has come up with a new marketing ploy in these tough economic times. It is offering a discount to patrons who arrive on bicycles.

I’m sorry, but this is funny. My first thought is, what a terribly risky thing to do, with the Tour de France currently going on.

When a mommy and daddy love each other very much…

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Blog Guy, my mom told me to ask you about the birds and the bees.

She WHAT?

She said you know a lot of stuff and you could explain it to me.

That’s quite a responsibility.  I checked yesterday’s photo file, which is where I get most of my information, and I think I can help you.

It turns out, bees land on sunflowers in California to gather pollen, and birds sit in nests in Belarus. Does that do it for you?

Okay, let’s see which of you tramps lights up!

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They’ve just unveiled a prototype dress designed to light up when the wearer’s mobile telephone rings. As high-tech gadgets go, I just don’t see this one catching on.

Where to begin? Do you want folks to know how pathetically unpopular you are when you hang out with the gang and your dress doesn’t light up once?

The Wide World of Lingerie?

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I’m doing a survey on media photo coverage of sports. May I ask a few questions?

Sure, if I can go ahead and watch my “Hogan’s Heroes” reruns while we talk.