Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Dressing the swine for the flu?

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Lots of guys have written in asking me how they should dress during a flu pandemic, if we have one.

“Bobby,” one of them said, “chicks will need my sweet lovin’ to get ‘em through this, so I have to stay alive and keep lookin’ hot.”

Now, I’m pretty sure it isn’t even possible to kill guys that obnoxious, but I guess it’s smart of them to plan ahead.

To be honest, these masks may be a boon for you dudes with disgusting herpes or train-stopping bad breath. This could be your lucky day.

Got a date with an angel, gotta meet her at seven…

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Okay Lonnie, this is a disaster and I have only my stupid self to blame!

I planned for DAYS to hit this hot singles spot for some action, and I invited you to meet me here to help me pick up gorgeous chicks. You know, introduce me, say good stuff about me and so on.

See, when I asked you to be my WINGMAN, that’s what I meant! I didn’t want you to show up bare-chested, with fricking WINGS on your back like an escapee from a cheesy Nativity scene at some male models’ Christmas party!

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

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Blog Guy, I heard the Italians are pioneering new treatment for coma patients. Do you know about this?

Yes, I think you’re talking about the one where beautiful Italian women wearing next to nothing move sensuously around patients in a last-ditch attempt to awaken them.

Fashion models just hanging out?

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Earlier this week I did an item about a hot new fashion trend, dresses that leave one you-know-what exposed, so a woman has to cover it with her hand. I pointed out many flaws in this design, like if you’re left-handed it’s hard to take notes in algebra class and stuff like that.

But some readers were like, “Bob, that’s just one dress, it’s not a trend, so shut up.”

Lady, can I hold that for ya?

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This is THE hot new look in women’s fashion, but I see flaws.

I sent my Oddly Enough Consumer Team out to test this dress, and here are some of their comments:

    It’s uncomfortable when you put ice cubes in a drink and then put your hand back Hailing a taxi is tricky, but usually successful Tough for left-handed chicks to dial their cellphone It’s so awkward when Grandpa asks you to help move his sofa On a date, much confusion over whether a guy made it to first or second base


I’ll have more of those chewy round things!

Blog Guy, I was recently in Bolivia, at a little restaurant on the outskirts of La Paz, and I had a WONDERFUL soup called “caldo de cardan.” ! really felt great afterwards and it even cured my hangover!

Say no more. Brown stuff in white gravy?

That’s it! What’s that yum-yum stuff in it?

Boiled bull’s penis and testicles. You find it in restaurants located near slaughterhouses. Use Yahoo Yellow Pages to find the nearest shop where you can buy the ingredients.

Look for a thief with great lungs

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We may already have the weirdest ODD story of the year, and it’s only January 7

It turns out some guy has been breaking into adult shops, stealing blow-up dolls named “Jungle Jane,” and having sex with them. He’s done it three times so far.

Most important meal of the day?

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New research has found that teens who skip breakfast as middle school students tend to have sex at an earlier age than those who start the day with a proper meal.

You may want to read that sentence again. I don’t blame you.

Exactly how some scientist even THOUGHT to look into this is way beyond me, and I’m not sure what to make of it.

The hassle of sex? Not again!

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Name something that 37 percent of Japanese couples don’t do, calling it a “hassle” and saying they “just can’t be bothered.”

1. Recycle their sake bottles

2. Wave to sumo wrestlers

3. Actually cook their fish

4. Have sex

Yeah, if  you guessed having sex, you’re right, according to a study which found that a huge number of married couples over there have just stopped doing it.

You love me in red, Fred?

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“Honey, should I wear my red dress tonight, or my…”

“Yes…”

There you have it. An actual conversation that proves men like red stuff on women. And yet, Reuters reports on a new study that spent $40 million to see if red was more of a turn-on for men than, say, dark brown.

That figure is just a rough guess, you understand, since I have no idea what it really cost.