Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

News is skimpy on the bikini beat

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victoria-2-160.jpgBlog Guy, I’m very interested in how news is covered. Let’s say you hear about something new. How do you cover it?

Well, let’s take news from Victoria’s Secret. It turns out they’re going to be selling their swimsuits in stores, instead of just online and in catalogs. This is big news, because with summer coming, women are facing a shortage of places to buy beach wear. Some cities are down to their last four or five thousand shops!

I hear you. That IS a big story, especially with online and catalog shopping being so tough. So then, you would send a reporter to learn more about this and write a story, huh?

Are you stupid? No! We’d send a photographer to shoot the swimsuit models! Heck, another major news organization sent TWO photographers on this story!

Must be a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation class!

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kiss.jpgHere in America, we have a saying, “pulling a fast one.” Let me try to give an example.

Okay. Say some French dudes gather 100 people together to set a record for a human chain of French kissing, and then start going at it.

Philippines Playboy, sent in a Manila wrapper?

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playboy-hef-120.jpgWith all the change in the world, it’s nice to hear that some traditions endure.

Now, you take Playboy magazine. It’s about to launch a Philippines edition, and who are they aiming at? “Mature men who like well-written articles…” That sounds about right. That cliche was around when I was a kid. We all wanted Playboy for the “articles,” whatever those were.

The oldest wet T-shirt contest?

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water-2-180.jpgBlog Guy, I’m looking for someplace decadent to go for spring break. I hear it gets very wild in Hungary. Is that true? Where is Hungary?

You mean the “sprinkling” ritual. Young men throw buckets of water on young women, but it’s not like you think. They also throw cologne and recite funny poems.

Hold it, Joey, we’ll be home in two hours

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toilets-ladies-160.jpgQuick quiz: These lavatories, with mannequins in sexy outfits, are…

a) in the Playboy Mansion
b) at the Emperor’s Club escort service
c) in the lobby of the home office
d) at a regular shopping mall in Portugal

The answer is d. I missed it, too. Of course, the real question about these things is, what do you do when your five-year-old child needs to go? “Joey, Daddy doesn’t know why those silly ladies are dressed like that. Listen, can you just hold it in, and we’ll be home in a few hours?”

Now, get credit for your fantasy life!

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Welcome to today’s episode of “Fun With Statistics.” A widely-reported story tells us that two out of three Australian travelers are members of the Mile High Club, or would like to be members.

Pretty amazing, huh? Oh, wait. Doesn’t that cross the line between reality and fantasy, by lumping people who would like to have sex in a plane, together with those who actually have had it? If that’s how we’re going to play, prepare to be dazzled by my blog’s exclusive survey results:

Who sang Funkytown? Who sang Funkytown? Who…

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pickup-200.jpgThis dude wrote a book about picking up women. He says he was named “world’s greatest pickup artist” for three years. I never won that title, and didn’t even know there was a contest. But the thing is, this expert’s advice just sounds funny.

Take rule number one: When you walk into a room look like you are having fun and don’t look around for attractive women. Now, if you see a guy walk in by himself looking like he’s “having fun,” you’re probably going to wonder what he’s on, and why he isn’t looking for attractive women like the other guys are, right?

“Nice biceps, hunk! Want some sex?”

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Readers, who do you think get more sex?  Chiseled, muscular guys, or wimps? Go ahead, take your time and think about it carefully. Wow, you got it right on the first guess?  Me, too. 

Researchers at UCLA actually did a study on this, and came to the mind-boggling conclusion that women are “predisposed to prefer muscularity in men. I hope they didn’t spend more than $10 on the study, because that would have bought them a seat at Oceans Thirteen and answered all their questions.

Baby, wanna party with a persistent seller?

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The writer George Orwell would have enjoyed this one. He understood the awesome power of words. It turns out Britain is thinking of removing the term “prostitute” from criminal statutes because – I’m not making this up – it carries too much stigma.

Aiming to find new words for the world’s oldest profession, a new bill refers simply to persons who sell sex persistently, which is defined as twice or more in three months. “It’s been around since 1824, so it was a bit outdated. It just wasn’t really helpful to label people,” a Justice Ministry spokeswoman said.

See honey, it’s not a big deal!

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The Odd Blog Quote of the Month has been chosen, but first, a little background.

On Saturday, sex workers in Amsterdam offered a free look at the city’s famed red-light district. Wide-eyed gawkers got to pose for pictures and snoop behind the scenes. Organizers planned the event to help combat what they considered “bad publicity.”

red love 120.jpgSo anyway, an erotic dancer named Love, shown here, was on hand at the Banana Bar to pose for photographs in a fluorescent negligee, and here’s what she said about the event: It is especially interesting for women. If they learn what we do here they will realize it is not a big deal if their husbands or boyfriends want to come here.