Blog Guy, I have a question about the whole Darwinism/creationism debate, and I know you are educated in both science and theology.

My problem is, I think both of those theories are kind of gross. I mean, amphibians, apes, men’s ribs, neanderthals crawling out of slime…

So where on earth did really attractive people come from? You think models like Gisele Bundchen evolved from a frickin’ chimpanzee?

You raise a very valid point, and timely as well. Runway models clearly evolved separately from regular mortals.

You should go see a very special Fashion Week tableau in Milan, which addresses this dilemma.

Check out the combo shot above. Slender, gorgeous models did once crawl on all fours, but in a graceful way.

Then, with considerable poise, they rose to their knees, discovered sizzling hot stiletto shoes, put them on and walked away, pouting and flouncing.

Hmmm. I don’t know.

Hey, they couldn’t show it in Milan if it wasn’t true.

Lower your expectations. Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Above: Combination photo of a model reacting after she falls during the Mila Schon Spring/Summer 2010 women’s collection show at Milan Fashion Week September 29, 2009. REUTERS/Alessandro Garofalo

Below: Brazilian model Gisele Bundchen in Berlin in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Johannes Eisele

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, my friends and I dress up like knights in medieval costumes. Armor, swords, lances. We re-enact battles and stuff.

So what?

The thing is, our wives want to recreate the way the ladies looked, but we don’t know what they wore.

They wore dresses, stupid! You never heard the expression, “a damsel in dis dress?”

Thanks! And what about shoes, like stilettos for fancy occasions?

The knights were always armed, even on dates, and their armorers made shoes for the ladies. This photo below shows stylish shoes covered in chain mail.

Chain mail? You mean like, “send this letter to ten friends or you’ll have bad luck”? That’s very helpful! but WHY did the knights go on dates armed?

Before a date, damsels would tell the knights to “bring protection,” and that’s how they showed up. They weren’t exactly the brightest piles of iron on the scrapheap.

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Two medieval knights fight during a photocall for a museum exhibition in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/ David Moir

A model presents a creation as part of Versus Spring/ Summer 2010 women’s collection during Milan Fashion week September 27, 2009. REUTERS/Stefano Rellandini

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Okay fashion show staff, you’re all aware of our problem.

Our designer shoes are so uncomfortable, our models won’t wear them. As you can see here, they just take them off in the middle of the runway!

We’ve had lots of falls recently, and now, God forbid, people have started debating whether women have the right to wear “comfortable” shoes to work. This could be the end of us.

Herb, I liked your idea of filling the shoes with airplane glue, but unfortunately people in the front row can smell it, and we can’t have fashion editors getting stoned.

I’m afraid that leaves us with Lonnie’s suggestion, shoeing the models sort of like horses.

I think the discomfort of having a few nails stuck into their feet to hold the shoes on has been exaggerated, and our medical coverage does cover tetanus shots, right?

But Lonnie, DO remember to measure the nails. The sight of having them come out the top of the foot might be a fashion turn-off…

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

A model removes her shoes as she displays an outfit by designer Carlos Doblas during Madrid Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2010 show, September 18, 2009.

A model gets help making her shoes more slip-resistant before taking part in Alma Aguilar’s Spring/Summer 2010 show in Madrid, September 21, 2009.

REUTERS photos by Susana Vera

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Over there in Britain, some unions have set off a heated debate by demanding that women have the right to wear comfortable shoes in the workplace.

Guys, in case you’re total morons, “comfortable” is a code word for ugly.

My first reaction to this was fine, there’s no job where a woman really needs to wear stiletto heels, but after doing some research in our photo archive, I found quite a few.

It turns out you need high heels for farming, riding a motorcycle, running for vice-president and working in a car wash, just to name a few, and that’s not even to mention how much you need them if your job is being Jennifer Aniston.

Also, a group of foot doctors has muddied the waters by saying that wearing high heels can cause blisters, corns, calluses, foot, knee and back pain. Well, boo hoo! Speaking for Jennifer Aniston, I can live with that.

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Actress Jennifer Aniston poses at the premiere of her new film “Love Happens” in Los Angeles September 15, 2009.  REUTERS/ Fred Prouser

Assorted other heel shots. REUTERS photos

More stuff from Oddly Enough

You’ve probably noticed that along with coffee, your local Starbucks is now selling CDs, books, medical equipment and automotive parts.

What does this retail giant have in store for us next? Well, Bucks just unveiled its new line of women’s clothes at Milan Fashion Week. Soon, chicks will be able to wardrobe-up from head to toe while ordering their caffeine fix.

Now I guess the same clown that messes up your coffee order will sell you shoes, dresses, etc., all carefully designed to look good while holding a cardboard cup holder. Warning: if you want a small dress, you need to ask for a “large.”

“I’ll take the cobalt blue cocktail dress, the indigo sweater and the sunglasses, please.”

“Sure. Would you like a pastry with that?”

Find inner peace! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

A model presents a creation by Canadian designers DSquared2 at their Fall/Winter 2009/10 women’s collection show at Milan Fashion Week, March 2, 2009. REUTERS/Chris Helgren

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Confidential memo to fashion show staff:

It’s no secret that Fashion Week has gotten too tame. There’s no surprise or drama anymore.

We aim to change that, starting now. You all have your assignments.

Kelli, you’re spreading splotches of Vaseline on the runway, right?

Lonnie, it’s your job to stretch a thin wire across the runway at ankle-level.

Stephanie, if the stiletto heels on some of those shoes are loosened, I’ll look the other way, if you take my meaning.

Earl, you need to be nearby with a snow shovel. If some of the models don’t get back up, push ‘em off as fast as you can. And Earl, watch out for that Vaseline!

Got chapped lips? Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Models slip and fall while presenting creations from the Herve Ledger by Max Azria Fall 2009 collection during New York Fashion Week February 15, 2009.

REUTERS photos by Eric Thayer

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Has this ever happened to you?

You’re walking along in your high-top running shoes heading for the basketball court, when suddenly there’s a BEACH!

The tide is coming in. You’re going to have totally soaked footwear for the game, unless you’re wearing MODULAR SHOES!

That’s right, with these new space-age shoes, zip-zip and your high-tops become flip-flops!

With this stylish, versatile product, boat shoes turn to jungle boots instantly! Rubber sandals become stiletto pumps! Loafers turn to cowboy boots!

Thanks to 40 pounds of zippers embedded in the design, you now only need ONE pair of shoes, for life!

Call now, and get these attractive steak knives as a bonus…

Rich in vitamin C! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

A modular shoe is displayed at the “Bread & Butter” fashion trade show in Barcelona January 22, 2009. REUTERS/Albert Gea

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Okay, design staff, we’ve got a huge honking problem with the fashion show! Our market research shows everybody thinks our new shoes suck!

This stuns me. You take our quilted red shoe, called “Sofa.” It turns out women aren’t so eager to be associated with a large overstuffed piece of furniture.

The same is true of our new “Gun” shoe and our “Tsing Ma Bridge” shoe. Who would have thought firearms and long suspension bridges would be a fashion turn-off?

So anyway, we decided to save money by only making ONE of each shoe, instead of a pair. The models can either HOP down the runway on one foot, or else just carry the damned things.

After the show, we’ll sell the single shoes to One-Footed Women with Bad Fashion Sense. Emily, can you Google to find a contact for that group?

Be more popular. Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Model displays “Sofa” in the annual Footwear Design Competition Awards, during Hong Kong Fashion Week for Fall/Winter 2009 January 13, 2009.

Model displays “Gun” shoe.

Model displays “Tsing Ma Bridge” shoe.

REUTERS photos by Bobby Yip

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Okay, fashion design staffers, there’s a recession on. We have to find a way to squeeze more money out of teenage girls, because they’ll buy ANYTHING!

Pay attention. We’re telling them the cool new look is those silly hats bullfighters wear. Yes, I’m serious. Now, Lenny has come up with some goofy, hideous dresses that will sell like hotcakes.

But here’s the best part. This is what makes me a certified genius! We tell them the new trend in footwear is to wear two DIFFERENT shoes! That means every girl has to buy TWO pairs just to get ONE pair! Twice as much money for us!

Okay, Emma, send in those six chicks from the mall, and let’s see if there’s ANYTHING they won’t put on!

Never floss again! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Spanish bullfighter Julian Lopez Escober in a 2007 file photo. REUTERS/ Eloy Alonso

Models present the latest creations for teenagers by Indonesian fashion designer Lenny Agustine in Jakarta, December 3, 2008. REUTERS/Dadang Tri

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, I don’t know what to get my girlfriend for Christmas. Any suggestions?

Sure. How about buying her a Flagship?

A what?

Well, I just saw some photos that said Victoria’s Secret opened a new “Flagship store.” Judging from this picture, I gather a Flagship is a large pair of scissors.

You’re an idiot! Why would my girlfriend want scissors big enough to cut through solid steel?

Just for the shear enjoyment? Hang on, I did some more research and it turns out a Flagship is a red dress…

You researched nothing! How do  you know Flagships aren’t a brand of shoes with stiletto heels?

I think you’re right! I hope your girlfriend enjoys her shoes. I’m going to write a Flagship article for Wikipedia now.

Stick it to the man! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Victoria’s Secret models pose for photographers at the opening of the new Victoria’s Secret flagship store in New York City, December 2, 2008. REUTERS/ Mike Segar

More stuff from Oddly Enough