Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Where in the world is Paris Hilton?

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Blog Guy, I’m worried sick! It’s been four days since we left Paris Hilton promoting her shoes in Istanbul, and we’ve heard nothing from her. I’m going to start checking the hospitals.

I’m sorry, I should have told your earlier. She’s fine, she’s just in India now, promoting her new line of handbags and accessories. Here she is, above, at a news conference.

Whew! That’s quite a relief. What with her being one of the 10 most hated people in America, I fear for her safety.

I guess maybe she’s going overseas a lot these days so folks in other countries can learn to feel the same about her.

Then, with flames licking at her heels…

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Okay, Lamar, I put you in charge of designing our whole new line of women’s shoes, so show us what you came up with.

Here you go, Boss, behold the new Feet of Fire collection.

It’s everything the young professional woman needs. These flaming tail fins send the message, “Watch out, world, my feet are on fire and I’m stopping for nobody!”

Paris, couldn’t ya just wear gloves?

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Johnson, get in my office! You call yourself a news photographer?

What did I do this time, Boss?

I sent you to cover that Paris Hilton event where she’s pushing her line of shoes, but I told you NOT to make it look like free publicity. You know, it has to seem newsworthy.

After all, she is one of the 10 most hated people in America, AND she’s just trying to sell shoes.

If Lego made shoes for women…

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Lamar, you said you had a hot new fashion design to show me. I’m skeptical after that nutty lingerie thing a few days ago, but I’m listening.

Here it is, boss, behold the future!

This is just a pile of crap, Lamar. Plastic lumps and rubber bands and stuff.

To the untrained eye, sure. But it’s actually a flexible modular shoe design which allows a woman to make 256 different footwear combinations!

How’d you make out with that socialite?

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paris kiss this 490

Johnson, get your butt into my office! Did you shoot those Paris Hilton events?

I sure did, Boss, I just got back.

MEXICO/So? Fill me in. Was it newsworthy?

I dunno. She mostly just made out with some guy.

Wait a minute, Johnson. She called the press in to watch her make out?

Yeah, I thought it was kind of nervy of her. He didn’t even try for second base.

Well, I’ll be! Maybe it’s the first time she’s ever been kissed?

Going out on a limb for readers?

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MOTOR-RACING/

Blog Guy, are you still doing those fantasy shots for your blog readers?

Yes, if they are interesting and have some artistic value. What are you looking for?

MOTOR-RACING/I’d like a shot of eight or nine chicks with long, shapely legs to die for, wearing stiletto heels.

Welcome to our model town…

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gown town this 490

(to the tune of Petula Clark’s “Downtown“)

When you want lookers
But you can’t afford hookers
Here’s the place to go, Gown Town

You’ll be a hero
‘Cause they’re all a Size Zero
If you find them in, Gown Town…

The key to a great Valentine?

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locks shoes 490

Blog Guy, I really need your help with a relationship problem. I’m pretty sure my girlfriend is stepping out on me.

fashion locks vertical 220Stepping out?

Yeah. You know what I mean…

Oh. Jeez, can’t you try one of our other blogs written by smarter people? Like Faithworld or Felix Salmon?

Those are some pretty big shoes to fill

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Blog Guy, you’re obviously a very cosmopolitan dude, a citizen of the world, right?

Well, growing up in Indianapolis we supposedly had some Belgians living on our block, although I never actually saw them.

Look chic when it’s a jungle out there!

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fashion survival combo 490

Blog Guy, I’m a woman who likes to look her best at all times. I have an irrational fear of being caught out in the jungle, without my luggage, and no way to accessorize my outfit.

fashion survival boots 300My psychiatrist said you might be able to do something.

Yes, help is available. Many women share this fear. You are not alone.

I strongly recommend a six-week jungle survival fashion course, called “Going Rogue, But Staying Vogue.”