Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, I’m a HUGE Christina Aguilera fan. I know she sang the National Anthem at a Lakers game a couple of days ago, and I’m hoping you can run a picture of her. Please!
Sure thing, here you go, that photo on top. She’s looking nice, huh? I guess she…
Excuse me, I hate to complain, Blog Guy, but those are just her ankles and her shoes. I was hoping for a face.
Yeah, sorry, we’ve hired a bunch of really short photographers recently – some kind of quota thing – and I must agree it’s changed the look of our coverage.
Blog Guy, I need help. I have an overwhelming fear of being bitten by a vampire. What can I do to protect myself?
You could buy this handy 19th century Vampire Killing Kit that went up for auction in London today.
Okay, this is SOMEBODY’S fault, and they’re gonna pay! What went wrong?
I’m SO sorry, Boss! It sounded like a great idea. What a striking sight on the red carpet at Cannes, movie star Naomi Watts, arriving astride the shoulders of a Daphne Burki…
Lamar, those fashion models are getting uppity. Oh, they’re so full of themselves, with their beauty and glamour, we need to take ‘em down a notch.
Gosh, how do we do that, Boss?
We lower their self-esteem.
Let’s put one of ‘em in lingerie and stiletto heels, send her out on the runway with a big bottle of vodka, and have her ad lib jokes until she’s flat on the floor. She won’t feel so high and mighty then!
Blog Guy, as a Hollywood media insider AND a fashion blogger, you must come under intense pressure to publicize all the glitzy designer creations worn by celebrities to the Oscars, right?
Boy, I’ll say. Those publicists are very pushy.
So how do you handle the pressure?
Well, I’m basically a nice guy, so I try to help them out. For instance, an e-mail came my way trying to publicize Oscars celebrities wearing Sergio Rossi shoes.
Blog Guy, I’m dating a fashion model…
Hey, that must be neat.
It is, but I worry. She eats so little, and sometimes a raisin or a pea will go down the wrong way and she starts to choke.
So I figure I should learn that lifesaving Heimlich Maneuver.
Okay, first, you don’t want to use the standard Heimlich on her. You need the Size Zero Heimlich.
Blog Guy, I have a fashion problem. Lots of times on a date a guy will offer me a walnut, but I never know how I’m supposed to crack it.
You came to the right place. Check out these designer shoes, made to meet all of a chick’s nutcracking needs. One good stomp, and you’ll be scarfing down tasty walnut bits for hours.
Little Bo peep has lost her sheep
And hopes that they haven’t got ill
If they are found, please send them down,
To Fashion Week in Brazil
* * * *
Jack Sprat could eat no fat,
His wife could eat no lean,
They had a daughter with an eating disorder,
Who modeled in a magazine