Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Human evolution, the sexy way

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Blog Guy, I have a question about the whole Darwinism/creationism debate, and I know you are educated in both science and theology.

My problem is, I think both of those theories are kind of gross. I mean, amphibians, apes, men’s ribs, neanderthals crawling out of slime…

So where on earth did really attractive people come from? You think models like Gisele Bundchen evolved from a frickin’ chimpanzee?

You raise a very valid point, and timely as well. Runway models clearly evolved separately from regular mortals.

For a well-heeled damsel on a knight out…

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Blog Guy, my friends and I dress up like knights in medieval costumes. Armor, swords, lances. We re-enact battles and stuff.

So what?

The thing is, our wives want to recreate the way the ladies looked, but we don’t know what they wore.

Gals, time to get your nails done!

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Okay fashion show staff, you’re all aware of our problem.

Our designer shoes are so uncomfortable, our models won’t wear them. As you can see here, they just take them off in the middle of the runway!

We’ve had lots of falls recently, and now, God forbid, people have started debating whether women have the right to wear “comfortable” shoes to work. This could be the end of us.

Them flip-flops ain’t makin’ it, honey!

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Over there in Britain, some unions have set off a heated debate by demanding that women have the right to wear comfortable shoes in the workplace.

Guys, in case you’re total morons, “comfortable” is a code word for ugly.

Grande fashion: better latte than never!

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You’ve probably noticed that along with coffee, your local Starbucks is now selling CDs, books, medical equipment and automotive parts.

What does this retail giant have in store for us next? Well, Bucks just unveiled its new line of women’s clothes at Milan Fashion Week. Soon, chicks will be able to wardrobe-up from head to toe while ordering their caffeine fix.

Our pratfall fashion collection!

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Confidential memo to fashion show staff:

It’s no secret that Fashion Week has gotten too tame. There’s no surprise or drama anymore.

We aim to change that, starting now. You all have your assignments.

Kelli, you’re spreading splotches of Vaseline on the runway, right?

Lonnie, it’s your job to stretch a thin wire across the runway at ankle-level.

From hightops to flipflops in seconds!

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Has this ever happened to you?

You’re walking along in your high-top running shoes heading for the basketball court, when suddenly there’s a BEACH!

The tide is coming in. You’re going to have totally soaked footwear for the game, unless you’re wearing MODULAR SHOES!

Put on your Sofas, honey, we’re steppin’ out!

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Okay, design staff, we’ve got a huge honking problem with the fashion show! Our market research shows everybody thinks our new shoes suck!

This stuns me. You take our quilted red shoe, called “Sofa.” It turns out women aren’t so eager to be associated with a large overstuffed piece of furniture.

My shoes match! I have to go change!

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Okay, fashion design staffers, there’s a recession on. We have to find a way to squeeze more money out of teenage girls, because they’ll buy ANYTHING!

Pay attention. We’re telling them the cool new look is those silly hats bullfighters wear. Yes, I’m serious. Now, Lenny has come up with some goofy, hideous dresses that will sell like hotcakes.

These Flagships hurt my feet!

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Blog Guy, I don’t know what to get my girlfriend for Christmas. Any suggestions?

Sure. How about buying her a Flagship?

A what?

Well, I just saw some photos that said Victoria’s Secret opened a new “Flagship store.” Judging from this picture, I gather a Flagship is a large pair of scissors.