Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

So it’s the nudes vs. the dorks?

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Blog Guy, I’m looking to join a rugby team. I saw your item about Naked Rugby, but I seem to recall there are two different kinds of rugby. Is that right?

Sure. There’s the Stark Naked Rugby, and then there’s the Traditional Old-Fashioned Rugby.

Right! Traditional Old-Fashioned, that’s the one I want. I’m in! Tell me about it.

Well, you smoke a pipe and wear a top hat and frock coat, and zip around on your Segway, as you…

It’s just like in the disaster movies!

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Boss, can you hear me? It’s me, Johnson! Oh, it’s still night-time in LA? Sorry to wake you up, but I’ve got great news!

You remember you sent me to scout around for the next big “King Kong” sort of movie?

So what’s the worst that could happen?

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Sarge, if it’s okay with you, I’m gonna take a little cigarette break.

Okay Lonnie, there’s not much goin’ on here right now. Say, are you just gonna stand that rocket-propelled grenade up on end like that?

You have something on your…oh, never mind!

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Blog Guy, I need your advice on my dating life. I’ve tried everything, but can’t seem to get guys to notice me.

Have you tried tobacco?

Smoking? Gosh, so many people do that, nobody would even care if I did it.

No, not smoking. Have you tried jamming the tobacco right up your nose?  That’s a very chic, very sophisticated look.

What could be insaner than to smoke like Speaker Boehner?

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Quick quiz: Speaker of the House John Boehner is puffing on a cigarette…

a) in his own back yard.

b) in Ohio or someplace like that.

c) in an airplane lavatory after invoking his Congressional Smoke Detector Disabling Privileges.

d) at a White House picnic.

You’re not going to believe this, but he is indeed at a White House family picnic, complete with foot-long hot dogs, a pie-throwing contest, and impressionable children.

The prestigious Zippo Award goes to…

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Blog Guy, why don’t you actually go to Cannes to cover that annual Film Festival?

Oh, I don’t smoke.

So?

From the looks of our coverage every year Cannes is just one big ashtray, a throwback to the 1950s when nobody worried much about lungs.

Call it a tokin’ effort?

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Lamar, get in my office! Are you the one who approved the permit for those people to hold a huge Global Marijuana March in the streets here over the weekend?

Aren’t you aware that some folks blame marijuana for things like difficulty in concentrating, slowed reaction time and altered time perception? I can’t believe you let them march!

No no no, I’m a rocket man…

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RPG instructions490

Okay troops, listen up!

Some of you are new to using different kinds of rockets, so they’ve asked me, a Professor of Grenadery, to teach you some things.

rocket firing 340Hey private! You wanna stop using your rocket to pound in that tent stake and come over here?

The cigarettes are in the cabinet?

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smoking minister 490

Quick quiz: The politician puffing away in this photo is…

smoking canadian 260a) Going to be grounded if her mom catches her smoking again…

b) Not likely to be the first stop on “Take Your Child to Parliament Day”

c) The star of a one-woman stage tribute to legendary musician Roy Orbison

d) A senior Canadian cabinet minister

Congratulations if you guessed d). She is the International Cooperation Minister for Canada. Really.

When celebrities cut their own hair…

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glamour penn 490

Blog Guy, I’m tired of striking out with the chicks. What do those big Hollywood stars have that I don’t have? Can you let us in on some of their secrets?

glamour combo 320Sorry, I’m not supposed to reveal any of them.

Come on. It’s not like anybody else will see it here in your blog.

Okay. It’s mostly their hair. You take a big star like Sean Penn, he pays fifteen, maybe twenty bucks for a haircut, plus a tip.