Oddly Enough Blog

Okay, so maybe it’s a strange hobby…

Blog Guy, I hate to bother you, but I need your help with something.

Sure, that’s what I’m here for.

See, I maintain an extensive world map with color-coded pins showing everywhere Paris Hilton has been in the last 10 years, you know, day by day.

Really? Then I don’t think I can give you the kind of help it sounds like you need.

So anyway, due to some unfortunate binge drinking-related blackouts, I seem to be missing a few key dates. For instance, August 8, 2004.

Let’s have a look in my photo archive. Bingo! Here she is, driving a pickup truck in Los Angeles.

Meet the Duchess of Holiday Weekends

Blog Guy, it’s me, the guy you got hooked on photos of that duchess…

I guess that narrows it down to about nine million guys.

I need fresh pictures, but the last time I asked, you gave me a duchess made of butter and a chick with gross fingernails. So this time, I’ll be clearer.

No names, please.

Okay, um, she’s a duchess, she got married recently and she’s a member of a royal family… Is that enough for you to go on?

Sure, say no more. I’ve got just what you want. Presenting, Spain’s Duchess of Alba Cayetana Fitz-James Stuart y Silva, dancing at her wedding a few days ago.

Signs that you made a dumb career move

Blog Guy, your career advice is very useful, especially your tips on possible indicators that we may have taken the wrong career path at some point. Thanks to your last one, my brother got out of the bee-wearing profession.

Thanks. Here’s a tip that a surprising number of young urban professionals tend to overlook, what with their busy schedules.

If you find yourself flat on your stomach and you can’t get up, look over your shoulder. If there is a 3,000 pound bull on your back, then maybe you actually should have READ the questions on your Career Aptitude Test before answering them.

Uh-oh, that one hits pretty close to home, Blog Guy. I myself was lured by a pamphlet called, “The Exciting Life of the Matador,” and once I saw the sissy outfits and stupid hats, I was hooked.

Yes, know, I hear that from people all the time.

So if I see the 3,000 pound bull on my back, what else should I watch for?

Smurf City, here we come!

Blog Guy, can you please help settle a bet with my haberdasher’s manicurist?

Again with the bets and the random occupations? What’s this one about?

She says there’s a whole town somewhere that has been turned into a Smurf village – you know, the little blue cartoon characters – and I say she’s totally nuts.

Actually, she’s absolutely right. Sony chose a little village in southern Spain for the world premiere of their new movie, “The Smurfs 3D,” and they painted the whole shebang blue.

Painted the whole shebang, huh? Is that all they did?

I’ll NEVER do that again, I promise!

Blog Guy, every year at Easter time I see lots of photos of “penitents” from different places, which I gather has to do with repenting for sins and stuff like that. I was hoping you could elaborate a bit for your readers.

Not without doing actual research, which takes too much effort.

But I was hoping you could just make up stuff, as usual.

Okay. It appears some penitents have to wear hooded outfits which are VERY unfortunate in design, if you catch my meaning.

I do indeed. Those folks must have done something pretty bad. But what’s the very, very WORST they can make you do if you’re a penitent?

Well, from what I can see, you could have to make chit-chat with Melanie Griffith.

I couldn’t pick out that guy in a line-up!

Blog Guy, my favorite actor is Antonio Banderas. He is SO dreamy! I love him! Can you please, please run a photo of him in your blog for all his fans?

Sure, my pleasure. Here he is in Málaga, Spain, a couple of days ago for Holy Week. Enjoy.

Um, I hate to complain Blog Guy, but all I can see is his eyes and hair.

That’s not true. You do also get to see his finger. Look, here on the left is another shot you may enjoy more.

But there’s a microphone in front of his mouth, and he only takes up a tiny portion of the shot.

Yes, that is to symbolize how small man is compared with the majesty of Holy Week.

Those cute ears will make a great trophy!

What’s up, Blog Guy? You look concerned about something.

I am. I just saw these photos of two panda cubs born in Spain.

They’re adorable! What’s wrong with that?

Did you miss the part where I said they are in SPAIN, the place where poor creatures are slowly tortured to death before slobbering, bloodthirsty crowds?

Besides bullfighting, this is the home of the running of the bulls, the fiery “purification of the horses” and similar traditions too numerous to mention.

Why couldn’t these poor pandas have been born someplace safer, like Libya or Somalia?

Honey, we need to talc…

Okay, the folks in these pictures are coverd in talcum powder from a traditional Powder Day festival in their Spanish village.

The caption tells us that festival participants “hurl talcum powder at each other until they are completely covered with it,” and that in the past, “young men used this game to seduce girls.”

Are you kidding me? That worked to seduce girls?

Hey, señorita! Look up here! Gotcha! Hope you enjoy this 50-pound bag of Johnson and Johnson’s all over you!

Oh Lonnie, you miscreant scalawag! You’ve ruined my brand-new Easter dress! It’s kind of a turn-on! Let’s go to a motel!

Great! Another successful talcum powder seduction!

Don’t Basque, don’t tell…

Blog Guy, in the past you’ve criticized Spain for things like bullfighting, the running of the bulls in Pamplona, and that thing where they ride horses through fire. Don’t they have any normal traditions?

Sure. Just a couple of days ago we covered carnival celebrations up in the Basque region, and I’ve been looking at our photos of that.

It appears this is a festival involving the local men, who seem to have very hairy backs.

That sounds a little strange. Are all the guys covered in hair over there?

No, you can see this one dude on the right is covered in animal entrails, instead.

Ewwwwwwww! But that’s as weird as this festival gets?

Look! It is ‘El Tall One’ himself!

Blog Guy, can you please settle a bet with my pedicurist’s pest control guy?

Sure. I’m just here to settle bets. What’s up?

It’s about bullfighting, and I know you wrote the book on that. The cockroach man says bullfighters tend to be short, like jockeys, but I think they’re much taller. Who’s right?

I’m afraid cockroach man is right. I believe the average height of a living matador is only 3’6″, and many of the dead ones are even shorter.

Wow. Guess I owe  him $20,000. Are there any exceptions to that?

Only one, who goes by the colorful name of “El Tall One.” As you can see here in these pictures, he’s a towering 5’8″.  He has built his whole career around his incredible height.