Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

A miracle cure? No chants!

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Blog Guy, I need to get some medical advice from you in the strictest confidence. I am a very famous person. You may just call me Ronaldo.

Ah. You’re that guy from the big hamburger franchise? You ARE famous!

No. That would be Ronald McDonald. I myself am RONALDO, a huge soccer star, but I have injured my ankle. I need to play again soon. What do you recommend?

Get yourself some shamans – you know, magic guys. One of them should look like Muammar Gaddafi. The other one should have a dead rodent hanging from his neck.

A dead rodent… Hanging by what?

By what? By a Dead Rodent Strap, silly. What else would he use? They sell ‘em at Radio Shack.

Stick it to da man?

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Blog Guy, I recall you’ve been a professional fencing coach?

I don’t like to boast, but I do know quite a bit about those long pointy things.

Well so, what’s the most important thing to understand about fencing?

Timing.

Timing? You mean when to parry, when to thrust?

No, I mean the right time to jubilantly throw your arms up in victory celebration.

We’ve said this crap before, haven’t we?

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Arnold: Who is your daddy and what does he do?

Sylvester: My old man, he was never too smart, he says to me, ‘You ain’t got much of a brain…’

Arnold: I remember days like this when my father took me to the forest and we ate wild blueberries…

What’s that big thing near the drop zone?

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Blog Guy, did you read about those guys who made the highest parachute landing ever at a drop zone near Mount Everest last week?

So they had the danger of diving from four miles up, AND they had to avoid hitting Mount Everest! They must be REALLY macho!

Hey Diego! Know where you should avoid?

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I’m very reluctant to call anyone stupid. What? Yes, I HAVE used that word in 423 blog posts, which just goes to show my restraint.

So here is this story about “soccer legend” Diego Maradona. He checked into a weight-loss clinic in Italy, and finance police promptly seized his earrings to help pay off his back taxes.

Just call him a fencing foil…

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Quick quiz: In these photos, President Barack Obama is…

a) illustrating how his new death panels will work.

b) abruptly ending a promising political career.

c) pretending to be Luke Skywalker, like every other guy on earth.

d) about to provoke the Secret Service marksmen on the White House roof.

Actually, the best thing about these lawn fencing photos is first lady Michelle Obama’s expression. It’s perfect….

“Oh dear God, who gave a toy sword to that fool? Honey, come over here, I need to talk to you for a minute about dinner! It’s IMPORTANT, sweetie-pie!”

My hot date with a slam-dunk!

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Blog Guy, I know you follow international sports, and I have a question. Somebody told me women’s basketball is played very differently in Europe. Do they use a different sort of basketball?

No, they don’t use one at all. Instead, the women stuff each other through the hoops.

You caught some frozen fish sticks, Mr. President!

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Blog Guy, you’ve got great sources for news of President Obama. Is it true he loves to fish?

Yeah. He did some trout fishing in Montana recently, but he confided that his true passion is Office Fishing.  In the Oval Office he loves to pull out the old fishin’ poll and see what he can reel in. Of course, lots of it has to be thrown back.

Look, up in the sky! A blogger who works holidays!

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Blog Guy, I saw a Reuters shot of this guy doing a Superman leap in diving competition in Switzerland this weekend, and he looked a lot like you. I guess we shouldn’t expect a new blog post tomorrow?

Several readers asked this. First off, if you’ve read my various posts about heights, you know that I oppose doing anything from an altitude, especially jumping from it.

Did you SEE that dude hit the cement?

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I have trouble figuring out why some things are news. Readers know I’m confused about why we keep shooting identical photos of Madonna and her car in dozens of cities, as though we’ve never seen it before.

Then there’s this French so-called “daredevil” who climbs skyscrapers all over the world. Today he climbed a Petronas tower in Malaysia and was taken into police custody, which usually happens. Then, a couple of weeks later, he’s at it again, scaling a building somewhere else, only to wind up in custody again.