Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

I hope there are some bulls on his “death panel”

Photo

Blog Guy, what’s the humane situation in Britain? They really love their animals, right? But so like what if you’re a Brit person and you really have this urge to be cruel to animals? Is that a problem?

You can go fox hunting, though that’s a little more difficult these days.

But what if it doesn’t satisfy my need to be cruel? What if I try that, and just have the urge to torture BIGGER animals?

Oh, then you become a bullfighter and go to Spain.

A British bullfighter? Come on!

There really is one. We have photos of him.

Wow! I bet he has to be REALLY fit for a sport like that. Isn’t that a very demanding skill?

Ew! No more oatmeal for me, Ma!

Photo

I apologize in advance for this one, since I know a lot of readers, even entire families, enjoy my blog while at the breakfast table.

Still, my logic is this: Nobody shields ME from this crap, so you all may as well see what’s going on in the real world, the same as I have to.

Gored of the rings?

Photo

Blog Guy, thanks for keeping that information flowing about the proud tradition of bullfighting, even though I don’t think you like it very much.

I thought I was hiding my feelings pretty well.

So does the bullfighter interact with the crowd at all during the event?

You bet. Here you can see what is called El Winkador. It’s the matador’s way of saying, “I’m midway through torturing a poor animal to death, wink wink. Aren’t I cute?”

Me and Herbie go to the Derby in our Old Kentucky Home

Photo

Blog Guy, you follow the European music scene closely. I heard Bono blew them away in London on the U2 world tour.

Yes, but the real star of that show was Erik Tysse, the warm-up act from Norway. Erik came out of nowhere to do a Susan Boyle sort of show-stopper, singing ”My Old Kentucky Home.”

Spain’s school for waiters! Flan with élan?

Photo

Okay gentlemen, listen up. You’re all here because you were accepted at Fancypants University! Good old FU, the best school for waiters in all of Spain.

You look muy bueno in your festive outfits, with your tablecloths folded over your arms.

Trot a little faster, Dad!

Photo

Blog Guy, thanks for continuing to explain the majestic traditions of bullfighting. What’s the last thing that happens before the bullfighter enters the ring?

As you can see, “El Snapadoro” takes an official photo in case there’s a hole the size of a toilet seat going through him after the fight. Smile, Mr. Personality!

Tora! Tora! Tora! Toro? Toro? Toro?

Photo

Blog guy, you’ve had a lot of photos lately of Spanish bullfighters getting tossed around and trampled. So like, is there any chance they’ll run out of them soon?

That would be nice, but I’m afraid not. See, they’re importing them from Asia now.

The worst swim-up bar EVER!

Photo

Blog Guy, I normally love tropical swim-up bars. There’s nothing like paddling over for a refreshing cocktail.

But this week I’m staying at an Italian seaside resort, and I can’t figure out their system. The drinks were already made, but they pulled them away when I tried to grab one. Not only that, they used these long poles to beat me senseless.

Oh, the humanity!

Photo

Quick quiz: The most horrific road hazard faced by Tour de France riders is…

a) snipers in the trees

b) oncoming 18-wheelers

c) rabid leg-eating wolverines

d) blatant accordion music

Yes, all other hazards pale by comparison to the shameless accordion players, who can step out of the tall grass with no warning whatsoever.

Lifestyles of the Retch and Famous?

Photo

Blog Guy, I think you have been too hard on British people, what with those Twit Games and Funny Hat Day and stuff.

I agree. So to make up for it, I went to a cricket match in London a couple of days ago.