Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Don’t tread on us, boys…

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Somehow I doubt this was exactly what the editor had in mind when he sent a shooter out to the race track with a Grand Prix coming up. I bet he expected some shiny race cars, maybe well-known drivers chatting with the models..

Instead, we guessed that the ultimate male fantasy is wandering around piles of big old dirty tires and stumbling upon models in sexy red dresses and tennis shoes. You know, it sounds better when you say it than it looks in the photos.

“Hey, ladies, you come here often? Think it’s gonna be a Goodyear? Yeah, I got a million lines like that, ladies.”

I guess we’re just really lucky we didn’t find them hanging around a big old pile of rusted carburetors and mufflers and oily rags and stuff.

Weren’t you a princess or something?

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Blog Guy, I collect photos of very unlikely matchings of people. Last year you arranged for a picture of comedian Jimmie Walker and columnist Ann Coulter.

Yes, I remember. That was quite a job! How is your collection coming along?

Not well. You’re the only person who actually provides this service. Now I want a shot of boxing promoter Don King and the Duchess of York, side by side. King needs to be wearing a stupid-looking jacket and holding an Israeli flag.

The defendant will stop looking at the blogger!

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Some blog readers have been asking why I’m not in Las Vegas covering that O.J. Simpson memorabilia trial. There are several reasons:

simpson-eyes-crop.jpg1. Genuine bloggers don’t usually cover stuff in person because it’s too much work being a reporter.

Faster! The lion is gaining!

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tilda-race-crop-200.jpgBlog Guy, I love the test matches you set up to answer reader questions about what beats what. You’ve done a gopher vs. racing cars, real bikes vs. stationary bikes and horses vs. container ships, among others.

So now, I have one. Who would win in a foot race between a movie actress and a lion statue with wings?

How’s the war? What’s the score?

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swiss-army-knife-140.jpgYou can tell a lot about a country by the titles they give their officials. You take Samuel Schmid, named in this caption as the Swiss Defense and Sport Minister. Huh? How does THAT work?

Swiss President: What news have you, Schmid?

Schmid: It is horrible! France and Italy are poised to attack us with bombers, missiles and paratroopers!

Not just another pretty face…

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Blog Guy, you’ve been filling us in on the Olympics sports that nobody else covers. Tell us more!

There’s hot competition today for the Freakishly Grotesque Face event, as you can see in these training camp photos.

Great toss, but she lost her pudding!

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javelin-crop-160.jpgBlog Guy, explain what’s so difficult about the javelin event. You throw a spear, right? Big deal!

It helps to know something before you shoot off your mouth. For starters, they’re tossing the javelins at a target. Usually a troupe of performing mimes. Those little mime dudes can scurry like cockroaches when javelins are coming at them.

Two, four, six, eight, who we gonna constipate?

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Blog Guy, you mentioned advertising deals for some of the Olympic athletes. Any idea who will be the first one to do a commercial?

There’s a lot of secrecy of course, but I have spies at the big ad agencies. It seems a number of women weightlifters are already trying out for a laxative commercial, and I’ve even obtained some of the audition photos.

Hep me! I can’t feel my thungue!

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tongue-crop-5-180.jpgBlog Guy, what’s it like when you win at the Olympics? I mean, do athletes go through physical changes?

For sure. Sports doctors say most athletes totally lose control of their tongue. You’ll see photos of winners with their tongues flopping like they just had a quart of Novocaine. This can last for months.

Olympics stuff they don’t want you to see…

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Blog Guy, Thanks for covering Olympics sports like the Human Slingshot. Are there other sports the mainstream media hide from us?

Sure. There’s a whole dark underbelly of Olympics sports they don’t put on Wheaties boxes. Like Bare-Knuckle Self-Fighting, shown here. You should see how this guy looked after he defeated himself. If he wakes up, he’ll get a gold medal.