Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

DANGER: Watch for falling jocks

Photo

vertical-3-200.jpgLast week I reported on the stupid sport of Appliance Golf, and now I’ve got something even dumber. It’s Vertical Soccer, which combines two of my least-favorite things: strenuous exercise and hanging from great heights.

These are actual photos showing players dangling while trying to score vertical goals. The perfect sport for folks with way too much spare time, and not a lot of reason to live.

Here’s the thing. I’m not worried about the players. Guys like this, if they weren’t doing this particular stupid thing, would be doing some other stupid thing. The people I worry about are the innocent passers-by down below. Someday, one of them is going to be flattened by a falling vertical soccer player, and what a very humiliating obituary that’s going to make.

Coming next week, Vertical Bowling.

vertical-1-360.jpgA man tries to score on a vertical soccer field during a public viewing event at Munich’s airport June 29, 2008.  REUTERS/Michaela Rehle

Pay up, you old goat!

Photo

goat-cap-180.jpgBlog Guy, we’re raising money for charity. Should we hold a car wash?

Have you thought about a goat wash? You can do two at a time, as the photo below shows. Dirty goat owners would flock to you.

We live in an upscale suburban neighborhood. Most of the goats here are already clean.

Hey! Follow that orange!

Photo

dutch-faces.jpgThis is a public service warning. If you know any Dutch people, you need to be very, very, careful not to confuse them.

This became obvious after a a bunch of Dutch soccer fans at Euro 2008 followed a Swiss railway worker onto the tracks because they mistook his orange reflective vest for their traditional orange dress. I’m not making this up. It seems the idea that train tracks might be a wacky spot for a soccer match just didn’t occur to them.

And the fastest-growing stupid sport is…

Photo

destruction-tv-160.jpgBlog Guy, help settle an argument. What is the fastest-growing sport in the world?

That’s easy. Appliance Golf. You know, it’s a lot like regular golf, but players use sledgehammers instead of golf clubs, and they use washers, refrigerators and televisions instead of balls.

Gimme a C! Gimme an H! Gimme a sexy outfit!

Photo

dream-combo-180.jpgQuick quiz: The women below are…

a) Weather ladies on a local TV news show
b) Berry Girls at a strawberry shortcake festival
c) Cheerleaders

They are Chinese cheerleaders. I was surprised too, since this isn’t how most guys think cheerleaders should look. I’m pretty sure these outfits were patterned after the ones worn by Puritan cheerleaders at the Salem witch trials, but clearly the designer also was influenced by “I Dream of Jeannie” reruns.

Go ahead Doc, it’s only my eye!

Photo

lens-2-160.jpgThese days, I’m being treated to a flood of photos showing what people will do to themselves to support their favorite team at Euro 2008. Yesterday, you saw a couple of the haircuts, but it gets a lot worse than that.

I have to wonder what sort of conversation took place before this guy in Basel, the city of my ancestry, jammed a Swiss flag contact lens into his eye.

Take your stylist to the cleaners!

Photo

hair-nest-200.jpgWelcome to a feature we call “Can I sue my freaking hairdresser?” Folks send us photos of God-awful hair, and we give legal advice.

We’re getting queries from soccer fans who went too far for Euro 2008. Sports-related bad haircuts are always thrown out, so these three below are out of luck. Oh, my mistake - the lady with red hair turns out to be an actual model, at a Hair Expo, so she can sue and will win big.

You can’t HANDLE the ball!

Photo

jack-crop-140.jpgJack Nicholson reprises his role as Colonel Nathan R. Jessep in the highly anticipated revival of the play A Few Good Men.

The play is set to open on Broadway in… Oops, sorry, this is sort of embarrassing. It turns out Nicholson isn’t seen here performing the tense, explosive courtroom scene, he’s just attending a Lakers game last night.

‘Lock and load’ means it’s safe, right?

Photo

pistol-140.jpgNote to photographers: With some major sporting events coming up involving guns, it has been brought to my attention that we need to fine-tune the way we photograph such things.  

You take this skeet shooting photo below. You could have shot it from behind, from the side, from an overhead vantage point… But if you can see the round holes where the shotgun pellets come out, you’re doing something wrong.

The reign in Spain is staring at the ring…

Photo

king-cap-180.jpgOh what have I done? I just came here to wear a funny costume and torture poor animals, but now the KING is here! I’m SURE it’s the king, I’ve seen him on television!

I should give him something. He’s the king! I could hurl my shiny sword at him, but you can get in trouble for doing that… They would call me “The Stupid One.”