Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

And the Sportsman of the Century was…

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It’s a vintage Rolls Royce convertible, bristling with firepower. A mounted machine gun, a Lantaka swivel cannon, a double-barrel high-caliber Howdah pistol. And it used to belong to James Bond, right?

Nope, it just belonged to some dumbass.

Readers of this blog know I’m always amazed that people will spend tons of money to own stuff touched by a genuine dumbass. A Jesse James autograph, Lee Harvey Oswald’s coffin, Bernie Madoff’s underwear.

Well now, for $1,000,000 or so you can bid on the car that the Maharaja of Kotah hunted Bengal tigers in during the last century.

I’ll just let that sink in for a minute. The man hunted tigers from the comfort of a Rolls Royce.

No, wait! I wanted the FUN seats!

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Blog Guy, I’m a faithful reader of your blog and I’m hoping you can use your influence to get me tickets to the Copa America soccer matches now underway in Argentina.

Is there any chance you can get me in Paraguay’s section?

I guess I could pull a few strings. Let’s see, looks like I can put you in Peru’s section, in some really fine seats.

Big trouble when the chips are down?

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Oh Dear Lord, tell me this isn’t happening!

I just wanted to watch some tennis, so I called the boss on our busiest day of the year and said I was sick with projectile vomiting, impacted wisdom teeth, temporary insanity and a fever of 106…

Then I got to my seat, and who’s right in front of me? The fricking PRIME MINISTER!

Could you resist the temptation?

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Blog Guy, you seem to be dropping the ball on Stupid Sports, which used to be one of your main coverage areas. Come on, there must be SOMETHING goofy going on among the world’s athletes!

You’re right, this is the season for Traction Distraction Racing, and I have to say…

There’s a HoJo’s at 20,000 feet…

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Blog Guy, I see you’re finally back from vacation. So now can you tell us where you really went?

Yes. My pal Apa Sherpa and I went up Mount Everest. It was his 21st time, so it was a big deal.

Maybe they’re just grimacing in pain?

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bodybuilders bikinis this 490

People, we know why we’re here. Our public relations firm has been hired by a bodybuilding association to improve their image, since focus groups tend to describe bodybuilders asĀ  freakish, grotesque, disgusting and hideous.

bodybuilder vertical this 240So. Who’s got some ideas. Lamar, you raised your hand?

Yeah Boss, I’ve got a suggestion. I think if we just got them to smile all the time while they’re onstage, people wouldn’t notice the rest of it.

Shooting through a glass, darkly…

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girlfriends combo 490

Johnson, get your butt into my office! You call yourself a news photographer?

girlfriend 4 side 220Jeez, Boss, I thought I was doing better. What’s wrong?

I send you out to cover Formula One racing over the weekend, and you come back with shots of cars?

Look at this crap! Cars having wrecks, cars on fire, cars flying through the air…

Is that chewing tobacco on my carpet?

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lookalike cutout 490

Sit down, Joe, I need to have a little talk with you.

lookalike cutout vertical 240Sure Boss, what is it?

I’ve heard reports that some of our lookalikes are fraternizing with the cutouts. I think you know we have a strict policy against that.

I can’t help myself, Boss. She’s just so tempting.

Then maybe you’re not cutout to be a lookalike, Joe.

But Boss! I’m the poster boy for lookalikes!

Well, you are a dead ringer for a dead player, I’ll give you that.

I sure am, Boss. I’m the – haaaaaarrrracchhhhhh – spitting image!

Different spokes for different folks?

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CYCLING/

Blog Guy, I have a question about bicycle racing. I saw pictures recently where it looked like the tires the racers were using didn’t even have any spokes. Is that possible?

bike tires 320Yeah, maybe. Anything’s possible.

Really? That’s your answer? Where did you get such detailed, elaborate information?

Going out on a limb for readers?

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MOTOR-RACING/

Blog Guy, are you still doing those fantasy shots for your blog readers?

Yes, if they are interesting and have some artistic value. What are you looking for?

MOTOR-RACING/I’d like a shot of eight or nine chicks with long, shapely legs to die for, wearing stiletto heels.