Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

So the bulls really die laughing?

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Hey, Blog Guy! I was wondering, in a real bullfight, what is it that gets the bull to attack the matador? I’m assuming it’s the red cape, right?

Well, that’s what some people think, but not me.

Have you ever looked at the faces these matadors make in the ring? If you were face to face with one and you had two big sharp horns with you, what would YOU do with them? I mean, it’s not even a close call!

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matadors-2-360.jpgREUTERS photos

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This isn’t a SWIMSUIT?

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bulllfighter-legs-160.jpgClancy was mortified. WHY had he believed that salesman who said sissy clothes would be THE LOOK for the beach this season? Liar, liar, pants on fire!

So now, endless miles of Caribbean sand, and Clancy is the only one wearing gold braid and fuzzy epaulettes. The other guys are wearing flip-flops, not fuschia socks and dancing shoes like his.

Certs is a breath mint! No! It’s a candy mint!

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These folks throwing punches at each other are:

    Hillary Clinton supporters whomping on elitists South Korean lawmakers, in session Battlestar Gallactica fans arguing over the fifth Cylon Spectators at a Davis Cup tennis match

Yeah, I was shocked by this one, but it is indeed tennis fans. Their scuffle was  possibly the most unexpected violence since that outburst at the Boston Pops.  What started it? A dispute over the proper length of a Bloody Mary celery stalk.

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fight-360.jpgSpectators fight in the stands during a Davis Cup World Group tennis match in Buenos Aires April 13, 2008. REUTERS/Marcos Brindicci

I guess we’re playing stud?

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Blog Guy, I’ve heard there is a kind of poker played with live, gun-toting  troops.

cards-140.jpgThat’s ”Neck Deck Poker,” or “Ante Maim,” where 52  armed soldiers each have one card behind their head. They jump in a pile and roll around, to “shuffle” the deck.  Then they put money in the pot and form poker hands. This pair of deuces is going for a full house, which…

Couch potato scuba! Yeah, baby!

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Welcome to a new Great Challenges in Advertising. Think scuba diving, what comes to mind? Crystal waters, coral reefs, Barbados, Hawaii…. But Siberia, not so much? We need to change that. Bring people around.

Look at the photo. What are the strengths of Siberia’s scuba diving? That’s right, it’s convenient. Good! You can do it downtown! No boring tropical boat rides. And, they have chairs! You haven’t really experienced scuba until you’ve done it from a chair!

My sword is at home on the sofa!

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bullfight-face-160.jpgOh, what have I done? Mom wanted me to be a chiropractor, but no! I knew better! Mister Smarty-Pants just HAD to be a matador!

So here I am, dressed like Elton John, in front of all these boobs who came to see blood. They expect me to take my sword and… Caramba! I left my sword at home, on the sofa! Under my CAPE! Can anything ELSE go wrong today?

Meester bool, you are SO ugly!

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bullfighter-face-160.jpgBlog Guy, I know you’ve said bullfighting isn’t a wise career choice for college seniors, but the profession still intrigues me. Isn’t there anything in the pointless animal torture field that might suit me?

Look, there’s more to a career than silly outfits. You might consider becoming a creepador. As you can see in this photo, this furtive fellow works in the shadows, irritating the bull with whispered slurs and insults, mostly recycled Don Rickles material. 

Hello, I am looking for bombers…

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bombers-140.jpgBlog Guy, it’s well known that you are a man of the world. I plan to visit Japan soon, and since I don’t speak the language. I’m wondering if there are any quick shortcuts.

Well, I gather from this photo of the Japanese cheerleading championships that their word for “bombers” is surprisingly similar to ours. So I guess you could go around and wave at people and shout out a friendly, “Sayonara, bombers!”

Kind of a waste of clay pigeons, no?

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It turns out India’s marksmen are threatening to boycott the upcoming Olympics because they have a shortage of ammunition for training. You can read about it in Marksmen fed up with shooting blanks.

I could see where this may be demoralizing. Oh sure, at first it’s great, just pretending to have bullets. “Hey Floyd! Fantastic! You didn’t miss anything! But you need to improve on pointing your fingers, and you have to make more realistic shooting sounds with your mouth…”

Now that’s sumpthin’ you don’t see at every race…

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Okay boys, let’s analyze this-here thing and figure out what went so horribly wrong.

Eddie, your job was to hoist the driver up 50 feet with that crane, so he could do a back drop, land in his car and speed off, right? Check. Roy, you were sposed to fill the interior with special foam padding and feathers to cushion the landing? Check.