Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

The creepiest photo of all time?

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NFL-SUPERBOWL/

What’s the matter, Blog Guy? You look very upset.

It’s my eyes. I saw something I shouldn’t have. Probably the creepiest photo I’ve ever seen in my whole life. The pain won’t go away.

superbowl crop 260Wow! Do tell.

The best way I can describe it is, say I sat for hours and made a list of all the things that I think make this a wonderful country, right?

Okay. And how many of those things are in the photo you mentioned?

Not one.

Ah, I see. Still, that one sign says, “The Lord is Coming.” That’s pretty good news, right?

Not if this is what he finds when he gets here, it isn’t…

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A Green Bay Packers fan drinks a beer as he walks past religious protesters while on his way to the Super Bowl in Arlington, Texas, February 6, 2011. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

Maybe you just shouldn’t be watching

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BRITAIN/

Quick quiz: The visibly upset folks in these photos are…

TENNIS-OPEN/a) Trying to watch the Angelina Jolie/Johnny Depp movie, “The Tourist”

b) Avoiding eye contact with a waitress bringing the check

c) Discovering after four hours at the bar that today isn’t a snow day, after all

Dakar, Boss, Dakar!

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RALLY/

Blog Guy, I get all my goofy sports news from your blog, and I’m wondering what you consider the most bizarre sport on earth?

Probably the Dakar Rally, which is underway now in South America.

RALLY/What do you find so goofy about it?

You name it. We have more than 400 photos of the event, which has been going on for weeks, but they almost never show more than one vehicle at a time. You don’t know who’s pulling ahead, who’s falling behind, or if there even IS an ahead or a behind.

Goofy beyond all words…

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KAZAKHSTAN/

Blog Guy, recently I visited your popular Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, and I bought several of your academic treatises on goofy photography in your gift shop. I read them all, even your 600-page “Goofy Prehistoric Cave Paintings and Stuff like that.”

almaty crop 240So what? We don’t give refunds. You can’t prove you bought that stuff at our museum, and besides, there’s no law against calling myself “Doctor” on the cover of some book.

Putting the goofy back in tennis

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goofy tennis combo 490

Blog Guy, may I ask a question about tennis?

goofy tennis banana 220I don’t see why not.

You used to show a lot of pictures of tennis players making goofy faces, but then I recall you got in big trouble for that. So I guess you can’t run those here anymore?

I was fully vindicated. When I stopped featuring goofy tennis faces in my blog, global interest in the sport plummeted.

Cavort until you’re blue in the face…

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NETHERLANDS-WEATHER/

Okay Lamar, this was your really big chance. How many guys get to plan the entire Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, huh?

sports illustrated vertical 180This is the magazine everybody waits for, so pass around those proofs and show us what you did.

A great year to be a dumbass!

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PAKISTAN/

As you may have noticed, 2010 was quite a year for dumbasses.

It seems like they were everywhere. Celebrities, sports figures, politicians, and just regular dumbasses as well, the kind who might live next door to you.

dumbass sheen 240Until recently the victims of widespread discrimination, dumbasses now seem to be not only accepted, but even in vogue. Look at any “talking head” news show on TV.

So this is the whole show?

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SPAIN/

Johnson, get your butt in my office! You call yourself a news photographer?

What did I do wrong this time, Boss?

paris madrid combo 340I sent you out to cover that Paris Hilton motorcycle thing, right? And how many shots did you get?

Eighteen, Boss.

Did your camera break? You don’t think Paris Hilton bursting out of her pink jumpsuit is worth more than a paltry 18 shots? Did you get a picture of her pouting in sunglasses?

You’re losin’ to a shrub, Bub!

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potted plant legs 490

Blog Guy, I’ve heard that you set up test races and stuff like that, so your readers can bet on what beats what? Do you still do those?

GAMES-ASIAN/Sure. I still have a little money left in my budget for the year. What would you like to see?

Why I never leave home…

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melbourne cup 490

Blog Guy, don’t make any plans for tomorrow. I have tickets for us to go see…

melbourne women 320Let me stop you right there. Thanks, that’s very thoughtful, but I’ve already seen it.