Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

An Olympic sport I could do myself….

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Blog Guy, are you following the Olympics?

wacky combo vertical 200You mean that big thing where Chemmy Alcott is?

Uh, yes. That thing.

You know, most of the Winter Olympics events just don’t interest me, but I always do enjoy the Wacky Physical Humor competition.

Ever since Chevy Chase won the gold medal in the first Stooge-athalon event at the 1980 Olympics in Lake Placid, I’ve been a sucker for the pratfall and slapstick competition.

Why do you think you like that part of it so much, Blog Guy?

I think it’s because it’s something I can do myself, which isn’t true of any of those other sports.

Oh, I’m not saying I could do it as well as the trained athletes you see here, but by God, if I wanted to, I could go out there and fall on the ice over and over, until I was butt-sore and toothless.

Sweaty sport is all pawn, no brawn

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Blog Guy, you used to be so good at covering stupid sports, but not lately. Come on! Your blog is the only place we can go to read about the really offbeat sports the big networks don’t want us to see!

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That’s a fair point. Let me make it up to you with Flop Sweat Chess.

Excuse me?

Yeah, these guys are playing chess in a thermal bath, as you can see by the thick presence of steam and vapor and perspiration.

The place to go when you really NEED to pull a head off!

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I  just don’t get it about Spain. Those people over there only seem to be entertained if they’re doing something twisted to animals, live or dead.

I’ve blogged endlessly about bullfighting, the sport of psychopaths, and about those louts who run with the bulls in Pamplona. The bulls never catch a break in either of those activities.

Sorry pal, the bathroom’s busy today!

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Oh Lord, now I’ve REALLY done it!

PERU/I had to go and have three cups of coffee this morning at a place where the only men’s room is the site of the Bathroom Bodybuilding Competition, popularly known as “Pottybuilding.”

Pottybuilding! Of all the stupid sports!

And it sure doesn’t help that I took a harsh laxative last night before going to bed.

You’ve reached the Weekend White House, your call is important to us…

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RING-RING! RING-RING!

OBAMA/Hello, you’ve reached the Weekend White House. Your call is important to us…

Hello, may I speak to President Obama please?

Oh I’m sorry, but it’s Saturday. President Obama is at  his weekend job, doing college basketball commentary.

Go on, stab me! I double-dare you!

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soccer vest 260Ever wonder what a conversation between total dumbasses sounds like? Let’s listen in….

“Hey Earl! I know we’re planning on going to the World Cup in June, but I heard they have 50 murders a day down there in South Africa….”

The crying game?

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Blog Guy, recently you wrote about teargas tennis. I believe you said that was the most popular of all of the so-called Stupid Teargas Sports. Is that still the case?

PALESTINIAN-ISRAEL/

No, teargas handball has just overtaken teargas tennis in popularity. It’s a fast-action thrill ride unlike any other.

TV in other lands: don’t vouch for the couch…

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Blog Guy, I guess I watch way too much junk television, because I don’t really know what’s going on with other cultures around the world.  Can  you answer a question for me?

Sigh. I was afraid this would happen once I got tagged as an educational blog. Sure, go ahead.

The grossest picture of the year so far?

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Blog Guy, I know you hate all those photos of people starved for attention, who take icy “polar bear” swims in the winter. But I heard that during one of those swims, in Canada…

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Let me stop you right there. It’s true, the fabled Eugene “Toilethead” Johnson made a surprise appearance, arriving at the beach by swimming up through a public toilet. A very dirty public toilet, it seems.

Sumo-size me!

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JAPAN/

Ladies, welcome to our show! You’re in for quite a treat tonight!

JAPAN/Those of you who have seen our Chippendales Dancers perform in the past probably noticed they were great-looking guys, but were a little too thin and buff and muscular.

Many of you complained about this, so we went ahead and increased their meal rations to 4,000 calories a day, most of it deep-fried.