Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

The best goofy but true stories from 2011

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As I said recently in a post which began a countdown to tomorrow’s final entry in this blog, one of the things I have enjoyed most is presenting stories that are goofy but true.

Sure, it’s fun to make up funny stuff and riff on news photos, but real life often finds a way to top me.

Here are my seven favorite TRUE stories featured in my blog this year.

7. Come over to my yard for a fling?

We’ve had fun with an epidemic of consumer product recalls this year, but I still break out laughing over this one, a hammock that was recalled because its wooden stand may break ““if left outdoors.”

6. Wouldn’t hanging them be more humane?

What can I say? A prison program designed to rehabilitate prisoners by teaching them to play the bagpipes.

You’ve got till tomorrow to pay up, pal…

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Blog Guy, I know you’re following the New Hampshire primary closely for your readers. All state primaries follow pretty much the same format, right?

Not at all. The New Hampshire race mainly involves a series of physical challenges between hopefuls and local voters. The one who wins the most fights wins the primary.

Sorry, you’re not my type…

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Hey Blog Guy, it’s me!

Who?

Me! The guy who talks to you in italics so you can carry on pretend conversations in your blog everyday.

You really EXIST? I always thought those conversations were just voices in my head.

Get whiter teeth, with twice the pain

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Blog Guy, I read about a place in France that has made great strides in whitening teeth. Can you tell me more?

You’re in luck. I don’t actually read French, but then again I can make up stuff from looking at photos no matter where they were taken.

The worst fashions? Manure couture…

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Blog Guy, I mainly come here for your coverage of really bad fashion. You do show us ALL the worst creations, right?

Of course I do. Except the stuff I need to protect my readers from, of course. But everything else gets…

Well, look who’s behind bars!

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Blog Guy, I know you cover all the big fashion shows, and my sister-in-law’s ventriloquist told me there were some HUGE celebs at Lisbon Fashion Week this year. Can you give us some names?

I can do much better than that, I can show you pictures. Here is you-know-who, above, making a very rare public appearance…

Then, with flames licking at her heels…

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Okay, Lamar, I put you in charge of designing our whole new line of women’s shoes, so show us what you came up with.

Here you go, Boss, behold the new Feet of Fire collection.

It’s everything the young professional woman needs. These flaming tail fins send the message, “Watch out, world, my feet are on fire and I’m stopping for nobody!”

I’ve got all your spam, Ronald!

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Believe it or not, I’ve found something even more irritating than getting spam.

Getting SOMEBODY ELSE’S spam.

Just when I thought unwanted e-mails couldn’t get any stupider, along come some spammers mistaking me for a guy named RONALD Basler. The actual screen grab above shows just a small sampling of the offers Ronald is getting at my e-mail address.

Get my cell phone, Hon, it’s in the toilet…

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Blog Guy, like most of your readers, I come here for news about toilets, which you cover better than anybody else. I was wondering, are women’s bathroom habits any different from men’s, apart from the obvious?

They may be, judging from a new survey of women.  Among other things, the survey asked about items that women accidentally drop in the toilet. Money, jewelry, medicine, toothbrushes…

Is that Pig Latin, Mr. President?

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Blog Guy, I was surprised to see you missed “Talk Like a Pirate Day” this week. It was fun!

Oh please. All that “ahoy” and “matey” stuff? Sorry, I waited for today instead, when we talk like presidential pirates.