Good morning, Mr. Johnson! Thank you for choosing to fly with us to Milwaukee today, with stops in Knoxville and Fargo.

May I see some photo ID, Mr. Johnson? Hmmm. Well, I guess that’s close enough.

Did you pack all your own luggage today, Mr. Johnson? Did anyone give you anything suspicious? Nope? Great!

Okey-dokey. I’m gonna give you an aisle seat because this is a small plane, and well, other passengers might beat you to death in a window seat.

What line of work are you in? Selling homemade lunch meat door-to-door, huh? Well, folks are always gonna need lunchmeat, right?

Here’s your boarding pass, and you have a good one! Is that Mrs. Johnson I see coming this way? Oh, just call it a hunch….

Be average! Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Left: A model displays a creation by designer Ekaterina Krivosheina during an international avantgarde fashion contest at the University of Technology and Design in St. Petersburg, Russia, November 5, 2009.

Right: A model displays a creation by designer Elena Sukhodoeva during the St. Petersburg show.

REUTERS photos by Alexander Demianchuk

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, what do you think of the huge musical news for this season?

It’s amazing, huh?

I’ll say! Who ever would have thought, a Bob Dylan Christmas CD!

Oh, that. I thought you were talking about those European soccer coaches recording all the great Righteous Brothers hits - “Unchained Melody,” “You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feelin’,” etc… Those coaches can really belt it out.

Soccer coaches? Righteous Brothers? This is just too stupid, even for you!

Fine, but I’ve already pre-ordered mine. It’s a tribute to Phil Spector, the Righteous Brothers’ legendary producer who of course is now in prison for murder.

I’m sure I’ll regret this. I already do. What’s this Spector tribute CD called?

“Chained Melody,” of course.

join the Oddly Enough blog network

Tweat yourself to this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Top: FC Zurich’s coach Bernard Challandes reacts at the end of their Champions League soccer match against Olympique Marseille at the Velodrome Stadium in Marseille, November 3, 2009. REUTERS/Philippe Laurenson

Combo: Assorted soccer coaches and managers. REUTERS photos

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, I know you sometimes set up fantasy photos and video shots for your readers. Any money left in your 2009 budget for that stuff?

Yeah, maybe $200,000 or so. That’s a lot. What do you want to see?

I’m a forklift freak. I’ve always wondered how it would look if a really inept forklift driver destroyed a whole warehouse full of booze. I mean, I want it REALLY action-packed!

Hmmm. I know a guy in Russia who can set that up, but we’ve only got one shot at it. In your fantasy, what color is the forklift?

Yellow. For sure.

Can the bottles just have colored water in them?

No chance. It has to be booze or it won’t be realistic.

And all the bottles cave in on the forklift driver? That means I’ll need a stunt guy. This is really gonna cost.

Okay, here it is. I hope you love it, because it wiped out the whole rest of my budget. Enjoy.

Wow, I can’t wait! I’m gonna turn the sound all the way up - it’ll be AWESOME!

Er… You wanted sound?

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow my blog on Twitter at rbasler

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Gather around, fashion show staff, I’ve found a new way to cut costs for the big show. It may be even better than our earlier measures, like using dead models, hiring dog groomers as stylists and raccoons to do makeup…

Now keep an open mind. You all remember that tragedy last year when they held a fashion show in a steam pipe factory, and there was an explosion, and the models ended up with big sections of pipe through their heads?

Well, those plucky gals want to return to modeling, but… How shall I put this? They’re not quite as attractive as models who DON’T have plumbing materials piercing their skulls.

These chicks will work for free, just to get back on the runway, so if we can just design outfits around them we’ll save a fortune!

Lonnie, check into getting the dressing room doors widened a bit for us, okay? Let’s give these poor girls another chance!

Dare to dream. Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Tweat yourself to this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Models present creations by Kazakhstan’s Kenje design house during Kazakhstan Fashion Week in Almaty, October 30, 2009. REUTERS/Shamil Zhumatov

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, I’m outraged. Connect me to your blog’s complaint department!

Hello, this is the Odd Blog Complaint Department. Your call is important to us…

Look here, I think this Basler guy ran a photo of Usain Bolt and a cheetah cub for the SOLE purpose of justifying a cheap pun headline playing off of a hit song from 1966!

I see. And you somehow expected more from this blog?

Yes. Usually Bob would only use a cheetah picture if the animal was pooping or something like that.

Let me get this straight. You’d LIKE to see a photo of a pooping cheetah?

Um, yes. That’s the main reason most of us come to this blog.

Okay then, ma’am. Because we care about customer satisfaction, here you go.

Wow! I AM satisfied. I’ll be back soon, and I’ll bring my friends! Tell Bob thanks a lot!

Live large. Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Tweat yourself to this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Above: Olympic and world champion sprinter Usain Bolt from Jamaica holds a three-month-old male cheetah cub at the Kenya Wildlife Service headquarters in Nairobi, November 2, 2009. Bolt adopted the cheetah cub named “Lightning Bolt” during the launch of the Animal Adoption Programme “Namayiana” at the Nairobi Animal Orphanage.

Below: A cheetah relieves itself in its cage at the KWS headquarters.

REUTERS photos by Thomas Mukoya

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Lamar, the big race starts in less than an hour! Where are the jockeys?

They’re coming, Boss!

Are they ready? Did they prepare for the race?

You betcha, Boss! They spent all night drinking!

That’s good. Drinking alcohol?

Of COURSE alcohol, Boss! What ELSE would you drink before the big race?

Just checkin’, Lamar. And did they wear themselves out?

For sure! They danced non-stop. Can’t even keep their eyes open!

Ah, there they are now, Lamar! I can see ‘em trying to find the stable…

It’s a grand sight, isn’t it, Lamar! On a morning like this, with the sun comin’ up over the puke-filled mud and the jockeys staggerin’ this way in their finery, if you squint just a bit you’d think you’re at the Royal Ascot Races.

Be better than other people. Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Tweat yourself to this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Riders finish a night of drinking alcohol and dancing before a traditional horse race on All Saints Day in Todos Santos, Guatemala, November 1, 2009. REUTERS/Daniel LeClair

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Color me embarrassed. We had a PRETTY BAD error on our file, and is our policy, we had to publicly correct it. It seems we reported that Bulgarian prosecutors are investigating a new gambling game in which drivers defy death by speeding through red lights for bets of up to $2,200.

In a game known as ‘Russian road roulette,’ the driver must jump red lights at busy intersections at high speed and not crash into any other cars or pedestrians.

Imagine doing something that stupid for $2,200!

Well, it soon became clear we had it all wrong. It turned out, drivers are playing this game for bets of up to $7,400, which is a lot different from doing it just for chump change like $2,200.

But as insane as this game still sounds, the most amazing part to me is that according to our story, ONLOOKERS bet on the outcome, too!

“Hey Lamar, look! They’re havin’ one of those Russian road roulette games right here! Think we should get the hell out of the way to save ourselves?”

“Not so fast, Clancy! I’ll bet you $200 that red Mustang misses that pedestrian in the Hawaiian shirt… Oops! Well, we didn’t shake on it, Clancy…”

Go for the gold. Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Tweat yourself to this blog on Twitter at rbasler

These are just random photos of Bulgarian traffic carnage, not connected to Russian Road Roulette.

Above: Drivers and members of the Bulgarian security service confer after the leading car of the motorcade of the visiting Maltese President Guido de Marco collided with a truck near the village of Mursalevo in a 2001 file photo. REUTERS

Below: A Bulgarian firefighter tries to extinguish a burning taxi whose propane gas tank had caught fire on a motorway in central Sofia in a 2005 file photo. REUTERS

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Quick quiz: If you’re a jittery driver, what’s a good way to steady your nerves before you hit the road?

• get plenty of sleep
• practice meditation
• think soothing, happy thoughts
• enjoy a refreshing alcoholic beverage

Yeah, I thought that last one was pretty lame myself, but it turns out a politician from Ireland’s governing party has said “jumpy” drivers might benefit from having a relaxing alcoholic drink to steady their nerves.

I am not making this up.

See, Ireland is debating whether to cut the legal blood alcohol content limit for motorists, and some members of parliament oppose lowering the limit which would rule out a traditional Irish pint of Guinness for those driving.

“If drink is such a sedative, it can make people who are jumpy on the road, or nervous, be more relaxed,” said Mattie McGrath, Fianna Fail’s Tipperary South representative.

Right, Mattie. Maybe you’ll be lucky enough to be crossing the street someday  when one of those really relaxed drivers comes along.

Dare to dream. Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Tweat yourself to this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Above: Guinness Chairman Tony Greener sips from a giant eight pint glass of stout to publicize his company’s earnings announcement in a 1997 file photo. REUTERS/Chris Helgren

Below: A racegoer holds a pint of Guinness on St Patrick’s Day on the third day of the Cheltenham National Hunt Festival in a 2005 file photo. REUTERS/Mike Finn-Kelcey

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, you’ve been great about career advice, especially offering tips to help figure out if people may have chosen the wrong line of work. Keep it coming, please.

Sure. Are you leaving on a business trip? Take off your clothes, look in a full-length mirror and count the number of live python snakes you see taped to your body in stockings.

If it’s more than say, two or three, maybe you should be looking on monster.com for a new job.

Pythons?  What kind of imbecile would tape that many pythons to his body?

The Norwegian kind of imbecile. Customs officials stopped a guy with a tarantula in his bag, so they decided to give him the full body treatment. They found FOURTEEN pythons taped to him.

Yikes! I wonder why he didn’t go for 20?

Because that would have gotten in the way of the 10 lizards hidden in cans that were also taped to him.

Blog Guy, you like this story, don’t you? And if I know you, you’re holding back something that’s even better.

Well yes, there was a wonderful quote in one of the papers that covered the story.

An official was quoted as saying,  “Customs officers quickly realized the man was smuggling animals, because his whole body was in constant motion.”

Duh, I guess it would be! Well, here’s your problem right here, sir!

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Tweat yourself to this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Top left: A customs officer presents a live chameleon during a news conference in a 2007 file photo. Customs officers displayed various items and reptiles that had been confiscated while being illegally smuggled into Germany. REUTERS/Alex Grimm

Top right: Australian native geckos concealed in a hollowed out book which were seized by Customs officials are seen in a 2008 photo. REUTERS/Australian Customs/Handout

Right: A zookeeper measures a royal python during animal stock-taking at the Zoo in Hanover, Germany, in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Fabrizio Bensch (GERMANY)

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, I hate to complain, but you used to do a much better job of covering stupid sports around the world. Many of us come here to see athletic events that are too twisted and ignorant for other media to cover. Anything new?

As a matter of fact, yes. I’ve really been getting into teargas sports. You know, teargas soccer, teargas baseball and the fastest-growing, teargas tennis.

Really? What do you like about teargas tennis?

Well for one thing, there is never any question of flawed calls from an umpire. When that teargas grenade goes off on your side of the net, you know it, as you can see in these photos of players.

And as the photo above shows, it takes a steady hand to whack that canister back over the barb wire “net” before it explodes.

Thanks, Blog Guy! Now this is the sort of stupidity we’ve come to expect from your blog. And what would you say is your very favorite part of a teargas tennis game?

That’s easy. I love the part where the winners try to jump over the wire net to congratulate their opponent. Talk about your great moments in sports…

Waste your life. join the Oddly Enough blog network

Tweat yourself to this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Above: A Palestinian demonstrator uses a tennis racket to return an empty tear gas canister at Israeli soldiers during a protest against the controversial Israeli barrier in the West Bank village of Bilin near Ramallah October 23, 2009. REUTERS/Yannis Behrakis

Below: Assorted tennis players, REUTERS photos

More stuff from Oddly Enough