Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, my daughter just got a degree in creative writing and film studies. Any suggestions for a job?
Sure. Increasingly, people in nice big houses are hiring human door knockers to hang on their front doors, as kind of a status thing. You get to work with people and be outdoors.
Isn’t it just for guys?
No, there are some young women in the profession. They call themselves “doorbelles.”
Who do the knockers take orders from?
That makes sense. How does the job work?
Folks come up to the door and say, “Knock knock.” Then the human door knocker says, “Who’s there?”
Blog Guy, it’s me, the private detective you hired to track down your birth family when you found out you were adopted. I have great news for you!
I’ve found your family and I’m sending photos of your closest relatives, including your two brothers, in this picture at the top.
Blog Guy, I know you’re a serious foodie, and I have a kitchen appliance question.
Sure. Williams-Sonoma, about $200.00.
Excuse me? I didn’t even ask the question yet.
It doesn’t matter. Just go to their Website and you’ll find an expensive electrical appliance for every job you have in the kitchen.
Welcome back to our regular feature, Human Remains in the News.
It seems burglars tried snorting the cremated remains of a man and two dogs, taken from a Florida home, in the mistaken belief that the ashes were drugs.
I swear I am not making this up. The ashes were stolen a month ago, along with some other stuff, and police learned about the snorting this week when they arrested five teens in connection with another burglary attempt.
Blog Guy, you’ve helped lots of people with unusual fashion needs, and I hope you can do something for me. I’m an attractive woman who was born with no neck.
You mean you have a very short neck, right?
No. I have no visible neck whatever. Damnedest thing you ever saw. Just a torso with a head on it. I mean, I can’t even look left and right at traffic lights.
Blog Guy, I’ve been reading your blog for some time now. You strike me as a deep thinker, a philosopher, a guy who ponders heavy concepts in the middle of the night. Am I right?
Hey Blog Guy, I came by your house this morning but you weren’t at home.
No, sorry, I had a craving for navel oranges and went to the market.
Ah. Was it a fruitful trip?
No. Sadly, my quest for oranges was fruitless.
Why are oranges in short supply?
I believe there’s a navel blockade.
You mean a naval blockade, don’t you?
No, they’re blockading navel oranges on the highways, not on the waterways, so it’s not a naval navel blockade.
What about grapefruit?
That’s a second-rate citrate.
So what did you do, Blog Guy?
Well, you know my philosophy: when life hands you lemons, write a really dumb blog about oranges and then go have doughnuts.
Blog Guy, I notice some of your readers submit their comments in haiku and limericks, and a couple of times you’ve done entire blog posts in verse.
Sure. I’m not averse to verse. That would be perverse. I’m a versatile pro, and pros write prose and vice versa.
Blog Guy, it’s a new year, so that means your budget for setting up fantasy photos for readers has been replenished, right?
Yes, and Reuters gave me a whopping increase, so this year’s shots should be spectacular. Step right up and spend my money, sir.