Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Live up to your employer’s expectations!

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I wish the news media would think twice about the impact of stories they run. You take this news item about a survey that found more than half of private small company executives EXPECT employees to steal something of value within the next year.

NHL

Indeed, the survey found bosses EXPECT their workers to be much worse than they really are.

As a blogger with an office in my own house, I know only too well how this works. I’ve come home to scenes like the one above, with Lamar, Lonnie and the rest of my staff making off with my sofa, my dining room table, my refrigerator…

AUTOSHOW/Really, Lamar? You didn’t think I’d notice? And which one of you stole my trash bag full of silver spoons that I collected from famous restaurants?

Legumes and goobers and tubers, oh my!

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veg combo 490

Blog Guy, you’ve helped other readers with their photo collections. I recall the guy who collects pictures of dancing presidents, and the one who asked for shots of rich folks eating ice cream.

veg michelle potato new 280Frankly, as a serious collector, both of those guys sound pretty weird to me.

I see. And what do you collect?

Photos of important people with vegetables. Here’s part of my collection, including my pride and joy, former President George Bush holding a can of Bush’s Baked Beans. That one is worth a fortune.

Ax murderer? I’ll just tick Self-Employed!

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RUSSIA/

I’m sorry, I just can’t stop laughing at this one. We have this series of photos showing census-takers conducting a general census of the population of a male prison camp in Siberia.

Excuse me? Shouldn’t the authorities already KNOW how many people they have in a prison, and who they are and everything?

Handlebars are for weenies…

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MOTORCYCLING-PRIX/

Blog Guy, as an avid fan of stupid sports, I loved your recent item on that Big Honking Barbell Catch. But tell us, what’s going on with Stupid Motorcycling?

MOTORCYCLING-PRIX/Good question. Of course it’s that time of year for Hands-Free Motorcycle Racing, a 150-mph thrill-fest that makes riders who actually grip their handlebars seem like total crybabies.

Fashion and trashin’ in Oinktown

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UKRAINE-FASHION/

Lamar, I thought you said we were having our fashion show in the underground parking garage to save money. But it says here we’ll be on the real runway. We’re not made of money.

Boss, I’m all over it. I got us the cheapest spot. They’re practically paying us to take it!

Six-letter word, means to pester or nag

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Faithful readers will recall that I have mentioned the University of Wisconsin Alumni Association here several times, and never in a good way. The UWAA is annoying, like a spongy growth on your chin that won’t go away.

badger vertical 220You probably have me pegged as an ungrateful alum. Oh sure, now that I have my own third-rate blog, I’m turning my back on the institution that made me what I am, right? What a heartless ass I must be!

All aboard for the Stupidville Express!

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MONACO/

Blog Guy, do you have siblings?

I have a brother, Basil. He works overseas, as an exporter.

USA-OBAMA/Basil Basler? Is he good at exporting?

Are you kidding? Basil’s an export expert!

Does he have a good life?

For sure. He’s an expatriate! He’s an expat export expert and his company is expanding, sparing no expense!

Basil doesn’t feel exposed or exploited?

Exposed? Exploited? Hardly. Exporting is exploding!

Thanks for explaining. So he’s staying unless he’s expelled?

No, he’s returning home. His wife’s expecting.

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EXPENSIVE luxury boats are seen in Monte Carlo port during the Monaco Yacht show, September 22, 2010. REUTERS/Eric Gaillard

Fashion mirage in a parking garage?

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FASHION/

Okay fashion show staff, we really need to cut costs on our fashion show this week. Lamar, I put you in charge of trimming the fat. What have you come up with?

FASHION/Boss, I think you’ll like this. First, we’re not showing our creations on the runway, where all the other designers are. That will save us a fortune.

Do you have a flare for stupidity?

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SOCCER-EURO/

Blog Guy, me and others like me are being discriminated against. We’re dumbasses, and we don’t think there are enough ways for us to express ourselves these days.

I have to disagree there, ace. From where I sit, opportunities for dumbasses have never been greater.

Faster than a speeding locomotive…

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Hey Blog Guy, you used to set up test races and stuff like that for your readers, so they could bet on what would beat what. Do you still do that?

Indeed. It’s one of the many fine services that make this the blog you can’t live without.