Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

When gifted bikini models need my help

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gift models 490

Blog Guy, I work for a bikini modeling agency that hires only gifted models.

COLOMBIA-FASHIONThat must be fascinating. What’s the latest methodology for telling if a bikini model is gifted?

I know you’re not gifted yourself, Blog Guy, but are you really that stupid? Look at the pictures. We have brightly-wrapped GIFTS  attached to our heads. That shows we’re gifted. There’s no mystery.

It’s that easy? I’m stunned. What’s the name of this agency for models with gifts on their heads?

It’s called Presents of Mind. Pretty clever, huh? And we don’t just model, we also sing.

The worst dress in the history of Earth?

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DAKAR-FASHION/

Blog Guy, I’m a very strict father with a parenting question. My daughter’s prom is next weekend, and…

Sorry to interrupt you, sir, but what kind of school has a prom in August?

DAKAR-FASHION/It’s a summer school prom. Anyway, you know how kids behave at those things, and I’m afraid the boys will be trying to get her to do you-know-what. So I’m looking to find a prom dress that will keep her absolutely safe.

Is this smile as lame as it feels?

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FINLAND

“Madam Prime Minister, I’d like to toast your people with a big glass of this, uh, pinot noir? Merlot?

rhubarb juice crop 240“Oh Mr. President, that’s not red wine, that’s our famous local RHUBARB juice!”

With trends like that, who needs enemas?

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CHINA/

Blog Guy, my doctor says I have to get a colonoscopy. I understand it’s a really awful ordeal what with having to, you know, totally clean yourself out, and then go into the clinic and have an anesthetic and then they jam that thing you-know-where.

xray vertical 220Like most people, I come to you for all my tough medical questions. Is there an easier way to take this test?

Uh-oh, my butt is in a sling now!

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sling combo 490

Lonnie, get your butt in my office!

What is it this time, Boss?

RUSSIA/Exactly WHAT is going on out there in front of our corporate headquarters?

Just what you wanted, Boss! You told me to set up a Best Baby Sling Contest, remember?

I got 140 contestants, thousands of people in the audience, TV news crews are broadcasting it live, our company logo is in all the shots, and everything. It’s HUGE!

Then those animals FORCED me to shop!

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MARKETS-PRECIOUS/

Okay, now I just feel like a total jerk.

We have a great story from Beijing about officials issuing an advisory on Hong Kong travel after a video surfaced showing tourists being insulted and “forced to shop” by a tour guide. I’m not making this up.

Indeed, the story says a 65-year-old tourist died from a heart attack in Hong Kong, after arguing with a tour guide over forced shopping there.

It’s another razzle-dazzle death!

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POLAND/

Blog Guy, you seem to be the only one really covering those Government Death Panels that were created by the health reform law.

SAUDI-ARABIA/I guess like most federal agencies, they’ve probably settled into a certain predictable sameness by now, right?

Do WHAT to make my iPhone work?

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iphone bench 490

Blog Guy, I come to you for all of my gadget advice. I guess you know about the problems with the iPhone 4, what with that external antenna and everything.

iphone water 220I’ve tried holding it the way Apple says to, but I’m still losing calls. What else can I do?

Hey, you’re just a pretender vendor!

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Blog Guy, I saw some Reuters photos of street vendors in San Salvador, having a protest. There were THOUSANDS of them. How can there be so many street vendors in one city?

That’s easy. There are no indoor shops there. Everything is sold on the streets by vendors.

I don’t recall, Your Honor, it’s all a blur

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GERMANY/

Do not adjust your monitor, these two guys have intentionally distorted eyes because, we are told, they are on trial and their faces have been blurred “in accordance with German privacy laws.”

Are you kidding me? Because it looks like the agency that did the blurring just phoned it in. Is there anybody who wouldn’t recognize these guys if you ever saw them again?