When people have to be told not to do something that is obviously extremely stupid - like texting while driving, for instance - it’s a definite sign of the approaching Apocalypse.

And when you even have to make LAWS against the really stupid stuff, like banning folks from watching TV while they drive, that’s an even more threatening sign.

But when a court overturns one of those laws, and says the thing is actually legal no matter HOW stupid it is, well, bring in the patio furniture, Betsy, the Apocalypse is here!

That’s what happened in South Korea, where a court has ruled that watching TV while you’re driving IS legal.

This would be insane anywhere, but South Korea?

All you have to do is be watching an “I Love Lucy” rerun on your dashboard TV, and miss that big sign that says, “Last exit before North Korea,” and before you know it, you’re out of gas in the Axis of Evil.

And then you’ve REALLY got some ’splainin’ to do!

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Top: Reuters video screen grab

Bottom: “I Love Lucy” screen grab

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Well, it’s that time again, Miss Anderson. Gotta get the winter wardrobe in shape, ready or not, eh? That’s when it’s good to have a great tailor like you…

This is my favorite outfit. I put on a couple of pounds over the summer, but I don’t think it shows, do you?

Be honest, do you think this red jacket is a little too snug? Good, I don’t either! I just won’t fasten every single button.

Now for these trousers. Looks like the giant moths got to ‘em up in the attic, I’m afraid. Is it obvious there’s a whole leg missing?

Fudge! What can we do about that so people won’t notice it?

I’ve got it! Can you make me a white legging thingy to wear, and print JEALOUSY in big black letters? That’ll be perfect!

Oh, and Mrs. Anderson, I found this bunch of old knitting needles up in the attic, too. I hate to throw them away. See if you can make ‘em part of the outfit somehow, okay?

Holiday parties, here I come!

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A model displays a creation by designer Elena Sukhodoeva during an international avant-garde fashion contest at the University of Technology and Design in St.Petersburg, November 5, 2009. REUTERS/Alexander Demianchuk

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Good morning, Mr. Johnson! Thank you for choosing to fly with us to Milwaukee today, with stops in Knoxville and Fargo.

May I see some photo ID, Mr. Johnson? Hmmm. Well, I guess that’s close enough.

Did you pack all your own luggage today, Mr. Johnson? Did anyone give you anything suspicious? Nope? Great!

Okey-dokey. I’m gonna give you an aisle seat because this is a small plane, and well, other passengers might beat you to death in a window seat.

What line of work are you in? Selling homemade lunch meat door-to-door, huh? Well, folks are always gonna need lunchmeat, right?

Here’s your boarding pass, and you have a good one! Is that Mrs. Johnson I see coming this way? Oh, just call it a hunch….

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Left: A model displays a creation by designer Ekaterina Krivosheina during an international avantgarde fashion contest at the University of Technology and Design in St. Petersburg, Russia, November 5, 2009.

Right: A model displays a creation by designer Elena Sukhodoeva during the St. Petersburg show.

REUTERS photos by Alexander Demianchuk

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Blog Guy, what do you think of the huge musical news for this season?

It’s amazing, huh?

I’ll say! Who ever would have thought, a Bob Dylan Christmas CD!

Oh, that. I thought you were talking about those European soccer coaches recording all the great Righteous Brothers hits - “Unchained Melody,” “You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feelin’,” etc… Those coaches can really belt it out.

Soccer coaches? Righteous Brothers? This is just too stupid, even for you!

Fine, but I’ve already pre-ordered mine. It’s a tribute to Phil Spector, the Righteous Brothers’ legendary producer who of course is now in prison for murder.

I’m sure I’ll regret this. I already do. What’s this Spector tribute CD called?

“Chained Melody,” of course.

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Top: FC Zurich’s coach Bernard Challandes reacts at the end of their Champions League soccer match against Olympique Marseille at the Velodrome Stadium in Marseille, November 3, 2009. REUTERS/Philippe Laurenson

Combo: Assorted soccer coaches and managers. REUTERS photos

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Blog Guy, I know you sometimes set up fantasy photos and video shots for your readers. Any money left in your 2009 budget for that stuff?

Yeah, maybe $200,000 or so. That’s a lot. What do you want to see?

I’m a forklift freak. I’ve always wondered how it would look if a really inept forklift driver destroyed a whole warehouse full of booze. I mean, I want it REALLY action-packed!

Hmmm. I know a guy in Russia who can set that up, but we’ve only got one shot at it. In your fantasy, what color is the forklift?

Yellow. For sure.

Can the bottles just have colored water in them?

No chance. It has to be booze or it won’t be realistic.

And all the bottles cave in on the forklift driver? That means I’ll need a stunt guy. This is really gonna cost.

Okay, here it is. I hope you love it, because it wiped out the whole rest of my budget. Enjoy.

Wow, I can’t wait! I’m gonna turn the sound all the way up - it’ll be AWESOME!

Er… You wanted sound?

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Gather around, fashion show staff, I’ve found a new way to cut costs for the big show. It may be even better than our earlier measures, like using dead models, hiring dog groomers as stylists and raccoons to do makeup…

Now keep an open mind. You all remember that tragedy last year when they held a fashion show in a steam pipe factory, and there was an explosion, and the models ended up with big sections of pipe through their heads?

Well, those plucky gals want to return to modeling, but… How shall I put this? They’re not quite as attractive as models who DON’T have plumbing materials piercing their skulls.

These chicks will work for free, just to get back on the runway, so if we can just design outfits around them we’ll save a fortune!

Lonnie, check into getting the dressing room doors widened a bit for us, okay? Let’s give these poor girls another chance!

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Models present creations by Kazakhstan’s Kenje design house during Kazakhstan Fashion Week in Almaty, October 30, 2009. REUTERS/Shamil Zhumatov

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Blog Guy, I’m outraged. Connect me to your blog’s complaint department!

Hello, this is the Odd Blog Complaint Department. Your call is important to us…

Look here, I think this Basler guy ran a photo of Usain Bolt and a cheetah cub for the SOLE purpose of justifying a cheap pun headline playing off of a hit song from 1966!

I see. And you somehow expected more from this blog?

Yes. Usually Bob would only use a cheetah picture if the animal was pooping or something like that.

Let me get this straight. You’d LIKE to see a photo of a pooping cheetah?

Um, yes. That’s the main reason most of us come to this blog.

Okay then, ma’am. Because we care about customer satisfaction, here you go.

Wow! I AM satisfied. I’ll be back soon, and I’ll bring my friends! Tell Bob thanks a lot!

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Above: Olympic and world champion sprinter Usain Bolt from Jamaica holds a three-month-old male cheetah cub at the Kenya Wildlife Service headquarters in Nairobi, November 2, 2009. Bolt adopted the cheetah cub named “Lightning Bolt” during the launch of the Animal Adoption Programme “Namayiana” at the Nairobi Animal Orphanage.

Below: A cheetah relieves itself in its cage at the KWS headquarters.

REUTERS photos by Thomas Mukoya

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Lamar, the big race starts in less than an hour! Where are the jockeys?

They’re coming, Boss!

Are they ready? Did they prepare for the race?

You betcha, Boss! They spent all night drinking!

That’s good. Drinking alcohol?

Of COURSE alcohol, Boss! What ELSE would you drink before the big race?

Just checkin’, Lamar. And did they wear themselves out?

For sure! They danced non-stop. Can’t even keep their eyes open!

Ah, there they are now, Lamar! I can see ‘em trying to find the stable…

It’s a grand sight, isn’t it, Lamar! On a morning like this, with the sun comin’ up over the puke-filled mud and the jockeys staggerin’ this way in their finery, if you squint just a bit you’d think you’re at the Royal Ascot Races.

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Riders finish a night of drinking alcohol and dancing before a traditional horse race on All Saints Day in Todos Santos, Guatemala, November 1, 2009. REUTERS/Daniel LeClair

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Color me embarrassed. We had a PRETTY BAD error on our file, and is our policy, we had to publicly correct it. It seems we reported that Bulgarian prosecutors are investigating a new gambling game in which drivers defy death by speeding through red lights for bets of up to $2,200.

In a game known as ‘Russian road roulette,’ the driver must jump red lights at busy intersections at high speed and not crash into any other cars or pedestrians.

Imagine doing something that stupid for $2,200!

Well, it soon became clear we had it all wrong. It turned out, drivers are playing this game for bets of up to $7,400, which is a lot different from doing it just for chump change like $2,200.

But as insane as this game still sounds, the most amazing part to me is that according to our story, ONLOOKERS bet on the outcome, too!

“Hey Lamar, look! They’re havin’ one of those Russian road roulette games right here! Think we should get the hell out of the way to save ourselves?”

“Not so fast, Clancy! I’ll bet you $200 that red Mustang misses that pedestrian in the Hawaiian shirt… Oops! Well, we didn’t shake on it, Clancy…”

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These are just random photos of Bulgarian traffic carnage, not connected to Russian Road Roulette.

Above: Drivers and members of the Bulgarian security service confer after the leading car of the motorcade of the visiting Maltese President Guido de Marco collided with a truck near the village of Mursalevo in a 2001 file photo. REUTERS

Below: A Bulgarian firefighter tries to extinguish a burning taxi whose propane gas tank had caught fire on a motorway in central Sofia in a 2005 file photo. REUTERS

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Quick quiz: If you’re a jittery driver, what’s a good way to steady your nerves before you hit the road?

• get plenty of sleep
• practice meditation
• think soothing, happy thoughts
• enjoy a refreshing alcoholic beverage

Yeah, I thought that last one was pretty lame myself, but it turns out a politician from Ireland’s governing party has said “jumpy” drivers might benefit from having a relaxing alcoholic drink to steady their nerves.

I am not making this up.

See, Ireland is debating whether to cut the legal blood alcohol content limit for motorists, and some members of parliament oppose lowering the limit which would rule out a traditional Irish pint of Guinness for those driving.

“If drink is such a sedative, it can make people who are jumpy on the road, or nervous, be more relaxed,” said Mattie McGrath, Fianna Fail’s Tipperary South representative.

Right, Mattie. Maybe you’ll be lucky enough to be crossing the street someday  when one of those really relaxed drivers comes along.

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Above: Guinness Chairman Tony Greener sips from a giant eight pint glass of stout to publicize his company’s earnings announcement in a 1997 file photo. REUTERS/Chris Helgren

Below: A racegoer holds a pint of Guinness on St Patrick’s Day on the third day of the Cheltenham National Hunt Festival in a 2005 file photo. REUTERS/Mike Finn-Kelcey

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