Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Gosh, isn’t this a pretty dumb thing to do?

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Blog Guy, the company I work for is having one of those motivational retreats for employees. We’ll face up to our fears, grow as a person, stuff like that. Have you ever been to one of those?

Yeah, I’ve been to a few. For a long time I had a very low opinion of them. I saw them only as corporate bull. Time-wasting, jargon-slinging crapfests for losers who can’t think for themselves.

SPAINGee, you need to stop holding back your feelings, Blog Guy. So when did you change your mind and learn that they can be a positive experience?

Just yesterday, when I read about a “motivation day” organized by a real estate agency. As is often the case, this event featured firewalking on a bed of hot coals.

It Alps if you don’t look down…

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GERMANY/

Blog Guy, you used to offer a valuable travel service by writing about places to stay away from. For the past three summers my family has taken your advice and crossed dozens of destinations off our list, but now we’re at a loss as to where not to go.

I’m sorry, reader. I hope it’s not too late for you to stay at home again this summer, because they’re about to open another “Are You Fricking Kidding Me?” tourist attraction over in Germany.

Are you wearing an AWNING, Lamar?

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TRINIDAD/Okay marketing staff, we’re riding the wave now!

Our recent decision to sell more fashions by inventing new items and creating a demand for them has paid off in solid gold with the Rube Tube and the Skanktop, but we’re not stopping there.

Ladies and gentlemen, I now give you the first wearable art.

It’s a colorful piece of canvas for men, with lots of straps and buckles, and you can wear it, sleep under it or hang it on the wall.

Just head for the sea, Lee, and dress like the Klan, Stan…

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FASHION/Blog Guy, my husband has a fashion problem, and I’m hoping you can help. See, he’s in the Klan, and…

Let me stop you right there. The Ku Klux Klan?

Sure. The Knights of the Ku Klux Klan. You know, the KKK.

Then he has a lot more than a fashion problem, lady.

See, there it is, that attitude! Your blog has given fashion help to  zombies, smurfs, firing squad victims, train robbers, satyrs, gladiators’ wives, but you draw the line at this, in spite of the Blogger’s Code.

I can kill a man with my business card…

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Blog Guy, I love it when you give us Inside Washington stuff that nobody else knows. What’s the latest hot topic among President Obama’s inner circle?

BUSINESS cards clinton 260Oh man, it’s an ugly one! You didn’t hear this from me, but it turns out Obama expects his people to carry oversized business cards. He thinks it’s classy.

Tased and confused?

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Okay fashion show staff, what the hell went wrong today?

Judging from the pictures of our presentation, the models were confused about which way to go, so they just stood there looking perplexed. The runway route must not have been made clear. Lamar, I blame you.

BRAZIL/Jeez, boss, if you look at this wide-angle shot you’ll see we marked the runway with thick black and white stripes. All they had to do was follow a straight line, then turn around and follow it back!

Gosh, it looks like they’re really flying!

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COLOMBIA/

First, let me thank you all for coming in to audition. Looks like a great group of actors here.

hooks woman 240You will all be trying out for parts in our edgy new play, Peter Pain.

Excuse me Mr. Director, I think there’s a typo here. Don’t you mean Peter PAN?

And the winner is…

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Blog Guy, you’ve kept us in suspense long enough. Give us the answer to your “feebus” puzzle from yesterday.

Just to recap for newcomers, you showed an odd assortment of photos – the sleeves on some new fashion designs, Paramount Pictures CEO Brad Grey, a Chinese wok and a Tour de France winner with a tray of champagne.

Is this even real money?

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I’ve mentioned here before that the problem with doing a humor blog for a news organization is that people often try to send me news.

YUM-TACOBELL/Normally I just throw it away, but I was intrigued by an e-mail from the folks at Taco Bell. It turns out they are launching a petition to get the Federal Reserve to circulate more $2 bills, in conjunction with the food chain’s “$2 Meal Deal.”

Comin’ to you, on a dusty road, good lovin’, I got a truck load…

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Blog Guy, I always read your blog for the latest information on movies. There’s a rumor that they are remaking a 30-year-old classic. Any truth to that?

Yes, I think you’re talking about the remake of “The Blues Brothers.”