Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

What to do when you lock yourself out

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door block 490

Blog Guy, you seem to be in a foul mood today. Is anything wrong?

Don’t even get me started about my morning. It was the WORST!

door fire 280When I got to my office I realized I had left my key at home, and I didn’t want to go all the way back to get it.

What did you do?

The usual stuff. First I kicked the door a few times, really hard, but it wouldn’t open.

So then naturally I piled up some old newspapers soaked in gasoline and started a fire to try to burn up the door, but still nothing.

door kick 260Willikers! Then what?

Then I found a huge honking concrete block and hurled it repeatedly at the door until it finally caved in and I got inside. It was a nightmare!

Just a little slice of life…

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CHINA

Blog Guy, what’s the scariest thing you’ve seen this week?

This photo, showing some dude walking barefoot on the razor-sharp blade of a giant knife.

CHINAAh. You mean because he might slash his feet, right?

No.

Oh, right. You mean because he’s high up, and he might lose his balance and fall off and smash on the ground?

Meet Hulga, Queen of the Prom

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prom queen 490

Blog Guy, you said the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop was having some kind of a gala formal affair where you give out awards and stuff. What happened with that?

goofy stamp combo 180It’s coming. We only just found our Prom Queen, Hulga, the perfect young lady to reign at this great event along with Lamar, our longtime Goofmeister.

Snake away your tooth decay!

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LEBANON/

Blog Guy, I’m coming to you for help because of your background in oral hygiene.

What can I do about those deposits of gristle that get stuck between my teeth after a good meal? I brush weekly, but still some of that stuff won’t go away.

Oh please, we’re all thinking the same thing!

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GERMANY/

Quick quiz: This photograph shows…

cucumber crop 280a) A family enjoying dinner out at Ye Olde Benihana of Camelot.

b) A scene from an upcoming episode of The Tudors, when that sniveling Culpepper gets what’s coming to him.

c)  A very early version of the Cuisinart, in a 1562 Williams-Sonoma catalog. Like everything else, it cost $299.95.

Next, I’ll snap myself with a towel…

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Blog Guy, your coverage of stupid sports has fallen off. Isn’t anybody out there competing in such stupid classics as Appliance Golf, Tear Gas Tennis and Pottybuilding?

Your timing is perfect. The International Self-Pranking Olympics are now underway in Germany. All those cruel, thoughtless practical jokes that dumbasses usually pull on other people, they do to themselves at these Olympics.

Butterflies in your stomach?

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SINGAPORE

Blog Guy, you’re pretty good about updating us on trendy new foods, so we don’t waste our time on Tex-Mex and other stuff that’s no longer in style. So what’s the latest?

SINGAPOREWell, I just ate at a hot new restaurant in in Singapore where they serve nothing but butterflies to eat and drink. You can see what the full dinner looks like here.

The elephant sneezed and fell on his knees…

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SRILANKA/

CUT! Okay, let me see the director RIGHT NOW!

Lamar! I gave you $160 million to make an enchanting live action children’s movie based on that enduring song, “The Animal Fair.” Then I come down here two months into the shoot, and I find this crap?

Relax Boss. It’s all in the song.

Look here at the lyrics, the last line: “The elephant sneezed and fell on his knees, and what became of the monk?” See?

10,000 strange and dangerous people…

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milestone crop 490

Hey Blog Guy, what’s with the big grin on your face?

TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO/Great news. My Facebook Blog Network just hit 10,000 members, which is a pretty big deal. I guess that’s just about everybody on the Internet.

Hearty congratulations, Blog Guy! What did you do to celebrate?

We had a gala formal party under a tent. People strutted in their finery.

There were goat races. Sumo wrestlers lined up to high-five me. The Eagles played live and there was a telegram from Mamie Eisenhower…

Is that a frosty mug I see before me?

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All you people who think I make up everything in this blog, check it out.

A real story, and much better than anything I could invent.

S&N/It turns out that over there in Denmark, several hundred employees at the Carlsberg brewery have stopped work for a couple of days to protest a company decision to limit beer drinking at work to lunch breaks.

I’ll let that sink in for minute. Some of  the workers are cheesed-off because they can ONLY drink at lunch, instead of whenever they want, like they used to.