Blog Guy, I just graduated from college with a degree in art history, and I can’t figure out what I want to do. Your career advice is the best!

Have you thought about being a freak?

Well geez, I’m no Brad Pitt, but…

You have to dream big, son! Gone are the days when you had to be lucky enough to be BORN a freak!  Just watch our video about this young man who underwent countless operations, tattooings and piercings to WORK his way to lucrative freakdom!

What sort of work is there for freaks these days?

This guy seems happy with his gig at a Ripley’s Believe it or Not exhibit.

Now I’m interested! I live in New York City. With my art background, do you think they’d hire me at the Frick Museum here?

No, sorry. No freaks at the Frick.

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Daddy, your little girl has big news! I’ve met Mr. Right, and after a whirlwind romance, we got married!

Ming is already in show business, sort of, but he plans to be either a TV news anchor or maybe a dermatologist. 

Now Daddy, I want you to keep an open mind about one little thing, because I know how you can be. So I’m just going to be up-front about his only imperfection, okay?

Well, here goes. Ming smokes. Whew! I feel better already!

More about  tattoos

Tattoo enthusiast Liu Ming smokes while taking a break from a tattoo session at a shop in Beijing July 10, 2008.  REUTERS/Claro Cortes IV

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This isn’t the kind of jewelry heist where they use the word “mastermind” a lot. The robber didn’t work too hard on a plan, and luckily he found a shop that didn’t try too hard to foil him, either.

The guy asks to see a bunch of rings and necklaces, which he tries on, and then walks out and gets in a taxi. However, I think even I could find this dude, since he’s described as 6′5″, weighing 250 pounds, with a Chinese symbol tattooed on his neck. Nice touch to try on necklaces, so they couldn’t possibly miss the tattoo. 

Anyway, while he made off with several items, the total value was just $9,800. With the price of gold and gems today, he must have gone OUT OF HIS WAY to find the cheapest stuff in the store! “Excuse me, do you have some gold-painted plastic beads, and some tin rings with cut glass in them that I can try on?”

The heist story

Probably not the robber: Christie’s jewellery specialist displays rings in a 2007 file photo. REUTERS/Denis Balibouse  

A model presents a creation by Italian designer Riccardo Tisci for French fashion house Givenchy as part of Fall/Winter 2008/09 women’s ready-to-wear fashion show in Paris February 27, 2008.  REUTERS/Gonzalo Fuentes

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Hey blog guy, I’m planning my wedding for June, and I’m on a tight budget. I know you’ve been a professional event planner. Can you give me some money-saving some tips?

Sure. Here are four ideas that really work… 

 1) Print your own invitations. It’s cheaper, plus you can put the wrong address on some and the wrong date on others, cutting the reception crowd in half. 

2) Serve itty-bitty food. As the photos show, teeny burgers are chic and  elegant. You can feed 200 guests on two pounds of ground beef. Fill up the rest of the plate with festive parsley.

3) Serve colorful drinks, like red Two-Buck Chuck, in rented dribble glasses.  When guests start staining, they’ll stop drinking. Many will leave.  

4) For reception entertainment, live music is passé. Three words: cheap tattoo artist.

More money-saving wedding tips: Thanks for coming, now go…

Miniature burgers are seen at a wedding show in New York April 2, 2008.  REUTERS/ Lucas Jackson.

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This modelling agency in London specializes in providing unattractive people for commercial work. Just in case there is confusion about their specialty, the place calls itself the Ugly Modelling Agency.

Their A-list includes some guy with more piercings than anybody else in the world, a dude who can pop his eyes out on demand, and trolls and mutants you don’t even want to know about.

“Sorry, Tiffany, but your portfolio just doesn’t make you look quite hideous enough. Go get yourself some more facial tattoos and a bit more tooth decay, and come see us again.” 

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