Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
You get a lot of modeling work, do you?
Lamar, we’ve got yet another fashion show today and we’re still broke. Did you manage to find us an affordable male model?
If by “affordable” you mean he’ll accept a post-dated check he can’t cash until the second half of the Palin administration, yes I did, Boss.
So what’s wrong with this one? I know you do the best our budget will allow, but there are always some issues.
Nothing, Boss. Well, he does slouch a little, and he tends to keep his hands in his pockets.
I can live with that, Lamar.
Oh, and he has a tattoo. There he is now, in our first outfit on the runway.
Did you just hear a piercing scream?
Blog Guy, did you see they just set a new world record for “Most Body Piercings in a Single Sitting” yesterday? A person got 3,200 piercings. Do you approve of things like that?
Only if it’s done properly, which this was.
The guy performing the procedure is named “Danger” and has tattoos showing behind his surgical mask, so you know he’s a top doctor. The woman getting pierced is a sideshow performer, so clearly she is good at making sound decisions.
Plus, it was done to get into the “Guinness World Records,” the best reason to do anything. It’s why we went to the moon, and also why we tracked Osama bin Laden.
So wait, Blog Guy. Why are you smiling. You’re hiding something, aren’t you?
Well, yes. This sideshow performer won’t hold that record for long, because I have a plan to go after it myself this weekend.
Nice one Georgia. 
There do appear to be two people holding down the piercee. Is this a record for involuntary piercing?
Real nice tats, you betcha!
Hey Blog Guy, I know you’re really into presidential politics. So, is Sarah Palin going to run, or not?
It’s hard to say for sure, but all the telltale signs are there.
Well, she was here in DC on Sunday, and she did the traditional Admiring of the Tattoos, as every prospective candidate does.
I’m not familiar with that tradition.
It started with Thomas Jefferson, admiring the tattoos on American Revolution veterans, and has continued on for two centuries.
She’s armed with a good quote…
Quick quiz: The tattoo on the arm of actress Emily Browning, seen here at the Cannes Film Festival, says…
a) I’d like to thank my agent and manager…
b) When I’m 80, this will be a flabby, blurry smear…
c) If you can read this, you’re too close….
d) Note to self: never drink ouzo again…
e) A blessed unrest that keeps us marching…
Thanks for all of the clarification. I was getting very confused. You see, I thought this was a pic of a mannequin headed for the Goofy Face Wax Museum and the tattoo said, “Extremely flammable. Do not place near fire or flame.”
Let the nightmares begin…
Blog Guy, we need some of your parenting advice. We’re having problems with our small daughter.
I’m sorry to hear that. What’s the trouble?
She’s way too normal. Totally well-adjusted, happy, never cries or has nightmares. What can we do?
Ouch. That’s a tough one, but my advice would be to take her to an international tattoo expo and let the whole freak show get all up in her face.
Then, that night, drop hints that some of those folks are probably hiding in her bedroom closet and plan to carry her away to their cave and eat her up.
Do you think that will work?
I’ll be the one getting a first tattoo at 81. By then, I should be able to persuade myself within a day or two that I got it when I was 18.
I’ve got you, under my skin…
Blog Guy, I really love that actress Julia Roberts. I think she’s so cool that I got a huge honking tattoo of her on my chest. Do you want to write about me?
Not unless you get about 80 more of them. Then you could match this newspaper vendor in Chile, who already has 82 of them and plans to get more.
Wow! He has 82 Julia Roberts tattoos?
Yep, all of them inspired by scenes from “Erin Brockovich.” I imagine if he twirls around really fast, it would be like watching the entire movie, only, you know, without Albert Finney in it.
But if I know your weird imagination, Blog Guy, there’s something more than just those tattoos that amuses you about this.
Indeed. If there’s a God in this world, one day Julia Roberts will be shooting a movie in Valparaiso, Chile, and she’ll wander off the set to buy a newspaper, and…
Oo!! Now that is an interesting food for thought… vegan zombies…
Holy moly! Nonstop Jolie!
Blog Guy, you often write about Angelina Jolie. Has her new movie had its premiere yet?
Well, I can only speak for Berlin, Paris, London, Moscow, Seoul, Tokyo and Hollywood. I know it has premiered there because we moved photos of her at each place.
SEVEN cities? That’s very generous of Reuters, free publicity-wise. How does that compare with your coverage of the endless Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz odyssey recently to promote their new move?
So far, Jolie is one city ahead of them.
And why is it newsworthy every time she shows up in a different city to plug the same movie?
You don’t understand journalism. We never know if she might announce a new policy on global warming or the economy or the New York City mosque.
There ya go!! Would you like some fruit scones with Xanax sprinkles on top!
A Farewell to Arms?
Quick quiz: This sinewy, tattooed arm and enormous hand belong to…
a) The 2009 national arm-wrestling champion
b) Popeye
c) Julius Caesar’s personal calendar slave
d) Actress Angelina Jolie
Your time’s up. It’s Angelina Jolie’s actual arm.
What’s that all over your BUTT, dude?
I have to love this. Here are shots from an international tattoo convention, and the captions inform us the aim is to “promote the industry and garner positive thinking towards tattoos.”
Oh really? How does that work, exactly?
“Okay dudes! Drop your pants and let the world see your colorful tattooed butts, so we can promote the industry and garner some more positive thinking!
“Hey Steve, take your shirt off! We need your goofy back-elephant to help promote the industry and garner some more positive thinking!“
I’ll tell you one thing, dear readers. If I ever find myself reclining on a tattoo parlor table while a needle jabs like Woody Woodpecker at my big puffy butt, I will figure my life has finally hit absolute rock bottom, and I’ll do the right thing.
“Excuse me sir, is there a gun shop anywhere near this tattoo parlor? I’m just guessing there must be.”
Thanks Spin.. See, Baz, us girls have an eye for shapes.. 
Gosh, it looks like they’re really flying!
First, let me thank you all for coming in to audition. Looks like a great group of actors here.
You will all be trying out for parts in our edgy new play, Peter Pain.
Excuse me Mr. Director, I think there’s a typo here. Don’t you mean Peter PAN?
No. We’re staging the scenes of Peter and Tinkerbell flying in a whole new way. They’ll be hanging from piercings in the skin on their backs.
Ewwwwwww!!!! What is the artistic logic behind that?
Well, for one thing, it gives a whole new meaning to the name “Captain Hook.”
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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My one GSD, Jack, has a tattoo. It’s either an “H” or “I” on his belly. It looks amateurish. Since we rescued him from death row, we joke about it being his prison tattoo. A male did that to him. It took him years to learn to trust me. He warms up to most women very quickly. He is the most affectionate GSD I have ever known.