Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

You get a lot of modeling work, do you?

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Lamar, we’ve got yet another fashion show today and we’re still broke. Did you manage to find us an affordable male model?

If by “affordable” you mean he’ll accept a post-dated check he can’t cash until the second half of the Palin administration, yes I did, Boss.

So what’s wrong with this one? I know you do the best our budget will allow, but there are always some issues.

Nothing, Boss. Well, he does slouch a little, and he tends to keep his hands in his pockets.

Did you just hear a piercing scream?

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Blog Guy, did you see they just set a new world record for “Most Body Piercings in a Single Sitting” yesterday? A person got 3,200 piercings. Do you approve of things like that?

Only if it’s done properly, which this was.

The guy performing the procedure is named “Danger” and has tattoos showing behind his surgical mask, so you know he’s a top doctor.  The woman getting pierced is a sideshow performer, so clearly she is good at making sound decisions.

Real nice tats, you betcha!

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Hey Blog Guy, I know you’re really into presidential politics. So, is Sarah Palin going to run, or not?

It’s hard to say for sure, but all the telltale signs are there.

Like what?

Well, she was here in DC on Sunday, and she did the traditional Admiring of the Tattoos, as every prospective candidate does.

She’s armed with a good quote…

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Quick quiz: The tattoo on the arm of actress Emily Browning, seen here at the Cannes Film Festival, says…

a) I’d like to thank my agent and manager…

b) When I’m 80, this will be a flabby, blurry smear…

c) If you can read this, you’re too close….

d) Note to self: never drink ouzo again…

e) A blessed unrest that keeps us marching…

Yeah, sorry about that, I wish it could have been wackier, but it’s the last choice.

Let the nightmares begin…

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MEXICO/

Blog Guy, we need some of your parenting advice. We’re having problems with our small daughter.

MEXICO/I’m sorry to hear that. What’s the trouble?

She’s way too normal. Totally well-adjusted, happy, never cries or has nightmares. What can we do?

I’ve got you, under my skin…

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CHILE/

Blog Guy, I really love that actress Julia Roberts. I think she’s so cool that I got a huge honking tattoo of her on my chest. Do you want to write about me?

tattoos roberts 280Not unless you get about 80 more of them. Then you could match this newspaper vendor in Chile, who already has 82 of them and plans to get more.

Holy moly! Nonstop Jolie!

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jolie combo 490

Blog Guy, you often write about Angelina Jolie. Has her new movie had its premiere yet?

Well, I can only speak for Berlin, Paris, London, Moscow, Seoul, Tokyo and Hollywood. I know it has premiered there because we moved photos of her at each place.

A Farewell to Arms?

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JAPAN/

Quick quiz: This sinewy, tattooed arm and enormous hand belong to…

angelina arm this 220a) The 2009 national arm-wrestling champion

b) Popeye

c) Julius Caesar’s personal calendar slave

d) Actress Angelina Jolie

Your time’s up. It’s Angelina Jolie’s actual arm.

No, Blog Guy! What are you saying! Angelina is every guy’s dream woman!

She’s the ideal! She’s perfect! She’s what actress Melanie Griffith used to be!

Oh, that reminds me, here’s Melanie’s arm, below on the right.

This is just horrible! My world is upside down. Nothing makes sense anymore!

melanie arm 240 thisSo you’re saying you wouldn’t want to go out on a date with Angelina?

What’s that all over your BUTT, dude?

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TAIWAN/

I have to love this. Here are shots from an international tattoo convention, and the captions inform us the aim is to “promote the industry and garner positive thinking towards tattoos.”

Oh really? How does that work, exactly?

tattoo back this 300“Okay dudes! Drop your pants and let the world see your colorful tattooed butts, so we can promote the industry and garner some more positive thinking!

Gosh, it looks like they’re really flying!

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COLOMBIA/

First, let me thank you all for coming in to audition. Looks like a great group of actors here.

hooks woman 240You will all be trying out for parts in our edgy new play, Peter Pain.

Excuse me Mr. Director, I think there’s a typo here. Don’t you mean Peter PAN?