Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Beauty tips from Hannibal Lecter

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Readers come to this blog for the very latest in diet and beauty news, and it’s time again for Diet and Beauty Fair 2008, in Tokyo.

diet-and-beauty-blue-220.jpgThis year, the trend is very much to treat humans like food. For instance, there is this blue room, the “Salt Studio,” which uses salt tiles, high temperatures and humidity.

Yes, that does indeed sound pretty much like the process for curing country hams and slab bacon. For smooth skin that resembles a big old pork chop, you can’t beat it.

Then there is this white capsule gizmo which supposedly offers LED light, aroma, vibrating mattress, high density oxygen and healing music. Fair enough, but if you look closely it resembles a human panini grill. I believe your main decision every day is what kind of cheese you want melted into your flesh.

Archery: I remember yew…

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archery-arrows-120.jpgYou know, if you look at pictures of Olympic events from past years, there’s a certain comfortable continuity. The tools of the sport – swimming pools, hurdles – look pretty much the same…

Except, what the frick are those guys using in the archery event? Those gizmos look like Inspector Gadget teamed up on a science project with Rube Goldberg!

Does it come with a pocket protector?

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winglet-2-160.jpg Blog Guy, I’ve been riding a Segway for a couple of years now, but I don’t feel I’ve lost enough of my dignity. Is there anything that can make me look like even more of a nerd?

I get this question a lot from Segway riders. If you want to truly get in touch with your inner nincompoop, help is on the way.

Do you smell captured car thief?

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mercedes-0721-crop-180.jpgBlog Guy, my car got stolen last week and I’m furious! Is there any real progress on theft-prevention?

For sure. Have you seen the new Mercedes-Benz MS (Maximum Security) model in this photo? It is SO cool! The new security system tracks a would-be thief, snags him around the legs, hoists him upside-down on a retractable pole and holds him until police arrive.

Col. Mustard, in the study, with a folding sofa!

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Who knew that furniture should have warning labels sort of like the ones they put on cigarettes? We have a story about a wife who was angry at her husband for being drunk and refusing to get up from their folding couch. She kicked the handle, activating the mechanism which, well, killed him. 

When death happens, you like to think it won’t be in such an embarrassing way that some jerky humor blogger will use it.  So how will they write this poor guy’s obit to retain some measure of dignity?

Who made your sub, Bub?

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Quick quiz: which of these are really great homemade?

sub-160.jpga) fresh peach ice cream
b) blueberry pie
c) buttermilk biscuits
d) submarines

Exactly. Not the subs. Submarines just seem better when they’re made in a shipyard, not some bozo’s hobby shop. Yet despite my warnings in posts like Gosh, this sub really dives fast!, there is now a whole frickin’ FLEET of homemade subs smuggling cocaine from Colombia. They found nine last year alone! 

Toilet’s broken… Next one’s 210 miles south!

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plumbers-140.jpgIf you’re aboard the International Space Station, the very last thing you want to see – maybe except for alien life forms seeping through the vents – is an “out of order” sign on the only toilet. Sadly, that’s pretty much the situation. They are up to their astronauts in plumbing problems.

Not to get indelicate, but crew members reportedly have been fumbling with plastic bags since their zero-gravity toilet made “a loud noise” and stopped working properly last week. Ewwwwwwww!

And, making a gust appearance…

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nun-160.jpgBlog Guy,

Please settle a bet I have with my sister. Can the Pope fly? I say no, but Sis is sure she remembers something about that.

Well, no, not exactly, although his attire is quite aerodynamic. Sometimes it takes on a life of its own, as these pictures show. But I think your sister is confusing the Pope with Sally Field’s character in The Flying Nun, which went off the air, so to speak, some time ago.

Mutt-mobile: can Spot design your car?

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We have a video report about how auto designers are shifting into neuteral, so to speak, fighting for the pet owner market by adding Fido-friendly features. I have a list of the options my own dogs are demanding:

dog.jpg- deluxe hamburger dispenser

- giant window control buttons 

- peanut butter dispenser

- big fans aimed at their face

- toast and jelly dispenser

- indoor tennis ball flinger

Come to think of it, that doesn’t sound like such a bad car, does it?

Video report:

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Garlic ice cream? I should think not!

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Remember me, Blog Guy? My photo collection of the rich and powerful eating ice cream is queen-crop-face-160.jpgreally taking off, thanks to your help! You mentioned you were trying for a shot of Queen Elizabeth. Any luck yet?

No. We were all set to get one at a demo where ice cream was being made, but instead of scarfing down a big scoop with her bare hands as we were expecting, the Queen just made a hideous face.