Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Never the Twains shall meet?

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Blog Guy, I was so very interested in your recent Clone on the Throne? debate over whether the first  Queen Elizabeth may have a clone who is alive today.

I have written a similar book, about the cloning of author Mark Twain. It will be published this spring under the title “Making Your Mark,” and I expect it to ignite heated controversy.

Good to know. The Elizabeth post really did attract interest and comments, so if this is something my readers are interested in, I’m there.

Please, everyone, be on the lookout for signs that folks from the history books may have clones walking around today. In addition to Elizabeth I, Mark Twain and Mamie Eisenhower I now have a reported sighting of Genghis Khan showing up as a weekend TV weatherman in Indianapolis.  Keep ‘em coming!

Robots and gas? What could go wrong?

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robot-mirror-180.jpgA Reuters story says they’ve unveiled this robot that will pump your gas while you stay in your car.

Call me cynical, but I have misgivings about combining a multi-jointed mechanical limb, a high-end luxury car and an ultra-volatile substance used in making Molotov cocktails.

Something’s not Wright about flying in this!

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plane-2-160.jpgSometimes we write stories about the “world’s oldest living person.” It’s not a title to covet, since it doesn’t last long for obvious reasons.  

Which brings me to this thing in the photos, which we’re told is the “world’s oldest plane.” Would you want to go up in that? Doesn’t this mean that every single plane made before this one either crashed, fell apart or  disappeared over some ocean? So, you do the math. 

Wow, radical new hair style, Tiffany!

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tasers-close-160.jpgI collect carefully chosen signs of the coming apocalypse, as you know from past postings like The photo they didn’t want us to see… and Tight security for fancy potato heads…

The latest such sign is that tasers – those personal stun guns that zap an assailant with enough electricity to make him resemble a twitching skeleton – are now available in pink, red and leopard, with holsters that double as MP3 music players.

This bathroom door is just painted on!

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I hate to say I told you so, but it was just two months ago that a reader was tempted by glossy brochures about jobs in the exciting world of drug-smuggling homemade submarines. I advised him against it in a post called “Gosh, this sub really dives fast!”

Sure enough, some smugglers were just caught on their way from Colombia to the U.S., and as bad as that is for them, getting arrested is the best thing that can go wrong in one of these cheesy boats. Here are some common things you hear on a homemade sub:

“Wait! This gig offers dental, right?”

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I’m getting a stream of e-mails from college seniors, frantic over what kind of career to choose in just a few months. Okay, write this down: if there is a job opportunity in which you are expected to hold an apple in your mouth while a dude the color of a Smurf slices into it with a chainsaw, that is not a career for you, even if it pays $8.20 an hour and is sort of show business.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m sure this young woman’s parents are very proud of her, and she is getting to see Peru. But if she had taken more home economics courses, or even watched a classic Honeymooners episode, she would know there are far easier ways to disassemble fruit.

Gosh, this sub really dives fast!

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Blog Guy, you’re always saying to be careful in choosing a career. I just got a brochure inviting me to check out the world of homemade submarines, and I just don’t see the downside.

See, the words homemade and submarine don’t naturally belong together. Kind of like chainsaw and dentistry, or gyrocopter and, well, whatever. I know Colombia just found a “rudimentary” sub built to smuggle tons of cocaine, but that part actually makes the deal even less attractive! Are you following any of this?

Skirting the urban enemy…

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It is late, you’re a woman alone, and bad guys are chasing you. You round a corner and whip up your skirt. Instantly, you’re camouflaged as a vending machine, and the attackers keep going. Maybe this urban ploy will work, but you should consider:

    What happens if the attackers, cranky because you got away, stop to enjoy a refreshing soft drink? What about the roaming gangs that rob vending machines? Think they’ll be happy to find you? Imagine the embarrassment if you think you’re wearing your vending machine skirt, but you’re really not.

Here’s the story, and here is the video report:

You call it an accessory, I call it a hanger

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“Okay folks, we’re all professional fashion people, and I expect us to act like it! You know, I’m responsible for all this backstage property, and that includes these expensive new clothes hangers for our designer creations.

“Several hangers are already missing! Where are they? They didn’t just sashay on out by themselves, did they?

Doc Jocks: what’s wrong with YOU?

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What you see here is a medical breakthrough – lingerie which can instantly identify and diagnose hundreds of maladies. This young woman probably had no idea she was crazy, until she paraded in front of gawking crowds of spectators in her undies.

Other “models” at the medical convention were surprised to learn they had scabies, lactose intolerance and fear of circus clowns, at the same time the information was flashed on their behinds. The firm that owns the technology was asked why it was only using it in skimpy undergarments, and replied, “Just because.”