Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Shermanize me another burger, honey!

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williams sonoma 490

Blog Guy, I’ve been a real fan of Williams-Sonoma, that shop for pretentious foodies, ever since I first read about it here. Is their Summer Cookout Catalog out yet?

Yes, and it’s fabulous! I recommend this item at the top, the Deluxe Outdoor Guacamole Maker, $299.99. You can serve up perfect fresh guacamole, while your guests watch with envy!

IVORY COASTI LOVE guacamole, but my avocado chunks are always too big.

You can forget about that problem when you say hello to this patented sledge hammer action. Plus, it’s digital!

What other new cookout gadgets are there?

I like The Shermanizer, $369.99, from the Pots ‘n’ Panzer section.

“Don’t just grill your hamburgers, Shermanize them!” This thing uses modern tank technology to rumble right up to your picnic table when the burgers are ready. It stops automatically, usually.

The very, very best of March…

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BRITAIN-WEDDING/BELFAST

It’s time to reveal this blog’s 10 most popular items for the month of March.

It seems clear that my readers are a blogger’s dream. They are hungry for information, and not too particular about how accurate it is.

Learn touch typing the fun way?

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COLOMBIA/

Okay designers, you know the problem. Despite the incredible popularity of computers, a high percentage of men aren’t learning to use a keyboard properly.

We need to teach men to type using the standard QWERTY method, named after the first six letters in the top row. Lamar, you said your group has made some progress?

The worst car feature ever invented?

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GERMANY/

Every so often an idea comes along that is so awful it deserves a place in the Bad Idea Hall of Fame. Like there was the toilet timer that made sure workers don’t spend too much time in the bathroom, and of course there was that hotel bed-warming service.

GERMANY/But now, along comes an idea that makes those others seem positively brilliant.

We have photos showing “hands free driving” in a car that is controlled by the driver’s brain. I’m not making this up.

A most alarming little gadget…

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rocket launchers 490

Blog Guy, I’m a high school student doing a report, and I need your help.

Oh sure, I’m always eager to help with homework assignments. Do you want it single-spaced or double-spaced? You want me to misspell some words to make it look real?

RPG alarm crop 260My report is called “Alarm Clocks Around the World,” and I was hoping you could share the most interesting alarm you know about.

Three great inventions we really need…

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THAILAND

Blog Guy, apart from writing textbooks and making airplanes, what do you do with your time?

I dabble at inventing. Someday one of my ideas will catch on, and that will be my ticket out of this dump.

Come to the border for a fling?

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I love this story. It seems some Mexican smugglers were planning to hurl drugs across the border, using an actual catapult. The Mexican military seized 45 pounds of marijuana and a metal-framed catapult, just south of the Arizona border.

catapult 490

I’m not making this up. The catapult is similar to those used across medieval Europe to fling fire, rocks and rotting corpses into towns under siege.

Lamar, the crash test dummy…

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volvo crash 490

Lamar! Why am I talking to you on your cell phone instead of in person? I put you in charge of delivering our new electric car here at the auto show! It’s missing, and so are you!

AUTOSHOW/This place is full of journalists, cameras, live coverage, streaming video, all kinds of free publicity. Where’s my car?

And the trunk is roomy enough for a…

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detroit auto 490

Blog Guy, have you been over to the auto show to see the new models?

detroit combo 340You bet, and this year they’re great, especially the Audi. I actually bought one!

Wow! Tell me all about them.

Well, the Ferrari and Jeep both come with one in a black dress, and the one that comes with the Chrysler has a white dress…

Look Ma, it’s like we’re really THERE!

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Staff, this holiday season we’re going for broke. We’ve jammed our store full of flat-screen TVs of all sizes, wall-to-wall, and now we need to make shoppers think they can’t live without owning one.

BELARUS/

Lamar, you were in charge of selecting content to excite the shoppers. They need to be slobbering, frothing at the mouth, willing to spend everything they have for one of these TVs.