Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Stay out, hon, I’m eatin’ scampi!

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Blog Guy, I need help. I’m a smoker, and…

Say no more, I’ll try to help you quit.

No! I don’t want to quit, I just don’t want my wife to catch me! How can I cover the smell?

Here is the very latest cover-up technology. You line a spare room with 4,600 pounds of garlic, then heat it to 120 degrees, permeating every inch with the aroma. You could light up a cow pie and nobody would notice.

But won’t my wife wonder about the garlic smell?

Sure. Just say an Italian restaurant opened next door.

But she’ll learn that isn’t true when she tries to make dinner reservations there.

Ah, so you’ve got a SMART wife, huh? Then say you added a garlic panic room for vampire attacks.

God speed, Lonnie, you got the right stuff!

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Blog Guy, I’ve decided I want to be one of those space tourists. Do you know what that costs?

Not really, but a clue might be that we never mention their name in a story without having the word billionaire attached. You never read that “…middle-class U.S. space tourist Lonnie Johnson returned from space today…”

You tired of havin’ a tongue, pal?

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I like fancy new technical gadgets as much as the next guy, as long as the next guy is an Amish farmer, but here’s one I just don’t see catching on.

An inventor has come up with a hands-free device he says will let you control your iPod using facial expressions, like winking and sticking out your tongue.

Gadgets: bloggin’ on the noggin!

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I know my readers love gadgets, so I keep an eye out for the very best new stuff.

Here are a couple of clever new toys incorporated into women’s hats, and I predict runaway success for both of them.

All Nazi spies, please stand in this line!

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Herr Blog Guy? Ve are a group of Nazi spies in 1939. Ve vant to infiltrate your country and look natural. Can you help us?

Um, I’m a bit surprised to get a message from 70 years ago. How does that work?

The Swiss Army Survival Hat?

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Blog Guy, I really need some fashion advice!

“I’m invited to a very nice cocktail party. The problem is, I have a deep-rooted fear of getting lost late at night while I look for the valet parking guy, and wandering around for days waiting for rescue. This has happened to six of my friends. Help!”

Statistics show thousands of people each year suffer exactly that fate. This is why I’ve invested my money in the Swiss Army Hat.

Meet the man of your dreams, in a flash!

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Ladies, it’s been years in the making, but thanks to genuine Midwestern Storm Cellar Door Technology, we’re proud to unveil the miracle Trashy Flashy dress!

How many times has this happened to you? You’re walking along on a sunny June day, and you’re like, ‘D’oh! It’s so nice out, if only I could get some sun!”

It smells like the sub is coming!

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I’ve blogged in the past about the exciting opportunities to be found in the elite HSF (Homemade Submarine Fleet), aboard cheesy subs that carry tons of cocaine all the way from Colombia to the ultimate selling point, which I think is about two blocks from my house.

These craft have long been shrouded in mystery, but today we have a story that fills in some of the details. I was most struck by two particular facts in our story:

You left the Football in the restaurant, Michelle?

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Blog Guy, I saw a picture of the President and Michelle Obama out on the town on Valentine’s Day, and she was carrying a brown paper bag. What would the first lady be doing with a bag?

This is very sensitive, so don’t tell anybody else, but you know the so-called “Nuclear Football” the President always has with him in case he gets mad and wants to nuke some country?

I have you in my sights, wabbit!

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Sometimes it seems to take real people way too long to catch up with Looney Tunes.

Below is a photo of some Israeli guy showing off a “corner shotgun,” which apparently lets you shoot the enemy around corners, without exposing yourself.