According to the founder of the World Toilet Organization, the reason people are so reluctant to talk about hygiene is that it isn’t cool. He may have a point.

Television and movies show us what’s cool, and they don’t show toilets. Sure, Fonzie frequently checked out his hair in the bathroom, but you just saw a mirror.

All of this could have been different if the toilet lobby had gotten into product placement early on.

Imagine the coolest characters in movie history. What if…

• Dirty Harry emerged from the men’s room to blast the punks, waddling with his trousers around his ankles…
• The last line in the immortal “Casablanca” was, “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Stop a sec, I gotta wizz…”
• In “The Great Escape,” Steve McQueen escaped the Nazis by pulling his motorcycle into a rest stop and slipping into a men’s room stall.
• The iconic quote was: “Bond, James Bond. You got a crapper I can use?”

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Above: Actors Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet slide down a large inflatable toilet slide for the premiere of the animated feature “Flushed Away” in New York City in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/ Lucas Jackson

Below: The actual bathroom of the late actor Roddy MacDowell is on display at the Hollywood History Museum in a 2001 file photo. REUTERS/Fred Prouser

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Blog Guy, I’m outraged. Connect me to your blog’s complaint department!

Hello, this is the Odd Blog Complaint Department. Your call is important to us…

Look here, I think this Basler guy ran a photo of Usain Bolt and a cheetah cub for the SOLE purpose of justifying a cheap pun headline playing off of a hit song from 1966!

I see. And you somehow expected more from this blog?

Yes. Usually Bob would only use a cheetah picture if the animal was pooping or something like that.

Let me get this straight. You’d LIKE to see a photo of a pooping cheetah?

Um, yes. That’s the main reason most of us come to this blog.

Okay then, ma’am. Because we care about customer satisfaction, here you go.

Wow! I AM satisfied. I’ll be back soon, and I’ll bring my friends! Tell Bob thanks a lot!

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Above: Olympic and world champion sprinter Usain Bolt from Jamaica holds a three-month-old male cheetah cub at the Kenya Wildlife Service headquarters in Nairobi, November 2, 2009. Bolt adopted the cheetah cub named “Lightning Bolt” during the launch of the Animal Adoption Programme “Namayiana” at the Nairobi Animal Orphanage.

Below: A cheetah relieves itself in its cage at the KWS headquarters.

REUTERS photos by Thomas Mukoya

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Honey, I don’t feel like scrubbing the dirty ring out of our bathtub again. Can you run out and get a new tub?

But Sweetie, it’s Sunday night! Where can I get one at this hour?

Head for the open air bathroom market. Stop at Bub’s Tubs! They never close.

But Darling, how would I get it hooked up in time to use it tonight?

Are you an idiot? You never hooked up the LAST tub! We’ve used the same dirty water for two years! That’s why we have this foul, slimy, cockroach-playground of a ring in the first place!

Heck, let’s remodel our whole damned bathroom tonight! Take the station wagon and get everything we need. Go to Mason’s Basins, Gower’s Showers, Ray’s Bidets…

Okay Doll. What about a new toilet?

Take your pick! Lou’s Loos, John’s Johns, Dan’s Cans, Dapper’s Cr….

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Bathtubs for sale are displayed outside a shop along a street in Antilhue town near Valdivia city, some 500 miles south of Santiago, Chile, August 26, 2009. REUTERS/ Ivan Alvarado

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Good morning, comrades and fellow citizens of Cuba, this is the 8 a.m. radio news!

Blah blah blah blah may experience some shortages blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah good news, plenty of barbecue sauce and canned squid at great prices, so stock up for your summer squid barbecues!

Blah blah blah blah running short of toilet paper blah blah should get more by the end of the year blah blah blah. May want to go easy on the barbecued squid until then blah blah…

“Honey, that man on the radio just said we’re running out of toilet paper! Do we have any?”

“Just those novelty rolls with Fidel’s picture on them that your cousin sent us from Miami. But it would be wrong to use that! He was our president!”

“Yes, of course. But you know, maybe just a few sheets of it….”

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Merchant Miguel Vazquez holds a roll of toilet paper printed with pictures of Cuba’s Fidel Castro which his store sells in the Little Havana section of Miami, in 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Joe Skipper

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Good news, International Space Station residents!

Your fellow astronaut, Koichi Wakata, will be doing an interesting new scientific test aboard the station: “Odor-Free Underwear!”

Excuse us, Houston, but how will he do that?

Good question, ISP. Koichi will go without changing his underpants for more than a week, and we’ll see if you end up pushing him through the main hatch and locking it.

Houston, is this a fricking joke?

That’s a negative, ISP. We are big-stink serious.

Copy that, Houston, you DO realize that we’re the same dudes ALREADY testing a urine recycler? This place is gonna reek like an Infield latrine at the Indy 500!

Sorry, ISP, but do you know what your laundry bills are running? We just can’t afford it anymore. We’ll send up some Tang-scented room spray in the next shuttle. Let’s move on. Open your instructions for “The Navy Bean and Garlic Space Diet…”

Can you repeat that, Houston? We were just giving Koichi an atomic space wedgie!”

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Above: Man parades at an underwear fashion show during the 6th Annual National Underwear Day in New York, August 5, 2008. REUTERS/Ray Stubblebine/Hasbro

Below: Japanese astronaut Koichi Wakata eats an apple aboard the International Space Station in image from NASA TV March 20, 2009. REUTERS/NASA

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After paying for their aisle seat, blanket, food and a cocktail, air travelers may need to set aside a little cash for… well, you know…

There’s no delicate way to put this. The chief executive of Europe’s largest budget carrier said today that Ryanair might start charging passengers for using the toilet while flying.

An airline spokesman quickly explained that boss Michael O’Leary sometimes makes things up on the spot. Here is O’Leary’s photo, so you can decide for yourself whether he seems like the type to demand money for a bodily function.

Anyhow, I wouldn’t worry. The lavatory isn’t the only usable space on a plane, if you catch my drift. You’ve got large overhead bins, you’ve got your seatmate’s carry-on luggage when they’re not looking…

Heck, you’ve even got those big heavy metal exit doors with the levers on them. How hard can it be to open those, when you really need to go?

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Ryanair Chief Executive Michael O’Leary in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/ Susana Vera

Ryanair jet in a 2004 file photo. REUTERS/ Yves Herman/Files

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Okay, so this organization in India plans to launch a new soft drink made from cow urine. I am not making this up.

Which of course means that right now there’s a marketing firm brainstorming ways to sell this stuff.

Shhhh, let’s listen in:

Okay, gang, I think we’re making some progress here. Judy, your idea to name it “Mellow Yellow” is a work of genius!

Earl, your ad campaign targeting “The Wizz Kid Generation” is brilliant!

Herb, I’m not positive your idea of selling it in actual urine sample bottles and bedpans is quite right, so let’s refine that.

Well done, team! Let’s go take a refreshing break. As Kristin’s slogan says so well, “There’s no time like tinkle-time!”

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People look at a fibreglass sculpture of a cow in central Madrid, January 16, 2009. REUTERS/Susana Vera

A worker of Bharatiya Janata Party displays an antiseptic aftershave made of cow urine in a 2005 file photo. REUTERS/B Mathur

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Keep it coming, Blog Guy - the more photojournalism advice I can get, the sooner I’ll get my dream job.

What do you want to know today, Grasshopper?

I’m wondering about ethics and privacy. Are photojournalists expected to violate basic standards of dignity and decency? How far should we go to get THE news shot?

That’s a decision every shooter has to make on his own. You take this week, when rumors spread that Paris Hilton was in a Port-a-john. For once, paparazzi showed some class.

They did? How?

Instead of pushing the thing over, or setting it on fire, or kicking in the door, they discreetly just shot in through the open roof.

I’m guessing that didn’t really happen.

Nah, but it’s more fun than the real photo caption.

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Above: Paris Hilton in Park City, Utah, January 17, 2009. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

Below: Photographers take pictures of a mirror room created by Italian artist Leonardo da Vinci during the opening ceremony of an exhibition titled “Da Vinci - The Genius” in Budapest February 5, 2009 . REUTERS/Karoly Arvai

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Hey Blog Guy, I love your blog, but I’ve often wondered something.

Thanks. What do you wonder?

Why don’t you have more pictures of birds going to the bathroom?

Your question is interesting, and it illustrates why my home address doesn’t appear on my blog.

But just for you, here is a video clip of a parrot that uses a toilet instead of pooping on my car, like every other bird does.

Wow! That sounds truly amazing!

Nah, not really. He forgets to flush and he leaves the seat up…. I have a nephew who can do that!

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A number of readers wrote in following my recent post about the guy who holds the world record for the largest number of scorpions in his mouth.

While many people would rather not put scorpions where they chew their beef jerky, they seem eager to go for some other record in the scorpion category.

There are lots to choose from. This woman here just set a record for the longest stay with 5,000 live adult scorpions.

And that isn’t all. Here are some of the other records still up for grabs:

• Most live scorpions up your nose
• Most live scorpions hidden in your uncle’s hoagie
• Most live scorpions in your high school graduating class
• Most live scorpions left under the seat in dark a Port-a-john

Line up, folks, there are plenty of scorpions to go around!

Video of the Scorpion Queen

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Thailand’s ‘Scorpion Queen’ Kanchana Kaetkaew, poses with scorpions at the Ripley’s Believe It or Not museum in Pattaya, January 24, 2009. Kanchana set a new 33 day record for the longest stay with 5,000 live adult scorpions. REUTERS/Sukree Sukplang

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